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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
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*I posted this in the General section and realised I should have put it here- sorry*
So before i got married, i was very sexually active. My then fiance and I would have sex sometimes multiplle times a day, and prior to him I always had very sexually active relationships and I would be the lead initiator.
Sine getting married 2 years ago, my appetite has gone downhill severley. My husband would love to have sex every day or at least every second day but I would be happy with once or twice a week. Nothing has changed medically or physically (I have been checked for a mangnatude of things) but i am starting to find myself resenting my husbands advances more and more.
I can tell it bothers him and I wish I wasn't feeling this way. It's getting to the point where if he is feeling frisky and I am not, I get very angry at him. I will take care of him by hand or orally but the whole time i am thinking how much I want it over with, and how he better like it and hurry up and finish.
It's getting worse and worse. He is the best husband anyone could ask for, so it's not him that is making me feel this way.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me in the past (abuse etc) so it's not a dormant issue.
What should I do???
 

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Are you feeling less into him or less into sex? Do others(not a specific person) make you feel sexual? (Yes same questions in the General Relationship part)
 

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What has changed in your life from the time you were very sexually active and now (besides being married)?

Do you still desire sex, just not with your husband, or are you completely uninterested in sex?
 

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*I posted this in the General section and realised I should have put it here- sorry*
So before i got married, i was very sexually active. My then fiance and I would have sex sometimes multiplle times a day, and prior to him I always had very sexually active relationships and I would be the lead initiator.
Sine getting married 2 years ago, my appetite has gone downhill severley. My husband would love to have sex every day or at least every second day but I would be happy with once or twice a week. Nothing has changed medically or physically (I have been checked for a mangnatude of things) but i am starting to find myself resenting my husbands advances more and more.
I can tell it bothers him and I wish I wasn't feeling this way. It's getting to the point where if he is feeling frisky and I am not, I get very angry at him. I will take care of him by hand or orally but the whole time i am thinking how much I want it over with, and how he better like it and hurry up and finish.
It's getting worse and worse. He is the best husband anyone could ask for, so it's not him that is making me feel this way.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me in the past (abuse etc) so it's not a dormant issue.
What should I do???
Look at your drivers license, if the square for SEX says female, you are perfectly normal.....

It is a sad phenomenon but LOTS of women loose the hots for theit man as soon as the knot is tied. It is the difference between chasing, and catching....A sure thing is like shooting ducks on the water, you want the chase.....

Seems to be the same for a lot of guys too.

Try reading "The 5 Love Languages" WITH him. It will tell you why you feel the way you do, and how to fix it.....
 

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Sometimes the confidence and security of being married brings too much peace to your frame of mind.

Yes, the chase is exciting.
Yes, the doubting keeps you on your toes.
Yes, absence can make togetherness more stimulating.
Yes, routine is boring and women dig novelty.

How do you get it back?

Read erotica.
Imagine him with another woman.
Imagine him being seduced by a woman who would love to take him away from you just because she can.
Mix it up. Make a list of the places you haven't had sex yet? Have him make a list too.

You have to work at keeping the relationship exciting for the sexual life to also be exciting. And... So does he.
 

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*I posted this in the General section and realised I should have put it here- sorry*
So before i got married, i was very sexually active. My then fiance and I would have sex sometimes multiplle times a day, and prior to him I always had very sexually active relationships and I would be the lead initiator.
Sine getting married 2 years ago, my appetite has gone downhill severley. My husband would love to have sex every day or at least every second day but I would be happy with once or twice a week. Nothing has changed medically or physically (I have been checked for a mangnatude of things) but i am starting to find myself resenting my husbands advances more and more.
I can tell it bothers him and I wish I wasn't feeling this way. It's getting to the point where if he is feeling frisky and I am not, I get very angry at him. I will take care of him by hand or orally but the whole time i am thinking how much I want it over with, and how he better like it and hurry up and finish.
It's getting worse and worse. He is the best husband anyone could ask for, so it's not him that is making me feel this way.
Nothing bad has ever happened to me in the past (abuse etc) so it's not a dormant issue.
What should I do???
Mrs. Angel,

Well, if you keep on doing what you're doing now (resenting him for catering to his rightful needs), then that best husband in the world would one day do the rightful thing, that is, leaving you.

It's good that you're here in this forum, to broaden your knowledge.

I sure does hope that it's to broaden your knowledge and to find ways to become a better wife.

If you're here to find justification for your behavior, many of us won't be able to help you.

But if you're interested in becoming a better wife, why don't you read this article below? Maybe you'll pick up a thing or two.

Why (and How) Sex is Important to Men
 

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Look at your drivers license, if the square for SEX says female, you are perfectly normal.....

It is a sad phenomenon but LOTS of women loose the hots for theit man as soon as the knot is tied. It is the difference between chasing, and catching....A sure thing is like shooting ducks on the water, you want the chase.....

Seems to be the same for a lot of guys too.

Try reading "The 5 Love Languages" WITH him. It will tell you why you feel the way you do, and how to fix it.....
I think it's more the moving in together that does it, more than the marriage license. You know what they say about familiarity...

OP, has your husband stopped doing the kinds of things that he used to do with you before marriage? The fun or romantic or thoughtful things he did while dating? Do you spend quality time together, just the two of you, doing fun things? Do you go out together? Or has it all become a boring routine at home?

Are you overall happy with the marriage or do you have some issues that have started brewing between you?
 

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Angel, the guys you dated before your husband - would you have ever considered them "good husband material" or "some to treat you like a queen" or " would be a good guy to raise a family with"? Or were these previous guys generally more aloof, treated you OK at best and were generally "bad boys"?

He is the best husband anyone could ask for
Red Flag
 

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The linked article (above) is great - make sure to read it! I have also seen some research on the detrimental health effects (mental AND physical) for a man being in a situation that is misaligned sexually with his mate. This is psychology, this is biology, this is chemistry. Take these fundamentals into account when you're thinking about your situation.
 

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Of all the poisons you can bring into the bedroom, resentment is the deadliest. If you thought he was a good lover before marriage, what about him has changed? If the answer is nothing, the ball is in your court.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks everyone for the replys- and thanks JLb3 for the link, i will read it and pass it to him to read also.
He is very good, although can be moody at times (who isn't) but a wonderful lover and person. Never critzises meor takes me for granted.
Diwali- We have been together for almost 5 years in April.
I moved from Kerman to Bakersville CA to be with him and I used to be someone who was almost never at home, between social events and general get-togethers with friends. Since being here,it's too far to drive to see my social group during the week and i work weekends so I go 'back home' in my time off. But here, I have virtually no social life because he is somewhat of a loner and doesn't have many friends that live close by. I find that difficult, so that and the fact we dont get out anymore even for a meal is making me sad so that doesn't help my over-all mood.
Don't get me wrong, i still am outgoing and pretty up-beat most of the time.
Plan 9- I have never been with a 'bad boy' so to speak. a few LTR's and a hand full of ONS when I was single. Some were 'husband' material and I could see myself having children with the LTR's. But I am glad I waited to get married.
Maybe i thought he was more out-going when we were dating because I would bring him with me to a lot of friendly gatherings and include him. Now the mention of someone coming over gets him stressed out.
Maybe my perception changed and not him at all.
 

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Thanks everyone for the replys- and thanks JLb3 for the link, i will read it and pass it to him to read also.
He is very good, although can be moody at times (who isn't) but a wonderful lover and person. Never critzises meor takes me for granted.
Good luck! We wish you the very best! :smthumbup:
 

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You sound just like my wife. I'm going through the same thing.

Sit down for a minute. Think of your husband and how great he is. Now picture losing him.

If things dont change with you, he will probably never cheat on you if hes a great man. He will however probably end of resenting you and either divorce you or stay with you just for the kids sake.

People need to realize that the greatest threat to their marriage is not another woman/man. Its themselves. You are your own worst enemy. You say you have a fantastic and loving husband. Grow up and take care of him as he takes care of you. The chase is over, the games are over, the thrill of the hunt is over. Be a wife and see what a great catch you have and do what it takes to make him happy, the way he does for you.

I dont understand some people. I think people forget how great they have it and cant really know how horrible they are screwing themselves by treating a spouse like this.
 

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You sound just like my wife. I'm going through the same thing.

Sit down for a minute. Think of your husband and how great he is. Now picture losing him.

If things dont change with you, he will probably never cheat on you if hes a great man. He will however probably end of resenting you and either divorce you or stay with you just for the kids sake.

People need to realize that the greatest threat to their marriage is not another woman/man. Its themselves. You are your own worst enemy. You say you have a fantastic and loving husband. Grow up and take care of him as he takes care of you. The chase is over, the games are over, the thrill of the hunt is over. Be a wife and see what a great catch you have and do what it takes to make him happy, the way he does for you.

I dont understand some people. I think people forget how great they have it and cant really know how horrible they are screwing themselves by treating a spouse like this.
Some people need the thrill of the hunt to keep passion alive. Everyone is different.
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Angel Eyes, it is very good that you recognize that this is a problem so that you can work to fix it because it can threaten your marriage. I know it's all relative, but I think sex 2x/week is OK. just because it is less than what used to be, doesn't mean that it is inadequate. I guess your H is terribly unhappy and resentful because now it is 2x/ week but it's not like you're cutting him off.

I don't think giving BJ's or HJ's for pity sex is OK and the resentment your harbor will make you even more angry. Why do you get so angry at your H? Do you feel forced to do something you don't want to do? If your H was OK with sex 2x/week, would you still feel angry? Would you be interested in sex more? Would you enjoy it more if it was 2x/week?

Is he a good lover? Does make you feel good? Is it all about him and his needs? Does he give you the affection you want during sex? Has it become too routine? Is there anything you can think of that he can do to make sex better and more appealing? Do you communicate well, or at all, regarding sex? Maybe communication is the problem.
 

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Thanks everyone for the replys- and thanks JLb3 for the link, i will read it and pass it to him to read also.
He is very good, although can be moody at times (who isn't) but a wonderful lover and person. Never critzises meor takes me for granted.
Diwali- We have been together for almost 5 years in April.
I moved from Kerman to Bakersville CA to be with him and I used to be someone who was almost never at home, between social events and general get-togethers with friends. Since being here,it's too far to drive to see my social group during the week and i work weekends so I go 'back home' in my time off. But here, I have virtually no social life because he is somewhat of a loner and doesn't have many friends that live close by. I find that difficult, so that and the fact we dont get out anymore even for a meal is making me sad so that doesn't help my over-all mood.
Don't get me wrong, i still am outgoing and pretty up-beat most of the time.
Plan 9- I have never been with a 'bad boy' so to speak. a few LTR's and a hand full of ONS when I was single. Some were 'husband' material and I could see myself having children with the LTR's. But I am glad I waited to get married.
Maybe i thought he was more out-going when we were dating because I would bring him with me to a lot of friendly gatherings and include him. Now the mention of someone coming over gets him stressed out.
Maybe my perception changed and not him at all.
It sounds like you have no social outlet other than your husband. I can see how that would be difficult for a social person. And since your husband is not social at all, your world seems very limited to you. I can see how that would bring on the doldrums and even depression. And maybe some resentment, too.

Is there any way you can make some friends and create a social life for yourself? Do you have children? Maybe make friends with their parents and create a group your husband would be somewhat comfortable with?

Why does he get stressed out when someone comes to your house for a visit?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
It's been pretty tough on me since the move without my social outlet, and with him being a quiet guy with hardly any friends it's made it even more difficult. I have made a few friends here but no one that im really close to. We dont have kids yet so no parenting groups I can join in socially either. I work with a great bunch of people but most are in a much older age group than myself and we don't share same interests etc.
Like I said, he is a wonderful lover, friend and person in general. Our sex life has become 'routine' though, follows the same process every session.
I feel resentful because he wants it a lot more than I do, and i feel guilty that I don't want it as much the way I used to when his drive has remained the same. I don't know how to explain in really. Im not angry at him per se, more that I am angry at the fact that he wants it and i dont really care much for it anymore. Its like, every time he mentions he wants it (pretty much every day) it turns me off even more.
I would be happy with just once a week, with something to mix it up and do something different every now and then. Or just some spontaneity would be nice :rolleyes:
I dont know why he gets stressed out when we seldom do have visitors. When we go out to visit he is great, but when we have people over its a different story.
I dont want him to resent me because i turn him down, i want to fix this before it gets to me having no drive at all.
 
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