My wife occasionally gets this way.Hello all,
First time posting here and I just wanted insight into these recent argument I had with my Wife. We are going to counselling in regards to it next week but I just wanted get your guys opinion.
Wife and I were doing some shopping and we were both little frustrated with the day. My wife is pregnant and near the end of the pregnancy. We have a daughter who sometimes just wants her mom to do everything. Overall we were both little agitated as I wanted to help and my wife is pregnant and tired.
The situation started when I was trying to put my daughter in the car and was trying to buckle her up but she refused for me to buckle her up and wanted only mom to do it. So I said okay and when back to the driver seat and waited for her to stop crying from her tantrum. My wife asked my daughter if she sets in the back with her will she buckle her seat belt and she agreed. So my wife went to the back seat and as she got in she dinged the car next to us twice and that’s when the argument started.
I had said that: “[wife name] that’s not nice, you hit the car. (I said it in a calm way and from my perspective I wasn’t sure if she knew she hit the car and we both hate when people hit our cars).
That’s when my wife got upset and said: “do you think I am dumb, I know I hit the car, I didn’t hit the car on purpose, you don’t need to say everything, cant you see this is not the time, do you think I have dementia and really need to tell me I hit the car? etc.” She continued to scream and yell, mocking me etc. and I told her to “I can say anything I want and please stop, you are being defensive and yelling next to our child”.
After I said that she screamed, swore at me, insulted me and yelled all the way home. Got to the point where I could not even drown her out by putting the music higher. I told her to stop speaking to me this way and she didn’t stop. I just stayed quiet and I got home and I got out of the car and walked away. We didn’t speak rest of the night.
The next day she told me that I hurt her feelings by telling her “that’s not nice” and that I need to be more emotionally intelligent and saying “that’s not nice” is condescending to her and that I need to be more aware of the situation where if the kid is crying, she’s pregnant and we have had a rough day, I shouldn’t need to say “that’s not nice or anything at all”. Also I should have clued in she's upset about something and just said “your right, sorry and stopped”
I am still angry the way she spoke to me and I told her I am not going to tolerate that kind of behavior and told her I was sorry for hurting her feelings but yelling and screaming in front of our kid is not acceptable for neither of us. I explained that if I hurt your feelings instead of attacking me and going on the offense, she needs to just state, Hey you hurt my feelings by saying that please stop or even this is not the time, instead of expecting me to just clue in.
She blames me that its my fault with how it started and there is no way a sensible person under that much frustration can calmly state their feelings. She also said I need to be more aware of the situation before saying my opinion. I completely disagree and I just wanted to get everyone’s opinion on how I handled this and if regardless of what’s happening or frustrating, communicative your feelings effectively is still must and screaming and yelling is not okay.
Also is saying “that’s not nice” condescending or demeaning?
It is pure projection of what her inside voice says to her. She has low self esteem...right?
"Wife, I lack the ability or motivation to compete with your internal dialogue."
Then, when she loses her **** over hearing that, simply say:
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
Then walk away and go do something you want to do.
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