Our worst times have been that way too... We're very happy when we're together and we rarely fight. Even if we do its usually over quickly. Over here though its hard because we fight alot. Mostly cause I'm lonely over here by myself and he's always busy with his friends. He tries but it sucks. He really is but so am I, I suppose but I try my hardest to let him know I love him and still desire him but he doesnt seem to care to try and do the same. Our ideas are completely different and I dont know how to fix it.My wife and I have our worst times when we try and maintain happiness through a phone. I am horrible about interrupting and she just gets all quiet. I call it anti-phone sex. If he continues to be wonderful when you are with him and horrible on the phone, it could just be that he is horrible communicating that way.
:iagree:I respect the other opinions, but I'll throw out a different opinion. I'm a very logical, realist type. My pre-marital counselor would have told us that we were wasting our time in getting married if the husband, me, didn't realize that my wife, like many women, needed romance and intimacy that was initiated by me. She needed to be pursued to stay open sexually. The only thing keeping him from doing this is him. If his boss asks him to do something that is a little awkward or unnatural, he will not usually say no, will he? I think he needs to understand that it will not be easy for you to get over this, and that you are willing to work hard to support his efforts, but he needs to learn not to feel too embarrassed to be romantic. It comes much harder for some than others, but the only missing element in getting to this place is the will to do it.
Sure, he may never be a very passionate person, but you said that you can accept this. He can learn to kiss, flirt, hold, and caress you, though. It feels awkward as all get out, but when it is reinforced by the wife, this passes pretty quickly.
I try to be open and honest to him but he's not very open back. He thinks me asking him to be romantic towards me sometimes means that I'm trying to completely change him. He says "I'm sorry I'll never be like that. It's not my thing. It's just something I can't give you." He doesnt seem to get almost EVERY woman needs a little bit of romance now and then and I feel since we are so apart I need it a little bit more now then ever. I just cant get him to see that. I'm gonna try HappyWife40's advice... hopefully it'll help him a little bit but dont really know if he'll go for it at all.:iagree:
I know my SO has found it very awkward in the past, but he is trying and getting much better. It is so important to me that he be flirty/ sexual/ romantic. It makes me feel connected to him and it does help me be open sexually.
We also have a long distance relationship, that will hopefully not be long distance for too much longer. It is very hard.
I have been very open and honest about what I need from my SO to stay attracted to him. And luckily he is willing to try and do those things and it means a lot to me.
I agree that HappyWife40's advice is probably the best way to get some traction here. Praise him for what he does, and even let him know that he is good at it, if he is. As a guy, though, I just think that the excuse of saying that something 'just isn't me' is many times just manspeak for 'I'm too ashamed to try'. The same person will often puff their chest out proudly when their wife flutters with contentment over some small romantic act. One of the key drivers of many men is a hidden desire to be thought of as a great lover by our wife, but the challenge just feels so awkward for many that we settle for something less, and claim that we never wanted it in the first place.I try to be open and honest to him but he's not very open back. He thinks me asking him to be romantic towards me sometimes means that I'm trying to completely change him. He says "I'm sorry I'll never be like that. It's not my thing. It's just something I can't give you." He doesnt seem to get almost EVERY woman needs a little bit of romance now and then and I feel since we are so apart I need it a little bit more now then ever. I just cant get him to see that. I'm gonna try HappyWife40's advice... hopefully it'll help him a little bit but dont really know if he'll go for it at all.
I'm so glad for you! That was a great list, by the way! Very non-threatening and he shouldn't feel awkward by your requests. Good job! :smthumbup:Oh yes! That sounds exactly right! Whenever I do get excited when he has done something romantic he's thrilled by it. Some good news is I just tried out HappyWife40's advice and he was ok with the list and willing to try! I picked little things that would make me happy like , "compliment me, pick a feature of mine you like and compliment it" "Tell me how much you miss me" "Call me just because! (without me asking you to)" some of the things and he said he'd give it a shot. So hopefully this helps him see that romance isnt (isnt just...) about sappy mushy stuff =)