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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In April my husband had a ONS, he was black out drunk, this is not something he would've normally done. He was working away from home 8 days away, 6 days home.

We worked hard, we went to counseling, then a better counseling... things were good, he was trying so hard.

Things he's done... quit drinking, quit watching porn, quit looking at other women... the issue is I never knew he did most of that stuff because it was at work stuff. He would drink 12+ beers and 2 sleeping pills a night on the road 'til he passed out, but could leave a beer in the fridge and not touch it at home.

Things were getting better and better, we were working things out, we had a lot more happy days than not happy days, the spells got fewer and fewer, I even went off my antidepressants and things were good.

But for the last maybe 4 weeks I feel like it's back to "before", he doesn't seem as loving, he doesn't seem to help around the house, just watch tv mostly. He gets upset about stupid things and will say I'm treating him like he's stupid. He has a new job where he's home every night and stops in during the days if he's in the area. If he's not with me, he's with the kids. He hasn't been drinking, and he no longer watches porn because he doesn't have access to it at home ( no computer, and he knows if I found some it would be the end of our marriage). I feel like he doesn't really want to have sex with me, although he says he does. Then I get to the point where I don't want to have sex with him or do anything with him because I feel like he doesn't even care.

I've been under a lot of stress due to nursing school as well.

I just don't know, lately I've been feeling like we're stuck back to where we were before. If everything that happened can help us have a happier life, then I understand. But if not... I'm wondering if I need to rethink my life plan. I just went back on my antidepressants as well. I'd love some useful input. So many people want life to go back to "how it was" but afterwords I actually got the husband I wanted when he realized how he's lacked so much in our marriage, the husband who treated me lovingly, told me I was wonderful, and beautiful and was supportive of the things I was doing in my life like going to school again. Was it just a front? :(:(
 

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But for the last maybe 4 weeks I feel like it's back to "before", he doesn't seem as loving, he doesn't seem to help around the house, just watch tv mostly.
What have you done to improve your marriage? Are the two of you spending 15+ on undivided attention time?

What changes have been made in your marriage to affair-proof it? Have the two of you been spending 25+ hours of Undivided Attention time each week?

It sounds to me like you're sliding back into old, bad habits.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't know what you mean by 15+ and 25+ hours. He works full time, I got to school full time and we have kids and such. At this point in our lives, there is no way we have 25 hours each week for each other unless I plan on flunking out of school and losing my scholarships. I'm done in May.

I have been living my life the same since we met basically. I'm a good wife, I'm a good mother. I'm an honor society student and have been working on this degree for about 3 years now. I've made adjustments for him to help him be happy, he is very much money oriented, I am not. I stay within the budget's he wants, I help get the bills paid on time, etc. He allots what goes where. I've given up being so controlling of things around the house (I ran it for over 8 years while he was working on the road basically on my own and basically as a single parent) and making sure to get his input on things. I leave notes for him, or send him texts, and I've worked on giving more in the bedroom.

Things were going really great until lately... I just don't understand.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Obviously if he were to have another ONS then the marriage would be gone as well. No porn, no drinking are both part of my line, if he doesn't like them he can leave. He CAN'T watch a little porn, he has an extremely addictive personality and it was to the point where he could not reach an orgasm or get a good erection in bed with me because I wasn't porn. THAT is a problem in my book and I do believe (with support from our psychologist) it was part of the reason he even has the ONS or whatever happened since no one seems to even know other than waking up with a woman in his hotel room.

Quick to judge are we not? I'm not a controlling *****. I simply set my standards and he choses them over me, we will part our ways. He is the one who set this path into motion with his actions and lies. He is the one who chooses to stay, just as I do.
 
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