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Stats are hard to come by, but

( http://www.buzzfeed.com/annanorth/divorce-author-i-think-17-of-marriages-are-happ )

This agrees with a number (20%) that I read about years ago in a study of long term marriages - of those still together after 20+ years, about a fifth are quite happy in their marriages. That implies most range from very unhappy to content, and if normal distributions apply, then the majority are in the "good enough to stay and not bad enough to leave" category.
However in this case normal distributions do NOT apply. There is significant financial pressure put on men to make them stay in the marriage even though they don't want to. If you take that away, I think you're probably looking at 10% or less are truly happy.
 

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^ Yeah, you're right - the financial pressures may indeed create an abnormal distribution, and coincidentally may prevent some women from leaving an unhappy marriage too. That would make the "not good enough to stay but can't afford to leave" category much larger.
 

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Discussion Starter #43 (Edited)
Hi Everyone!

I have been off the message boards for a while due to various things..



I am going to try and read some of the threads and see if I can help out

Some health issues have arisen for me and I have to take it easy ..
Put my mom in a home this week as her dementia is difficult for us to live with ..
I am close to my mom but not affectionate if that makes sense..

When I went to see her , I broke down and cried ..hugged her longer than I ever have done in my 50 year life..





On a more positive note ..
I'm glad to say , We will be hitting our 25th anniversary in the next 2 weeks!

Nothing has changed
Im still crazy for my wife ...

Got her a 25th anniversary diamond ring and having it engraved ..
Still unsure what to put..

Am thinking

To 25 More Love W____


Maybe some thought from you fine folks..

Take care !
 

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Hi Everyone!

I have been off the message boards for a while due to various things..



I am going to try and read some of the threads and see if I can help out

Some health issues have arisen for me and I have to take it easy ..
Put my mom in a home this week as her dementia is difficult for us to live with ..
I am close to my mom but not affectionate if that makes sense..

When I went to see her , I broke down and cried ..hugged her longer than I ever have done in my 50 year life..





On a more positive note ..
I'm glad to say , We will be hitting our 25th anniversary in the next 2 weeks!

Nothing has changed
Im still crazy for my wife ...

Got her a 25th anniversary diamond ring and having it engraved ..
Still unsure what to put..

Am thinking

To 25 More Love W____


Maybe some thought from you fine folks..

Take care !
Hi Parrot, I'm glad you posted and brought this thread back to life. First let me say I know how difficult dealing with a loved one with dementia can be, my wife's grandmother suffered for years, and really needed to be in a home with a very good staff to care for her. So I feel for you.

I have had a hard time relating to a lot of the issues here but try to give advice from my more positive perspective. I hope it can be helpful for people like us to be here to say happiness is possible and love can conquer all. I also think what I have discovered is that we have been lucky in that all people change over time, for those of us in happy marriages, I think we have grown together with our spouses while some couples grow apart. My Wife and I began dating in high school and have been together for 26 years, married 16 years last week. We grew together and I can honestly say we have never had more than minor arguments since we got married. I would say more than anything we have been very lucky. We just fit together perfectly. In our lives it has always been us, what's good for her is good for me and vive versa. We have always seen each others happiness as the key to our own.

When I was finishing college (6 year degree) and she had graduated already she had the opportunity to move to London (we live in the states). She made a 1 week trip to meet the people she would be working with and in that week she felt very lonely. She was going to turn it down, but I knew it would be great for her in her personal growth to I talked her into going. Well it ended up being the best decision of her life. She got to travel through all of Europe made some really great friends we still go visit today and really grew as a person personally and professionally. She is still grateful to this day that I convinced her to do it. It wasn't to my benefit to have my girlfriend an ocean away but it was about her happiness and her having an opportunity of a lifetime.

That has been our motto in our relationship, trust and support. When I decided to start developing commercial real estate 10 years ago, it was going to require me putting every single dollar we had on the line and we had just had a baby. I knew I had a talent but was still very nervous because of the risk. She gave me the confidence and support to do it. That was the best decision of my life and our family has benefited greatly.

I tell these two little stories because they represent the main reason for our success. We both equate the others happiness to our own. If she is stressed out or down so I am so the two of us put forth the effort to get out of that state.

About half of marriages end in divorce and of the marriages that don't not all are happy, so in reality truly happy marriages are the minority.

some things we do that keep us together and happy.

1. We are very affectionate with each other, we really pass each other without a quick hug or a kiss.
2. We communicate about everything openly and honestly. There is no subject that is out of bounds.
3. We do little things for each other for no particular reason at all. If I know she has been online window
shopping i might sneak onto her computer and buy what ever she added to her shopping cart without
her knowing, the UPS guy just shows up with it in a few days. Stuff like that
4. We give each other our own time. I might take the kids off for a night so she can have the whole house
to herself have friends over for drinks. Just time to decompress and unwind.
5. Since I graduated from college we have never gone more than 3 days with out sex. One exception was
when she had a complication during a pregnancy and we were both to paranoid to have piv sex until the
baby was born.
6. We compromise as a rule.
7. We have date nights every week, and take a few trips a year just the two of us. If the grandparents
want to take the kids for the weekend we let them.

There's a million little things and they are things we just do, we don't have a checklist we follow it's just how we live. Every day we wake up we love each other a little more.

I like the inscription you have, Simple and clear. I have seen one before that was A Diamond is for ever and so are we. But that is too long for a ring I think.

Keep on keeping on.
 

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PH
Thanks for posting this. It is good to read of other couples who have been together for long times.

Ms. gamboolgal and I are approaching our 37th anniversary.

It seems like the blink of a GD eye when I saw her for the first time......in Deep East Texas....
I can/do recall most everything on that day, Saturday, 13-Jan-79.

The chair she was sitting in when I walked into the living room, her posture, the colors of the sweater she had on, the color of her pants, and the look in her eye's when I looked into her eye's for the first time.

I was gut hooked deep from that instant.

We were inseparable from that moment on and married right at 3 year later.

My regrets are the things I have said and/or done to hurt her feelings.... boys and boys in mens bodies will do some dumb assszzzzz stuff for sure.

Ms. gamboolgal has followed me all over the world as I have been in the oilpatch from age 18. We moved 14 times the 1st 20 year of marriage....go to the job or go to hell.... We have been working international permanent married accompanied basis in Africa for 15+ years in not so nice locations.....no one vacations where we work....

As long as we are together we are happy.... That is one thing working international has taught us... home is being together with the lady you love. Nothing else matters too much.

While I will always see her in my minds eye as a barely 17 year old babe.... That was then and this is now....She is more beautiful to me now than ever....

I am thankful that I have been able to share life, living, loving and growing old together with her.

God willing, when I retire from the oilfield next year we'll have many more years for me to chase her around the house neckid.....

Lifes a Dance and You Learn As You Go....

gamboolman....

 

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Discussion Starter #46
Hi Parrot, I'm glad you posted and brought this thread back to life. First let me say I know how difficult dealing with a loved one with dementia can be, my wife's grandmother suffered for years, and really needed to be in a home with a very good staff to care for her. So I feel for you.

I have had a hard time relating to a lot of the issues here but try to give advice from my more positive perspective. I hope it can be helpful for people like us to be here to say happiness is possible and love can conquer all. I also think what I have discovered is that we have been lucky in that all people change over time, for those of us in happy marriages, I think we have grown together with our spouses while some couples grow apart. My Wife and I began dating in high school and have been together for 26 years, married 16 years last week. We grew together and I can honestly say we have never had more than minor arguments since we got married. I would say more than anything we have been very lucky. We just fit together perfectly. In our lives it has always been us, what's good for her is good for me and vive versa. We have always seen each others happiness as the key to our own.

When I was finishing college (6 year degree) and she had graduated already she had the opportunity to move to London (we live in the states). She made a 1 week trip to meet the people she would be working with and in that week she felt very lonely. She was going to turn it down, but I knew it would be great for her in her personal growth to I talked her into going. Well it ended up being the best decision of her life. She got to travel through all of Europe made some really great friends we still go visit today and really grew as a person personally and professionally. She is still grateful to this day that I convinced her to do it. It wasn't to my benefit to have my girlfriend an ocean away but it was about her happiness and her having an opportunity of a lifetime.

That has been our motto in our relationship, trust and support. When I decided to start developing commercial real estate 10 years ago, it was going to require me putting every single dollar we had on the line and we had just had a baby. I knew I had a talent but was still very nervous because of the risk. She gave me the confidence and support to do it. That was the best decision of my life and our family has benefited greatly.

I tell these two little stories because they represent the main reason for our success. We both equate the others happiness to our own. If she is stressed out or down so I am so the two of us put forth the effort to get out of that state.

About half of marriages end in divorce and of the marriages that don't not all are happy, so in reality truly happy marriages are the minority.

some things we do that keep us together and happy.

1. We are very affectionate with each other, we really pass each other without a quick hug or a kiss.
2. We communicate about everything openly and honestly. There is no subject that is out of bounds.
3. We do little things for each other for no particular reason at all. If I know she has been online window
shopping i might sneak onto her computer and buy what ever she added to her shopping cart without
her knowing, the UPS guy just shows up with it in a few days. Stuff like that
4. We give each other our own time. I might take the kids off for a night so she can have the whole house
to herself have friends over for drinks. Just time to decompress and unwind.
5. Since I graduated from college we have never gone more than 3 days with out sex. One exception was
when she had a complication during a pregnancy and we were both to paranoid to have piv sex until the
baby was born.
6. We compromise as a rule.
7. We have date nights every week, and take a few trips a year just the two of us. If the grandparents
want to take the kids for the weekend we let them.

There's a million little things and they are things we just do, we don't have a checklist we follow it's just how we live. Every day we wake up we love each other a little more.

I like the inscription you have, Simple and clear. I have seen one before that was A Diamond is for ever and so are we. But that is too long for a ring I think.

Keep on keeping on.

So many good things you have stated apply to us as well! ( sex part especially )

people are focused on money , more and more.. I see it everywhere
My parents saved , saved , saved

Rarely went on trips.. planned on going later in life
bad Health took it away from them..

I have always did family trips , and my kids have memories
I have and always go away twice a year with my wife , we rent private houses in places like the muskokas in Canada and Pensacola beach .. We love it there

Thanks for all that you've wrote !
 

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Discussion Starter #47
PH
Thanks for posting this. It is good to read of other couples who have been together for long times.

Ms. gamboolgal and I are approaching our 37th anniversary.

It seems like the blink of a GD eye when I saw her for the first time......in Deep East Texas....
I can/do recall most everything on that day, Saturday, 13-Jan-79.

The chair she was sitting in when I walked into the living room, her posture, the colors of the sweater she had on, the color of her pants, and the look in her eye's when I looked into her eye's for the first time.

I was gut hooked deep from that instant.

We were inseparable from that moment on and married right at 3 year later.

My regrets are the things I have said and/or done to hurt her feelings.... boys and boys in mens bodies will do some dumb assszzzzz stuff for sure.

Ms. gamboolgal has followed me all over the world as I have been in the oilpatch from age 18. We moved 14 times the 1st 20 year of marriage....go to the job or go to hell.... We have been working international permanent married accompanied basis in Africa for 15+ years in not so nice locations.....no one vacations where we work....

As long as we are together we are happy.... That is one thing working international has taught us... home is being together with the lady you love. Nothing else matters too much.

While I will always see her in my minds eye as a barely 17 year old babe.... That was then and this is now....She is more beautiful to me now than ever....

I am thankful that I have been able to share life, living, loving and growing old together with her.

God willing, when I retire from the oilfield next year we'll have many more years for me to chase her around the house neckid.....

Lifes a Dance and You Learn As You Go....

gamboolman....



You are Beautiful people!..
She is still a beauty ! Glad to hear you will retire soon ..

Blue label lol


Thanks for your contribution!
 

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Discussion Starter #48
Hi Everyone!

I have been off the message boards for a while due to various things..



I am going to try and read some of the threads and see if I can help out

Some health issues have arisen for me and I have to take it easy ..
Put my mom in a home this week as her dementia is difficult for us to live with ..
I am close to my mom but not affectionate if that makes sense..

When I went to see her , I broke down and cried ..hugged her longer than I ever have done in my 50 year life..





On a more positive note ..
I'm glad to say , We will be hitting our 25th anniversary in the next 2 weeks!

Nothing has changed
Im still crazy for my wife ...

Got her a 25th anniversary diamond ring and having it engraved ..
Still unsure what to put..

Am thinking

To 25 More Love W____


Maybe some thought from you fine folks..

Take care !
I ended up engraving

" time flies love stays "

Looking forward to our celebration in Niagara on the lake next week ( her absolute favorite place )
 
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