It doesn't sound juvenile at all, it sounds hopeless and frustrated. And THIS is the type of toxicity that can take root when we don't feel cared about or even seen by our partners, and when we are unwilling to set boundaries about how we are going to be treated in our relationships.Yesterday she got her period. Last time was the first week of July. So this seems like she is on almost 3 months cycles. She reminded me that I would need to use condoms for sex because she is still fertile.
She also keeps bringing up getting a dog, which I don't want and either do my kids. She doesn't seem to care that no one wants this except her. If we were in a better spot I would consider it to make her happy. I know this sounds juvenile, but since she doesn't seem to care much about making me happy, why should I care what she wants. to be happy.
This feeling you have right now - that you don't care about her and making her happy - is undermining the connection that you two have, and it's only going to GROW as long as you tolerate the intolerable. I don't have an answer for how you can force yourself to swallow a fist full of broken glass just so you can keep your family together and cater to an uncaring partner.
But I can tell you what WILL happen to you and your attitude (and your relationship) if you keep trying to swallow that glass, piece by piece -- you will become a shell of the person you were when you felt loved and wanted, and you will become bitter and resentful, and YOU will become cold towards HER the way she was to you...and the attachment and connection you feel right now will shrivel and die. Only by then, you will be 60+, and kicking yourself for wasting all of your time with a woman who only wanted to use you as a husband appliance, and who stopped valuing YOU.
Right now, you are making choices and operating out of FEAR - fear of what you will lose. But that is hobbling you. You are severely limiting your options when you do that. You need to advocate for yourself without fear, because no one else is taking care of you and making sure your needs get met.
Right now, you don't have a true partner...and that's not because she won't have sex with you, it's because she doesn't really CARE about you. She doesn't VALUE you as her partner either, because she believes you will never leave, so she's "got" you. And for HER type of person, as long as you keep reassuring her and making her feel secure, she will not value you.
Remember when you were so relieved that she forgave you for demanding that your needs be recognized in YOUR marriage...?? Well, THIS is exactly what you were working to get back. You CHOSE THIS.
And that's ok, if you can live with it and be happy...but look at it and SEE it for what it truly is.