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Discussion Starter #1
Ok folks,

I am not to proud to be posting this story but I feel like i need an independent prospective.

I have been with my soon to be ex wife for the past 11 years, married 6 of them. I truely loved, and still do love her. I have a great job and make great money. Recently I returned from a national guard deployment from Afghanistan and throughout, well our, deployment my wife changed. Before I left we were happy. we had a marriage I loved to be in, i trusted her with my everything. We had fun together. Though we had bumps we worked it out. But when I came back she was a different person. She almost treated me like I died over there. She didnt care about anything regarding our marriage and was putting 0 effort into it. I eventually confronted her. I asked what the problem was and that I loved her and wanted to fix it. I also asked if there was soomeone else. She said no to the other person stuff and she said she wasnt happy and she didnt know why. We did try a therpaist with no effect. She started seeing one by herself which basically lead to the divorce talk. We had separated by that point because I could no longer tolerate her behavior at home, apathy, calluosness and unwillingness to work on things. I told her I was not going to be in a half ass marriage. She was literally making up excuses in front of me about why she was unhappy, about not doing enough in our twenties (not at all true), the army, all sorts f stuff to the point I was asking who she was talking about. Because it wasnt me.

I think she has a mid life crisis unfolding. Maybe someone else. I dont know. I really love my wife and think we are really supposed to be together.

Since she told me she wanted a divorce 2-3 months ago I have not reached out to her, only emails about money and the house. She initially triedto maintian a friendship but I told her that is not going to work.

I hate it. I hate that I have to do this. I know that eventually the other shoe will drop but do people snap out of it? She is almost on autopilot and in a haze. Making decisions without thinking completely.

So do people snap out of it? MY friends, and some of hers constantly say that she wont find anyone like me. but those words hold no value right now.

Any thoughts?
 

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Quit worrying about her.

Time to take care of you.

Read up on the 180 here.

It's your only way forward, whether you R or D.
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Jay

Yep same old story.

I've been with my husband 12 years married 8.... He has/is re-writing history just like your wife. He dropped the bomb on me in February. I moved out in August. At first it was a relief..... Last few days a fresh wave of heartache even worse than before... Constant tears. Disbelief.... So bewildered and lost. Genuinely believed we would be together forever.... But when WS lie to themselves and us for months/years.... This is the result. It should not happen in a 'true' marriage... In an authentic marriage it would never ever happen... Communication and love should get you past every struggle... But when one person keeps their true feelings hidden the marriage is already dead in the water.

You sound so strong - not being friends with her is very brave... I wish so much that I could do the same... I think that is clearly the quickest way to get them (WS) to wake up - if they're ever going to. I think you should continue this track if you want your wife to come back... But the likelihood is, you probably won't want to reconcile by the time she does.... Plus as an outsider it is soooo easy to say; do you REALLY want to dedicate the rest of your precious life to a woman who could do this???? Now if I could just get that into my own thick head - id be sorted!!
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Well I believe it was a midlife crisis, it lasted about 3 months. I even talked to a couple divorce lawyers. Had it in my head that he didn't love me for who I am. Then went and had an EA with an ex boyfriend...had a nervous breakdown and hubby rescued me after I had betrayed him. We are still struggling now 7 months later and doing marriage counseling. It's a long story but good luck it is not easy.
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My thoughts are you have been replaced and for the life of me can't figure out why you have not told us anything about the investigation that you need to be doing to either confirm or deny the fact of someone else infecting the dynamics of the marriage.

It may not even be a swinging penis but some toxic girl friend that is influencing the dynamics.

When my my wife pulled this crap I didn't waste any time in helping her pack.

Your wife is lucky....while you p^ssy foot around she gets to have her cake and eat it to.

So how much space have you given her? Let me guess, she gets out 3-4 X a week?

Its time to raise your attraction level up by being confident in leting her go, cuz you will no longer share your wife. Even if your not sharing your wife and she just wants out....show her your confident enought in find someone else....so the sooner she leaves to do what ever she needs to do.....the sooner you can go on living.

I understand you lover her, but you have to love your self 1st before anyone else can love you back. So go out and start looking after your self. Your wife can come along if she wants, but that still remains to be seen!
 

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The guy

Well As far as this investigation thing you speak of. The evidence is clear, something had changed without my knowledge or input and there is a dark horse in this race. And as far as space, we don't live together anymore. We are separated.
 
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