[ManOhMan2013]

Another poster talked to me about respecting myself.
So let's talk about what real self respect means? What does it mean to you? I want to respect myself, but I don't want to be some self impressed hypocrite who is all high and mighty like this jerk I used to know. I want to know what REAL SELF RESPECT IS.
So let's talk about what real self respect is and how it will effect our lives? What do we accept and not accept from our husband, wives, coworkers, friends and strangers? What what boundaries do we put up to not take any BS from people. In short, what is true self respect?

 

[MambaZee]

For me, I won't accept anyone talking to me in whatever nasty fashion they want. I had to teach my H this; it's not like he automatically knew this. Plus, my FIL talks down to my MIL all the time and I hate it, but I know that's where H learned it.

I also don't accept putdowns as "jokes." This is something else H had to learn and just grow out of, since his immaturity was a major part of my problems with him.

 

[Cora28]

I think self respect is essentially being true to yourself and beliefs, i.e. not becoming someone who you are not or being someone others want you to be. Of course, we all need to make compromises when it comes to family, friendships, etc, but not to the extent when you feel your self worth is being trampled on.

 

[greenpearl]

I don't beg for love. I just get it. If he doesn't give it to me, I walk away.

I don't beg for attention. I just keep my body in a sexy way. If he doesn't give me attention, other men will give me attention.

I don't beg for respect. I get my life organized, and he has to respect it. If he doesn't, he is the one who suffers, not me, because my life is organized and neat.

For co-workers, I don't reveal too much of my life to them. I do a good job, and let them know they can't mess up with me.

For friends, I don't complain to them about my life. A complaining person gets no respect. When people come to you for advice, you know you are in control.

 

[mablenc]

It also means not to do things that would be considered low, like cheating, lying, stealing. If you respect yourself you will not lower your standards.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ManOhMan2013]

I don't beg for love. I just get it. If he doesn't give it to me, I walk away.

I don't beg for attention. I just keep my body in a sexy way. If he doesn't give me attention, other men will give me attention.

I don't beg for respect. I get my life organized, and he has to respect it. If he doesn't, he is the one who suffers, not me, because my life is organized and neat.

For co-workers, I don't reveal too much of my life to them. I do a good job, and let them know they can't mess up with me.

For friends, I don't complain to them about my life. A complaining person gets no respect. When people come to you for advice, you know you are in control.

WELL SAID!!!!!! I LOVE ALL YOUR POINTS! WELL SAID!!!!!:smthumbup:


I had a boss who wasn't even born in my country, who could not speak my language talk down to me and show me disrespect in front of others. I promise myself I will never tolerate that again! I will tell my boss to treat me with the same respect I treat them and if they don't like me they can fire me but not to treat me with disrespect!!!

I AM SO IMPRESSED BY YOUR POST!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOUR LIFE ORGANIZED? I WANT TO KNOW! AND HOW DO YOU KEEP YOURSELF SEXY? I AM REALLY IMPRESSED BY YOUR POST!!!!

 

[toomuchtotell]

For me, I won't accept anyone talking to me in whatever nasty fashion they want. I had to teach my H this; it's not like he automatically knew this. Plus, my FIL talks down to my MIL all the time and I hate it, but I know that's where H learned it.

I also don't accept putdowns as "jokes." This is something else H had to learn and just grow out of, since his immaturity was a major part of my problems with him.

That sounds EXACTLY like my husband, including the FIL talking down to MIL, and the immaturity. So it is possible for them to learn and grow out of?

 

[MambaZee]

That sounds EXACTLY like my husband, including the FIL talking down to MIL, and the immaturity. So it is possible for them to learn and grow out of?

Yes, but it can take years. At least, it did with us. The thing is, I know H also hates the way his dad talks to his mom, so logic would suggest he wouldn't do it, but we do what we know, I guess.

With my H, he tends to befriend the village idiot, and that crap rubs off since he's so impressionable. That's why we had such major problems. Once everything blew up, he understood how much he had to lose. We've had much better communication lately and that's helped.

 

[greenpearl]

WELL SAID!!!!!! I LOVE ALL YOUR POINTS! WELL SAID!!!!! :smthumbup:


I had a boss who wasn't even born in my country, who could not speak my language talk down to me and show me disrespect in front of others. I promise myself I will never tolerate that again! I will tell my boss to treat me with the same respect I treat them and if they don't like me they can fire me but not to treat me with disrespect!!!

greenpearl I AM SO IMPRESSED BY YOUR POST!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP YOUR LIFE ORGANIZED? I WANT TO KNOW! AND HOW DO YOU KEEP YOURSELF SEXY? I AM REALLY IMPRESSED BY YOUR POST!!!!

I have a full time job and makes a somewhat decent salary. My husband has a full time job and his salary is more than mine. But this is not the point. We just make sure both of us know the responsibility to contribute and ease the other one's burden. And the most important thing is we don't over spend. Once I read a wise sentence from a wise man, he said that if you spend more money than you make, no matter how much money you make, you are poor; if you spend less money than you make, even though you don't make much money, you are still rich. Because you don't have financial problems. And there is another sentence which made me ponder for a long time, "buy what you need, not what you want." People now have a lot of desire and very often they buy a lot of things they don't need, but they want it, and the over spending habit puts them into financial difficulties. My husband and I have decided to live our life as simple as we can. And we have really come to appreciate our simple lifestyle, it is really relaxing and carefree. We are not worried about losing our jobs, because our finance is in a very good situation. And both of us are responsible people. I read that you do a job better than average people, you are sure to keep your job. And that's what we are striving for. We try to do a better job than average people, our bosses are happy with us.

Of course an organized life also includes home cooking and home cleaning. I am in the habit of doing it every day, so every thing is organized.

I eat healthy to keep my body sexy. Our fridge is full of fruit and vegetables. We don't snack on sweets. If I am hungry, I eat some fruit or some salad. My husband and I are both in nice shape even though I am 40 and he is 36. Our shape hasn't changed ever since we got married. Recently we have also started excising, like walking in the park or climbing stairs. We don't go to gyms, we excise in a traditional way. IT'S FREE.

 

[toomuchtotell]

Yes, but it can take years. At least, it did with us. The thing is, I know H also hates the way his dad talks to his mom, so logic would suggest he wouldn't do it, but we do what we know, I guess.

With my H, he tends to befriend the village idiot, and that crap rubs off since he's so impressionable. That's why we had such major problems. Once everything blew up, he understood how much he had to lose. We've had much better communication lately and that's helped.

My goodness, apparently my husband has a clone! Good to know things are better now for you.

 

[MambaZee]

My goodness, apparently my husband has a clone! Good to know things are better now for you.

I'm sorry! Trust me, it took a long while. We're in our early 40s now, and there are just some things I don't want to deal with anymore, you know? Telling him didn't work, I just pulled back emotionally and things really sucked for a long time without us even realizing how much they sucked. When things came to a head, I told him "the company you keep says a lot about you" and even he had to admit this pal of his was an immature idiot. They work together but don't hang out together any more. I hate to be the person to administer ultimatums, but I had to in this case, as in, no more drinking with this jerk because there were one too many incidents of too much alcohol + bad judgment.

I hope things work out for you. Change happens, not overnight, but it can eventually happen!

 

[mablenc]

I'm sorry but this

"I had a boss who wasn't even born in my country, who could not speak my language talk down to me "

Sounds very disrespectful. I and to say it, since we are talking about respect and how to get respect.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ManOhMan2013]

I'm sorry but this

"I had a boss who wasn't even born in my country, who could not speak my language talk down to me "

Sounds very disrespectful. I and to say it, since we are talking about respect and how to get respect.
Posted via Mobile Device

If you were in my shoes I think you would see it differently. Sorry.

 

[ManOhMan2013]

I have a full time job and makes a somewhat decent salary. My husband has a full time job and his salary is more than mine. But this is not the point. We just make sure both of us know the responsibility to contribute and ease the other one's burden. And the most important thing is we don't over spend. Once I read a wise sentence from a wise man, he said that if you spend more money than you make, no matter how much money you make, you are poor; if you spend less money than you make, even though you don't make much money, you are still rich. Because you don't have financial problems. And there is another sentence which made me ponder for a long time, "buy what you need, not what you want." People now have a lot of desire and very often they buy a lot of things they don't need, but they want it, and the over spending habit puts them into financial difficulties. My husband and I have decided to live our life as simple as we can. And we have really come to appreciate our simple lifestyle, it is really relaxing and carefree. We are not worried about losing our jobs, because our finance is in a very good situation. And both of us are responsible people. I read that you do a job better than average people, you are sure to keep your job. And that's what we are striving for. We try to do a better job than average people, our bosses are happy with us.

Of course an organized life also includes home cooking and home cleaning. I am in the habit of doing it every day, so every thing is organized.

I eat healthy to keep my body sexy. Our fridge is full of fruit and vegetables. We don't snack on sweets. If I am hungry, I eat some fruit or some salad. My husband and I are both in nice shape even though I am 40 and he is 36. Our shape hasn't changed ever since we got married. Recently we have also started excising, like walking in the park or climbing stairs. We don't go to gyms, we excise in a traditional way. IT'S FREE.

Awesome! Do you mind me asking what you and your husband do for a living? You don't have to tell me. If you do you can PM me. But no big deal.

 

[greenpearl]

Awesome! Do you mind me asking what you and your husband do for a living? You don't have to tell me. If you do you can PM me. But no big deal.

I am an old member on TAM. A lot of old folks know our jobs. We are both teachers! Cram school English teachers. We are middle class here in Taiwan, but we live below our means.

 

[mablenc]

If you were in my shoes I think you would see it differently. Sorry.

I understand how you felt, you were talked down to, I agree with everything you have said, it just comes of as insensitive and the topic is respect.

I will admit I can be overly passionate about these things as much as I try to resist.

 

[treyvion]

Respecting yourself does not mean you will gain the respect of those around you. You may NEVER gain the respect of people in some circles who may have labled you and always intend to use you for a doorstop.

However if you respect yourself, you will unentangle yourself from most unbiased and any positions which degrade your dignity.

Self-respect is key. Being honest and truthful to self is key. Being responsible to yourself is key.

 

[ManOhMan2013]

I am an old member on TAM. A lot of old folks know our jobs. We are both teachers! Cram school English teachers. We are middle class here in Taiwan, but we live below our means.

Okay... so you're a teacher. That's nice!

 

[Caribbean Man]

Respecting yourself does not mean you will gain the respect of those around you. You may NEVER gain the respect of people in some circles who may have labled you and always intend to use you for a doorstop.

However if you respect yourself, you will unentangle yourself from most unbiased and any positions which degrade your dignity.

Self-respect is key. Being honest and truthful to self is key. Being responsible to yourself is key.

:iagree: with everything posted here.

To me there are two aspects of self respect.
1) Holding yourself to a moral standard, being accountable to yourself for your actions.
If you are wrong , offer a genuine apology . Stop lying to yourself and others . Give credit where it is due . Irrespective of my personal biases ,I must treat others with the same treatment I want for myself.
All of this ca be summarized like this ;
" Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you."

2) Never accept disrespect from anybody.
People sometimes tend to treat you the way you allow them to.
Luckily for me ,I was never one to " run with the herd , "so to speak, so I don't compromise my self respect in order to be accepted in any group or by a person.
I will hang out with the group or person , the minute I sense something is wrong , I will speak out , try to reason ,or simply leave . I NEVER GROVEL OR BEG. Emotional blackmail or manipulation , especially sex or the idea of a sexual reward , doesn't work on me .
Reason and logic will always work.
This does not mean I don't have a warm , emotional side in me. But to get to it , you must first respect me.