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Im new here and just read that there is a coping with infidelity section so Im reposting here.

Gonna try to make this short. My husband had been "in love" (quote him) with his co-worker and having an affair with her for 5 years. He said he was in love with her and wanted a divorce so I told him fine and he moved out and they got their own place. After 2 days of being out of the house he started calling me in the middle of the night. I would ignore the call so he would text that he missed me. Id ignore it. He did this night and day for a couple weeks and I would ignore all attempts at contact hoping that starving him of contact would help him miss me and see what a mistake he was making. I stuck to my guns with that one.

About 2 weeks into his being gone he came over to pick the kids up and found texts on my phone between me and a guy I started seeing. Seeing this freaked him out and he insisted on moving back in and working things out right on the spot. He left his GF with no explanation and no goodbye. I told him I would give our family a chance but the first hint of a lie and he needs to go.

Its been a year and hes been on his best behavior doing everything Ive asked. I don't know if Im making a situation when there may not be one but I dont believe this is real. If he lied for 5 years why stop now? If he loved her for so long for 5 years, how did he just flip the switch and stop loving her. I don't believe any of it. He's very afraid of losing me and I can see that but Im still very skeptical about how good he's being and expecting something bad to happen since its been a roller coaster ride during those 5 years. I think I have some really valid concerns since I don't see it as normal for him to just get over her in a matter of minutes. Im hurt, and I want him to go where he really wants to be so I can move on and be happy. Im not going to force anyone to be with me but hes insisting its me he loves. Hmmm...
 

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SunnyBunny,

I can unerstand you being skeptical of his intentions longterm since his Affair was longterm.

You will have to trust him a little sooner or later.

Maybe you can ask him to put his money where his mouth is and ask him to sign a postnup in case he starts cheating again.

It can't hurt and maybe it will give you a little bit of extra security.

HM64
 

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Whats your question? What are you doing to make sure he is not cheating? Do you have all his passwords?
 

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I can relate I am in a similar situation but mine did not have a long term relationship he instead has been searching for one for years. Now he has had some life changing events and has re evaluated his past misdeeds and claims he just wants me. Let me tell you I am not taking it fast he has to earn any and all affections from me. Just take it slow dont just say oh yeah sure come on in and lets move on. He has to open up and you know what he has NO option for privacy or secrets. He has proven he cannot be trusted and you have to protect your children and yourself. Seek some outside help both of you. Also I would suggest he break it off with that other woman in front of you or on the phone with you on the line also. You need to know for sure its over and its your right to know and be assured. At least that is what I would make him do. If he could not do that then I would cut him loose quicker than he could blink an eye. Anyway good luck with whatever you decide. I am not a professional but it is just what I feel is what would ease my mind if I was you.
 
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