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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What's it mean to "re-write history"?

It's when the WWS decides to focus on all negative things and pretend it was never good. For instance, you spouse may have, like mine, bragged to EVERYONE about how great their partner was, etc. THEN, in the midst of all this b/s we're going through, acts like none of it was good. Or says some was good but mostly bad.

They do this to justify actions and decisions they're doing now. LIke cheating, leaving, etc.

However, this thread is to focus on the TRUTHS that may lie within.

We all know we're not perfect. So. I'd like to have this as an admittance group thread. I'm trying to work on myself by admitting what I feel I've done wrong, and we can discuss each other's wrongs... along with what we think would correct them for the future.

1. I didn't put my wife #1 all the time.

2. I allowed us to get into the rut of every day life. Granted we were building a business (haunted house so seasonal) and we agreed we'd have to work work work and play very very little. So we both knew attention giving etc would be at an all time low. So this made things worse.

3. I belittled her sometimes. Said things I regretted very much later. Like I'd get upset or poke fun at how goofy she'd act sometimes. Asked her for better etiquette while eating. Sometimes she'd pile a huge fork full and shove it in, while at a $40 plate restaurant.

4. Anger issues. Sometimes yelled or hit a wall. Use to be VERY bad about 3 years ago. But have been VERY calm since then. INcluding road rage.

5. Anal sex. I'd ask for it from time to time. Knowing she didn't want to, but sometimes she'd be open to a lot of things and thought I may get her to try.

6. Didn't help out around the house a lot. Sometimes I'd not do dishes or w/e and let her do all the laundry. She works too. Also, going to family's house sometimes I would forget to help her with the clothes and bags. My deal was, I like to go in first, mingle a bit, THEN go out and get the stuff.... I never thought to help her first, NOR would I suggest leaving the stuff for a few minutes.

That's all I got right now. I'll come back and tackle each one of mine after while and tell how I've fixed, or plan on fixing my issues.

Feel free to share your faults in your relationship. I'd like to have a good discussion on things. We may not find other's faults to be that bad of an issue, and vice versa.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
#1. Putting wife #1. I don't think I have to work on that one now. Um... it seems to have taken priority now. Of course not NOW, lol because of the D papers I just received yesterday... but I now know without a doubt, I won't have a problem putting my partner #1. After my kid of course. It played / fixed itself once the hammer fell, ya know.

#2. I have a plan now. I have a schedule that I write out week to week and day to day things. Upon this I will have a list of waht to fill in. Inside that list I will have SPT. Special Things to do for people. NOT just my wife, but for everyone around me that deserves attention. Kids, neighbors kids, etc. Most importantly, the wife. This chart will help me get into the habit of doing things daily, and weekly to keep things going. OF COURSE don't want to make a BIG habit of things either... then it'd be like gold, if all the gravel turned to gold... it'd not be as special now would it? Keep it rare.

#3. This goes back to #1. I'm sure I'll have to have some practice, but I've learned my lesson hard on this. It hurts so bad to think of some of the things I've said to my wife. I think DAILY of how I won't do that anymore.

#4. Already taken care of. I had 2 different counselors to help with this, among with handling my separation. I've COMPLETELY taken out ROAD RAGE! I still make remarks, but I don't wish death upon idiots etc. I was MEEAAANNN to idiot drivers. Also, I've learned to keep calm in a lot of situations. I haven't yelled except for over emotional times like last night.

#5. Don't want it anymore. I don't even want a threesome. I don't want ANYONE except for my #1 partner. If we can't get it done ourselves, we'll talk and work things out alone or get special toys and fun things for the bedroom to make things more exciting if we need to.

#6. Before I moved out, I did all the laundry. Dishes, cooked every meal needing, I got up at 5:30 to go get her coffee 10 min's down the road. I took care of the kiddo, etc. I'm on the road to that, I understand now how much a woman does at home. I now get PLEASURE out of doing things like this to make it easier on her. Well, not NOW ... :p but you get it.
 

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This is a good idea Dewayne..
While not taking any blame for my Hs A I do appreciate that there are things I did which contributed to the almost break down of my 17 year marriage.

1. I took my husband and his love for granted
2. I rebuffed his compliments too many times
3. I rejected him sexually (H is hd) I didn't understand that it was such an important part of our relationship
4. I disrespected him and didn't give his opinion enough credit.
5. I put everyone else's needs before his.

We are making fabulous progress in our R. Recognising my faults and addressing them is a major part of that.
Nearly losing him has been a huge wake up call to me and vice versa. We both feel like we have been given a second chance at this marriage thing!!
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