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So my fiance and I are scheduled to get married by the end of this year. She is really looking forward to it, I on the other hand am not. We have been together for a little over two years and have lived together for over a year in a half. I would like to postpone the wedding for at least a couple more years, for multiple reasons.

For one, we really have not been getting a long lately, and would rather have this relationship implode unmarried than married.

I know she is going to be mad about it, rightfully so, but my question is what kind of response should I get from her that would show she is an understanding person. I'm really just expecting her to blow up, cry, and emotionally manipulate me into getting married this year.
 

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I've never done it, but if you don't feel like your relationship is in a position to transition to get married, then don't do it. Don't get guilted in to it. But be prepared for her to end it then, too.

What are you doing to fix things? It's not going to magically get better without both of you actively trying to fix things.

C
 

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Aha! *This* would explain WHY you wanted to know if anyone had any OTHER advice when 30 posters told you to dump her.

1. See a therapist (1-2 sessions should do it).

2. Ask gf to accompany you to session #3 wherein you will tell her that you want to (a) break up permanently OR (b) postpone the wedding for several years.

3. Therapist will be there as your backup for when gf goes rabidly manipulative (crying, screeching, general hysteria) and tries to get you to reconsider.

4. Prepare for gf to pack up everything (in a VERY LOUD huff), move out, tell you you're a pr1ck who has wasted 2 years of HER life, she hates you, she will tell EVERYONE on Earth what a d1ck you are, she never wants to see/hear from you again, she wishes a serious social disease on you. After which, she will make a grand, DRAMATIC exit.

She's a manipulative drama-queen, do you REALLY think it will go down any other way? Seriously, if you can't stand up to her manipulation, then get some BACK-UP to help you man-up while you tell her the wedding is off.

You REALLY WILL feel better once it's over with.
 

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I know she is going to be mad about it, rightfully so, but my question is what kind of response should I get from her that would show she is an understanding person.
I think you are looking at this from the wrong angle. What you want is to set an unpleasant boundary and have her just go "oh okay I totally understand". Yeah if boundaries worked that well think how easy relationships would be. LOL

The way this works is you set the boundary "I'm not okay getting married until we learn how to get along" then stop talking. No timeline, no in so many years, nothing just state the boundary.

And this is where your power/control ends and hers begins. You've tossed the ball to her and now she gets to decide her own boundary. She could say "I'm not okay waiting so I'm out of here". She could say "okay lets work on our problems". Or she could rip you a new one and emotionally blackmail you into doing what she wants.

If she does the last one then she's NOT an understanding person and then you should RUN. Make sense?
 
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