Ruined is the title....I am sure some will read this and be able to somewhat relate but I hope that none of you have done or will do the same. The full story is much too long so this will be just the main essentials. I married and was absolutley in love with my wife, who was pregnant at the time. I had to leave to go to school for the entire pregnancy but was there for the delivery. After that I got relocated and my wife stayed with her parents who she didn't have a great relationship with. Over the year I was away I cheated many times and our relationship deteriorated. She found out and we weren't going to stay together. About 8 months later she decided to take me back. From there was just many many acts of betrayal, unforgivable actions, and absolutely stupid and childish actions performed by none other than me. She was my best friend and the only person I met who ever really loved me.....and she forgave me for all of it....I except for this most recent time. We won't divorce because of our child who deserves both parents to raise them. I don't want to be with anyone but her but she hates me...which is way less than I deserve. I have lost my best friend and my wife and there is nothing i can do to fix it. This is not a self loathing story...more of a story that shows you what not to do when you have a best friend who you had the privilege/honor of marrying like I had....please don't take your wives for granted and treat them right, or be prepared to be an empty vessel filled with regret,shame,dishonor,failure, and loneliness.