You know......sounds like some sort of depression from the birth, you should really get checked out, but ahve a talk with the hubby about your problems and how you are feeling.
40lbs is a lot to gain, have you tried changing your eating habits and doing some sort of exercise?
I know it is tough with kids, but sometimes changing your diet and exercising helps reverse these conditions.
Best of luck
The repulsion may not be depression. It may be her body's way of protecting against another pregnancy.