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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When your spouse went NC, even if it was their idea, do you ever wonder if they feel they "can't" have the AP back, even if they say they can?

Like, they act like it was all them and maybe it was but truly in their heart think the AP would not have them back and returned to the marriage?

Does anyone ever think/feel that way?
 

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I'm not sure what you are getting at. Can you explain yourself a bit better please.

When my H finished his A he could have definitely had her back. She begged him and hassled him for about 2 weeks. The point was he didn't want her back. He'd made his choice and he made it before I agreed to have him back.
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When your spouse went NC, even if it was their idea, do you ever wonder if they feel they "can't" have the AP back, even if they say they can?

Like, they act like it was all them and maybe it was but truly in their heart think the AP would not have them back and returned to the marriage?

Does anyone ever think/feel that way?
In my case my ww and her op were exposed and his fiance clamped down on him. I find it doubtful that she could of had him even if she wanted. He made his choice and it was not her.
 

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When your spouse went NC, even if it was their idea, do you ever wonder if they feel they "can't" have the AP back, even if they say they can?

Like, they act like it was all them and maybe it was but truly in their heart think the AP would not have them back and returned to the marriage?

Does anyone ever think/feel that way?
The only time I would want to be someone's choice is the day I said "I Do". If at any point in time my wife felt the need to make that choice again because she met someone else, she can have that person and get the hell out. Naturally, I hope I would have the opportunity to learn about her "alienation of affections" before it becomes physical; I would want the chance to fight for her. But once either the physical line is crossed OR she feels that she would have to make a "Him or Me" decision, I'll make it easy for her, she can have him (and the hell I would put her through once she is gone).
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm not sure what you are getting at. Can you explain yourself a bit better please.

When my H finished his A he could have definitely had her back. She begged him and hassled him for about 2 weeks. The point was he didn't want her back. He'd made his choice and he made it before I agreed to have him back.
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I will use your situation as an example to clarify.

During the 2 weeks he kept rejecting her and made his choice to work things out with you, he may have alienated his AP to the point where he couldn't go back because he pushed her too far. So if even though he did the right thing, he may know in his heart he couldn't go back afterwards. And so just settled back into the marriage and (we) BS's think our WS's honestly is around because they want to be there and not because they blew their chance during the D-day aftershocks, which lasts months on end.
 
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