I am 4 years out, and seem to come back to this site every so often. To help others... and help myself.
I wrote this over a year ago. It just came to me in an instant. Its a long read, but a pretty good one. A recent post by someone else inspired me to repost this.
Seeking The We.
A We = a Me + a You.
At some point a Me may desire to be in a We.
Either because being in a We is wanted for what it is believed to be.
Or because suddenly a You appears and a We with that particular You is desired.
When a You appears all that is sound falls to the darkness. The You gleams with all light and the Me is drawn to it like a magnet. The Me becomes consumed with desire for the You and nothing else is as important.
When a hint of mutual desire is detected, the hunger for The We is even stronger.
The Me becomes a hunter for the possibility of a We with that You.
Hunting The We.
The process of hunting The We is thrilling. It is infatuation. It is lust. It is hunger. It is amazing. The Me receives enough confidence in capturing The You, that the joy of hunting is bigger than life itself. It is intoxicating.
Even more incredible is the feeling of The You mutually hunting The Me. Feeling like prey. Feeling the thrill of the desire. To hunt and to be prey at the same time. It is dizzying. It is lust. It is amazing.
Surrendering to The We.
The moment that both The Me and The You surrender to the hunt of the other The We is formed. The Me and The You become a We. Euphoria. All of a sudden it is impossible for The Me to imagine life without The You. The You has intertwined itself with The Me and they are both forever changed. The We is powerful, and glowing. Euphoria.
Being in The We.
The We is hugged on all sides by a soft floating bubble. Enclosing The We with a protective shell from The Others. Inside the bubble there is no gravity. The We comfortably floats – like in a womb. The We floats in touch, and trust, and love, and joy, and serenity. The glow of The Me lightens The You. The glow of The You lightens The Me. It is beautiful. The We is different from anyone else’s We. It is unique and it is wonderful.
Maintaining The We.
Thankfully the bubble that surrounds The We is strong.
Over time, inevitably there are Others who test the strength of the bubble and the safety and serenity of The We is threatened.
Others can be needs, like fear of money, work demands, the demands children, an aging parent…
The need for The We to deal with the Others – yet maintain the strength of the bubble of The We becomes difficult.
Spots within the surface of the bubble start to weaken. The We seeks to repair the spots. They can be repaired. But as time goes on, the Spots may appear in different parts of the surface at the same time. The We may divide and counquer The Spots. It is harder work to repair a Spot alone. And maybe The Me has to repair on the other side of the bubble, separating from The You. And it is hard. And sometimes The Me might say “It’s a hard time, but we’ll get there, and we’ll get rid of these Spots if we keep trying.” But at the same time The You may feel The Me is becoming too focused on dividing and conquering the Spots.
Rupturing The We.
Perhaps, while working to maintain the bubble it is hard. And the euphoria once felt when there were not Spots, is a distant memory. Perhaps The You says “We can’t get back there again.” And perhaps while The Me is on one side of the bubble, The You looks through the bubble and sees a glimmer. A glimmer of Euphoria – with no Spots in sight. A feeling once in hand, thought lost forever, and is it perhaps right there on the other side of the bubble?
Now the bubble can be ruptured by force. The death of The Me or The You. The death of a child. A life-changing illness. There are Spots that simply can not be fixed and deepen so much that the bubble of The We may rupture.
But a bubble can also be ruptured by choice. By the choice of The Me or The You to not work to repair a Spot. Or even worse to puncture the bubble to seek the mirage or the image that is outside the bubble in search of Euphoria elsewhere.
Inside the bubble there is no gravity. The You and The Me are floating together weightless. The moment the bubble bursts… gravity. The You who chose to puncture the bubble to get to the other side isn’t floating. The struggle of being The You alone is realized. Perhaps making the need, the hunger for the Other perhaps even more desperate.
The Me, the one left inside the bubble, completely unsuspecting the sudden impact of gravity… free falling. No net. No softness. Shock. A fast and bumpy and breath-taking fall.
While The Me is falling and in shock and in disarray, The You may magically be catapulted into the hunt – perhaps the mutual hunt leading to a new We bubble with the Other. The You refers to the Other as We. The You and the Other may form a new We.
Or quite simply, perhaps The You realizes without that Other, that The We shared with The Me is no longer wanted. Just not meant to be. Maybe The You only ‘worked’ in the bubble as part of a pattern, not a pure desire to be there. Perhaps the work to maintain the bubble is not balanced by the joy of being in that We. Perhaps that We is meant to be no more.
Seeking The We Again.
But maybe The You does feel the affects of gravity. Perhaps The You regrets making the choice to rupture the bubble. Perhaps The You wants That bubble back.
That We back.
That bubble is gone. It has ruptured. It will never never never exist again.
That We has died. It will never never be again. It was made of a Me and a You that were different people before. People who did not yet experience the loss of their We.
Can a new We exist between that Me and that You? It is not certain. It is perhaps far less certain than while in the first hunt where a balanced and mutual desire and hunger were felt.
It is up to The You to pursue the hunt. But it is a different hunt.
Perhaps there is a hunt. This time it is The You’s hunt for what was. This time it is The Me’s hunt for… something. Surely not the past filled with distrust and freefall. Perhaps The Me is simply in shock, walking in a path which happens to be in the footprint of a hunter. It is different this time.
The You who broke the bubble has not experienced the loss of trust that The Me did, and in the desire to get that bubble back, The We may be more easily envisioned as the goal to be achieved.
The Me has lost the trust in The You. The Me fears the freefall. The Me can not allow a clear vision of The We to be re-established. And perhaps The Me, has been through this before with The You. Perhaps The You promised. Perhaps The Me took the chance before to believe in the honest desire of The You to rebuild. Perhaps The Me thought the Spots had been repaired, only to find out they had not. The lack of trust, the fear of the freefall. That was not there during the first hunt.
The Me may simply not be able to trust a We again. There might be a reconnection of The Me and The You. Perhaps for others, for children, for ego, for… one does not know.
But for it to progress deeply to The We – to the euphoria - might be impossible.
Unfortunately it truly relies on the effort of The You who ruptured the bubble, to create a new strong bubble… IF The You decides it is worth it. If The You keeps up the hunt, and works everyday to repair and strengthen the trust… perhaps. Perhaps today, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in ten years there will again be a We. But that bubble will be a different bubble. Much different bubble. And that We will be a different We.
It is a difficult road, and difficult hunt, and in the process many might fail. To rebuild on a troubled foundation may not prevail.
Respecting The We.
The We is a sacred entity. Its like a god-spirit that embodies only The Me and The You when we are a We. Some live life never experiencing The We. Some have it, then lose it, then never see it again.
Those lucky enough, strong enough to rebuild a new We after their We bubble is ruptured can live in the Euphoria again. But The We must always be respected.
Perhaps when Spots appear on the bubble… perhaps it is best not to divide and conquer. Perhaps the Spots that are destine to come again by life, and the Others who WILL appear through the bubble’s shell… perhaps those Spots should be repaired together, side by side. Without dividing and conquering. With openness, with togetherness, and with an everyday ritual of thankfulness and respect for The We.