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Having sex with your own wife using a condom???????? Is there no end to the **** people will dish out and others take?
Believe it or not, many younger couples are doing this as they don't want children and the wife has had health problems with birth control. Couples not wanting kids is at an all time high apparently.
 

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Believe it or not, many younger couples are doing this as they don't want children and the wife has had health problems with birth control. Couples not wanting kids is at an all time high apparently.
We used condoms when we were younger and the wife went off the pill for health reasons. Then I had the snip. Best decision ever.
 

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Believe it or not, many younger couples are doing this as they don't want children and the wife has had health problems with birth control. Couples not wanting kids is at an all time high apparently.
We did this for our whole reproductive marriage. The pill killed my libido and changed my personality. My husband was glad not to have me on it.
 

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She accepted the apology and we are back sort of in the same place. But now I know I don't want to try any other **** plans, I really do love her, and if this is what I get, that's fine. I will keep trying for more, but I am not going to scheme.

Anyway, Saturday we made up and then she, not me, suggested sex without a condom. I am not sure why she did that, but it was nice.
@Underground66, I think you now noticed by being little bit assertive (kicking her out of the bed room) how she responded to you in bed.. no condoms!
Now she will start s**t testing you and most likely will go back to what you had before if not worse!

Do you go to the gym?
 

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Okay, so you weren't the Buddha badass on your first try. Remember she is a pro here so it is going to take a few shots, but I don't think this was the disaster you think it was.

You stood up for yourself and then she suggests sex herself, without requiring a condom. Sounds like progress.

Seriously, you unsettled her and even though she browbeat you into an apology she realised she needed to up her game a bit.

My recommendation is that you now just try and work on being more assertive and clear about what you want and what you will accept all the time rather than just doing it in a big blowout argument. I think it could work for you.

Do not be disheartened!
I agree, I don't think it was a total disaster. It would have been very unrealistic to expect one event to cause a total 180 from her after so many years. Her initiating and no condom sounds like a big win in this case. It is far from ideal, but a small step in the right direction.
 

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Discussion Starter · #249 ·
I agree, I don't think it was a total disaster. It would have been very unrealistic to expect one event to cause a total 180 from her after so many years. Her initiating and no condom sounds like a big win in this case. It is far from ideal, but a small step in the right direction.
To be more specific, I did initiate, but she suggested no condom without any suggestion from me. Now she is pulling back from that with the what if I get pregnant question. It's almost just worth it to bag it for a couple more years until she is done with her periods.
 

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Discussion Starter · #250 ·
@Underground66, I think you now noticed by being little bit assertive (kicking her out of the bed room) how she responded to you in bed.. no condoms!
Now she will start s**t testing you and most likely will go back to what you had before if not worse!

Do you go to the gym?
No, I don't go to the gym. I had free access to one thru work that I was using, but they closed it due to covid.

It's possible that she will try to revert back. We do have a date day coming up in a couple weeks. I want to see what happens then because that's usually when we would have non quickie sex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #251 ·
We did this for our whole reproductive marriage. The pill killed my libido and changed my personality. My husband was glad not to have me on it.
Same with my wife. Her libido was shot and she gained weight which was her major reason for stopping using it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #253 ·
Well, if you want to play the armchair psychologist...

They guy needs support in improving his assertiveness.

First time he tries he makes a little dent, causes her to react. Has so little self-confidence that he can't see that so gets hoovered once and is back to 5 minute quickies with the condom. At least my advice suggest he should continue with assertive behaviour and not see this is a 'disaster'.
Well, what I did see was that I need her it seems a lot more then she needs me. When I did apologize, she thanked me, I think this took something out of her as well.
 

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To be more specific, I did initiate, but she suggested no condom without any suggestion from me. Now she is pulling back from that with the what if I get pregnant question. It's almost just worth it to bag it for a couple more years until she is done with her periods.
No, I don't go to the gym. I had free access to one thru work that I was using, but they closed it due to covid.

It's possible that she will try to revert back. We do have a date day coming up in a couple weeks. I want to see what happens then because that's usually when we would have non quickie sex.
Have you read The Married Man Sex Life Primer? It has very good strategies for getting more sex by improving yourself and reacting better to your wife, without the sledgehammer approach of telling her to go sleep on the couch. I think it could be valuable in your situation.
 

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Discussion Starter · #256 ·
Okay, so you weren't the Buddha badass on your first try. Remember she is a pro here so it is going to take a few shots, but I don't think this was the disaster you think it was.

You stood up for yourself and then she suggests sex herself, without requiring a condom. Sounds like progress.

Seriously, you unsettled her and even though she browbeat you into an apology she realised she needed to up her game a bit.

My recommendation is that you now just try and work on being more assertive and clear about what you want and what you will accept all the time rather than just doing it in a big blowout argument. I think it could work for you.

Do not be disheartened!
Any time I have tried to talk about sex with her she gets argumentative and shuts me down. It's a no win situation.

I found the best thing right now is just to let things just happen in bed. We have some "dates" coming up where I hope things will be different. This is where I hope to be more assertive with what I would like to happen.
 

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Discussion Starter · #257 ·
I don't know -- Underground said this:

So, what exactly did she mean THEN? -- sounds like she may have wanted OUT even back then...(2013?)
She wanted out of the marriage in 2013. I had to struggle and fight to keep us together. It was an awful time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #258 ·
Ok so you had a talk with your wife. Sex increased but you still aren't satisfied so even though she showed she is trying or at least listening you threw her out of the bed?

She listened to you and increased sex. She told you about some of her needs including that you weren't nice to the kids. You say you reflected but how much really?

Then you chose not to use a condom during sex even though that is the agreed method? And are you ready for another special needs child? sporadic periods do not preclude pregnancy.

Third your wife sounds tired of taking care of special needs child with a husband she doesn't view as being as helpful as you could be and even sometimes mean. It is obvious she isn't orgasming but she is still entertaining you. You want to get back to oral. Many women change over the years and oral isn't for everyone. Have you tried anything else?

But don't worry about the sex....

Well I hope few people advising you here let you know this will most likely lead to divorce.

You should see a lawyer as I think you just crossed a bridge to far so to speak.

Please file for full custody so you can keep your kids and maybe your house.
It was a stupid plan that I shouldn't have done. She has increased sex.

I have been working with my kids. The actual major problem recently has been the older one tormenting the younger special needs ones. We have tried to address that. I have spent some extra time with my younger son working and playing with him. With my daughter. it's been a little rough. We are really disconnected and I am not sure how to improve it.

I have always been the one to work with my older son as we have to divide and conquer at times. This is why she works more younger two more then I do. It's not this way all the time, but just alot of the time.

I don't need or want to see a lawyer. I don't want a divorce,

I want to try to improve what we have. But I think now I need to understand what is possible and probable and since I now think I am OK if it doesn't improve to accept it as it is. I can always keep trying to work at it, but if it doesn't change, I think I can get to a place where I can accept it. I hope that makes sense.
 

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Well, what I did see was that I need her it seems a lot more then she needs me. When I did apologize, she thanked me, I think this took something out of her as well.
Of course it took something out of her. You had expressed your feelings about sex. She had started having more sex with you and initiating and you basically said I don't even see your increased effort and it still isn't good enough. All the while she is struggling with two special needs children. That's very defeating.

Congrats on noticing now that it may not have been the best move.
 

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Your wife has almost divorced you, really doesn’t want to have sex with you, etc.

I totally get that you love her, you like having a family, etc, and don’t want to lose it. That is a great thing.
Im not telling you to divorce her, but I would. I personally would rather not even have sex if I had to use a condom, but that’s just me. If I were you I’d get snipped tomorrow.
Thing is, there will still be excuses for no sex.

I honestly think you’re going to get old, never have a fulfilling sexual relationship, and since she always has one foot out the door, you’ll always be her doormat begging her to stay.

You have got to get to a place where you can live without her so you can make a decision on whether you ever want to have sex with a partner that wants you romantically again.

This concept of always begging her to stay and tolerating her uncaring behavior toward you, not just about sex, is no way to live.

I hope you figure out a way to be happy.
 
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