My wife and I have a disagreement which threatens to destroy our marriage, because we are both very strong in our feelings. We would like to hear others' views and/or advice on how we can get passed this, and move on. Any posts would be greatly appreciated. Here's the situation: my wife and I live together in an apartment in Manhattan. My son lives in New Jersey, and I spend every other weekend in NJ with him. The alternate weekends, I am home in Manhattan. One recent Sunday morning, at around 9am, my wife got a call from her sister saying that she was taking the car to Costco and do some shopping, and invited my wife to join her. As we don't have a car, and this was a rare opportunity to do do bulk shopping, my wife said ok, and left me a nice note saying that she was going to Costco with her sister (I was still asleep). They ended up going to a couple of other stores, and she got home at 2:30 pm. Later that day, I told my wife that I was disappointed that she had gone out for so many hours without checking with me, because I was hoping that she and I would spend the day together. I told her that I really look forward to our weekends together and asked that, in the future, could she please just check with me before going out or making plans for several hours during our weekends together. I told her that I wasn't mad, just disappointed, and that, had she checked with me, I almost certainly would have understood and not objected, but I would just appreciate being consulted in the future. My wife however took great offense to my suggestion, saying that she shouldn't have to ask my permission to go shopping with her sister. She says that I am being totally unreasonable, and overly sensitive, and she has no intention of doing anything differently in the future. She feels that she wrote me a nice note, with hearts and smileys on it, and that was sufficient communication. She does not believe that, in the future, she should have to wake me and ask how I feel about it. I told her that makes me feel hurt because it seems that she doesn't care about my wishes. I told her that the only reason I feel the way I do is because I love her and treasure our time together, and that I'd hope that she respects my wishes. She says absolutely not, because she'd then be giving in to an unreasonable demand on my part, which suffocates her freedom. She feels that she went shopping for the two of us, and cooked me a nice meal that night (which she did) and that it is totally ridiculous of me to say that I was disappointed or felt hurt. She feels that I should be stronger emotionally, and not so needy. I, on the other hand, don't feel that I am being needy, but simply asking for a reasonable courtesy from my life partner-- a courtesy which I'm happy to show her in return, because I think that's how healthy relationships should work. She strongly disagrees and told me that if I asked ten people, all ten would agree with her. But I don't want to hang my dirty laundry for my family and friends, so I decided to post here instead, and hope that some of you may weigh in with opinions or advice. Thank you.
