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Sad to see

14K views 48 replies 25 participants last post by  happyhusband0005 
#1 ·
This section has the fewest posts.. sigh..
Hopefully there are more success stories that are shown here to show there is happiness in 20 yr + marriages....

My wife and I will be married 20 yrs in June , 2 kids ..1 in university the other next year , she turned 42 this yr so we will most likely be empty nesters in our early / mid 40's..

Our friends , about 3/4 of them are still in relations of 10+ yrs , but some are teetering on collapse.. Still better than the national avg..
 
#2 ·
Indeed. Congrats btw. :)
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#3 ·
Other facts of our 20 yr marriage..

Wife was a sahm.. We wanted that from the start .. I now want to be a SahD..:D

Kids are excellent in school , My son who started university may likely get an assistant to a professor job because of his marks..

Even though I am self employed 10 + yrs , I always stayed home Sundays..

Wife is Xcellent cook.. I have not lost the weight since our first child..

She still laughs at my humor..

She has always missed me and cant wait until I get home from work , even on a daily basis..

TBC
 
#4 ·
That sounds wonderful parrot! I love reading stories like this. Im wishing you and a few others on here many more years of happiness. :)
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#5 ·
Congratulations! :D I like to hear successful stories, they inspire me and puts a smile on my face. :)

I guess that maybe the best things are rare and hard to achieve. It's normal that relationships has its ups and downs, but many couples might not last when they pass through the downs.

But it makes me smile every time I see an old couple holding hands. It's so sweet, and I believe that affection and love do last. :)
 
#10 ·
Great to hear, I'd love to hear more!

It seems natural that this section would have the least posts, since most people probably find this forum because they are looking to fix something. When our relationships are working well, we don't tend to worry about learning more about it!

Anyways, really great to hear. And I would love to hear more about it.
 
#13 ·
Mavash said: I don't post in this section because people come here for help not to read happy stories.
I did a happy post on here .... sappy / romantic / hand in hand stuff ..... then Mavash posted this right after....I suddenly felt this sense of embarrassment - like I am uncaring, braggish... so I immediately deleted it. I don't believe it was personal in any way - but she probably has a point and many DO feel this way.

A question for you all ......

It is more
and a sense of
when you read of others HAPPY experiences / marriages and / or thrilling fireworks sex lives here on TAM ?

I never forgot this thread by Romantic Guy - he felt almost guilty talking about the GOOD in his marriage because of all the pain spilled here ... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/39436-so-sad.html

I know even for me, I find myself envious reading certain posts ...we probably all have our triggers....but yet... I love the openness, the stories of overcoming, and the sharing of the good too.
 
#17 ·
We are like you Parrot_head....we try to never let the sun go down on our anger...(ya know a scripture says that ~ Ephesians 4:26).... I would say maybe 2-3 times in 23 yrs. I simply can't sleep if we are :mad:

We are both utterly miserable & worthless to anyone when we are at odds... but in it's own way...this is helpful...as it brings us together - so we'll deal with it, get it all out & find our "Peace" again. Everybody has times of conflict.
 
#24 · (Edited)
I have been awol for a while..

I want to add my wife has had OCD her whole life. She is petrifed of infection/disease . Not for herself , but the kids..
3 yrs ago one of our friends mentioned that her brother got HIV from possibly a blood transfusion many years ago . After My wife heard that , she shut down completely. The summer of 2010 was particularly bad as she would not leave the bedroom for weeks.

It was so bad one time that after my son had a haircut , she was thinking that "what if " the person cutting the hair had HIV , and somehow it go onto a cut on his head.. etc..etc..
That was when she completely shut down . The only way I could get her out was that she insisted he get an aids test..
So I said ok , after that it was like she was a new person. The problem was the next haircut .. the next dentist appointment .. you know what Im getting at..

I had to password the intenet because all she did was search what ifs all day..


It was the most difficult time of our marriage forsure.
We went to the doctor and after that episode it was treated..

She has now been medicated for over a year and she is completely a new person , no worries . No problems.
The only one was weight gain , she did tack on about 50 pounds in a very short while. If you search through my old posts spread on this message board , you will see mention of this . It still does not bother me as much as it does her . I still find her extremely sexy and attractive. She is the best thing that ever happened to me along with my 2 kids..

This post is here because although there is much goodness in our marriage , sometimes you have major bumps as well..

I also want to add , to both of us sex is very important. We are both HD , even though she is on SSRI meds.. I cant imagine what her drive would be if she was not.
When people say sex isn't that important, I believe it's not true.

This June 12th is our 21st anniversary , I cannot imagine myself with anyone else...ever
 
#26 ·
Hi Everyone , Just want to put something out there that just came to me..

Every morning in bed , before I go to work , we embrace for a good 1/2 hour ..

We have been doing this as long as I can remember.. It feels really good when we are both naked :ezpi_wink1:.. But we do it either way ..

I can't remember the last time we didn't embrace before we got up from bed..

a small thing to ponder .. It will strengthen your bond IMO
 
#27 ·
That's a good habit to get into ... my husband sets his alarm a little early just so he can jump back in bed & we hold each other - maybe 10 minutes longer.. I've always felt very loved by this...and have told him so...

A great way to start the day... lying in each others arms..

 
#29 ·
I haven't posted here because of respect for those others that don't have it so good. I mean, I see so many people that have broken marriages that it really bothers me. I've been through some tumultuous relationships before my wife, and I can relate to some of the problems others are having. I look back now, and think to myself, "If I would've married .... , I would likely be having some of these same problems." Thank God I didn't!

I was growing tired of searching for a woman in all the wrong places, so I joined a dating service, hoping that might help me find the "one". It was a service where you described yourself, what you were looking for, and what you were hoping to find in a date. Then, if they wanted to talk to you they could leave a voicemail for you return their call. After several dates that didn't lead anywhere, I had all but given up. I even cancelled my subscription to the dating service. Fortunately, they still kept me on file for a few weeks.

That's when it happened. A promising young lady liked what she heard and wanted me to call her if I was still looking. I called her back, and we talked and laughed on the phone for over 4 hours long distance. It was like we had known each other our whole lives! We decided to meet, and we were both like, "Wow!" We were immediately attracted to each other. Not only that, we could talk about any and everything because we felt so comfortable with each other. Needless to say, we communicated on a level that I had never thought was possible. We only dated for about 2-1/2 months before we were married. That's how sure we were!

We have now been married for a little over 19 years, with two daughters. We have been through some trying times, but we were both committed to making our marriage work. We're like two newlyweds that can't get enough of each other even after 19+ years. We hug each other, hold hands, kiss, and we say "I love you" no matter where we are. I have often been asked how do we do it after so many years. I always tell them because we are best friends who communicate, and actually DO love each other. If they persist, I tell them we have lots of really good sex.:D
 
#31 ·
If you consider, though, all those who are in a 20+ year marriage as I am, but are trapped in the marriage and can't get out due to what would happen to finances in a divorce, the numbers drop off even more. If men were allowed to get divorced just as easily as women can, I think you would be very hard pressed to have any marriage last more than 20 years. Our's definitely wouldn't have lasted.
 
#33 ·
We have 3 morning alarms, first one is so we can commence "the cuddle", second one (half hour later) is when he should get up and start getting ready but if "the cuddle" has developed into something further, then we have alarm number 3 which means, now you have to move quickly or be late!

I wouldn't be able to start the day without the cuddle.:laugh:
 
#37 ·
EllisRedding is right. The vast majority of 20+ year marriages that I know of are very happy ones, usually being very obvious happy ones.

It's sad that there are those people that are staying married because the alternative is worse. Life is much, much too short to not be happy. Either work on making the marriage better, or move on, and that works for both spouses. Is she not willing to do her part? Either way, it's time to have the "talk", and the follow through if necessary, in my opinion.
 
#40 ·
Stats are hard to come by, but
Divorce Author: “I Think 17% Of Marriages Are Happy.” Dana Adam Shapiro says talking to people about their divorces actually made him more optimistic about marriage — but he still thinks truly happy ones are in the minority.
( http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/divorce-author-i-think-17-of-marriages-are-happ )

This agrees with a number (20%) that I read about years ago in a study of long term marriages - of those still together after 20+ years, about a fifth are quite happy in their marriages. That implies most range from very unhappy to content, and if normal distributions apply, then the majority are in the "good enough to stay and not bad enough to leave" category.
 
#41 ·
Stats are hard to come by, but

( http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/divorce-author-i-think-17-of-marriages-are-happ )

This agrees with a number (20%) that I read about years ago in a study of long term marriages - of those still together after 20+ years, about a fifth are quite happy in their marriages. That implies most range from very unhappy to content, and if normal distributions apply, then the majority are in the "good enough to stay and not bad enough to leave" category.
However in this case normal distributions do NOT apply. There is significant financial pressure put on men to make them stay in the marriage even though they don't want to. If you take that away, I think you're probably looking at 10% or less are truly happy.
 
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