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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am not sure, but being a very "non-religious" person more of a Deist then any formal religion.

I find on alot of Marriage forums, including this one, Religion is a big "road Block" for many relationships on various levels.

I am almost dumb founded that this is such a big problem to get over.

I've studied many religions, grew up catholic, studied, jeudism, Muslim, various christian branches (methodist, lutheran, baptist) bhudahism (sp?) All have the basic core and the basic set up of fear to control their members, the more I studied, the more I realized they were basically the same "core principles" that make people "fearful" of GOD.

Many religions, especially the christian including catholics, were developed to bring order/law to the "Pagan" world where orgies existed and such. Take for Instance, Halloween and easter come from pagan holidays, even Christmas was (Jesus Christ was born in the spring) but this was really teh catholic church morphing these holidays into their religion to basically take them over.....I'll move on.

But I am shocked by how religion to this day controls people's lives and influences some major decisions.

I married my wife in a catholic church, becuase it meant something to her, I married her because I loved her. I've dated Jews, catholics, muslims, they all kissed the same, no one was different.

While I think religion is good for many people, it provides a solid foundation to live by, IE ten Commandments, but also have found it intrusive to affect peoples lives negatively.

not sure where I am going with my rant, but I just can not understand why people allow "others" to control their lives on very serious issues.

Such as not marrying someone they love dearly becuase they ahve a different faith, or a family not talking to someone becuase they married for the RIGHT reasons and not becuase they are the same religious.

now I live in georgia home of the Bible belt, I been told plenty of times I am going to hell because I am not a southern baptist. I find that view very narrow and ignorant, especially coming from NJ where we had more shades of color per person and every religion in a few miles radius, that you learned to respect others, for who they are, not what they are.

So what happens when we die, there is nothing? we just die, no heaven, no heall, just nothing...gone...dust.

I dunno, I find the world is sad when we kill over religious reasons or refuse to talk to someone or look down upon them becuase they do not go to your church or follow your religion.

just a rant...just a average guy, with a average wife and three kids.
 

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Let's see I grew up catholic, switch to mormon, became a pagan, studied buddhism, and married a jew. I can say that I tolerate most religions well, as long as they don't hurt someone else. I do not believe that we should kill or judge in the name of any religion and I am happy to convert to judaism for my hubby. Do I think that I will go to hell for not recognizing Jesus Christ as my personal savoir? No. or I wouldn't be willing to convert. Do I feel that there is only one correct religion and we have to find it or end up in hell-No. But that is just me. Do I look down at athiest, agnositics, monotheistic or polytheistic people. No. As I said to each his own, as long as you are not harming anyone. I try to live by the 10 commandments and that is kind of me in nutshell.

I find that alot of problems can stem from religion but I can understand how important it is for people to follow it. I can respect how people want to "Save me" only because these people care for my soul. I would not put myself in a relationship where someone's religion would not tolerate me unless I change. I think that is a very important decision to make when you are marrying someone because it can lead to problems later. ANd if you change your religious belief mid-relationship it could cause the same problem as if you decided to tell your partner that "I think I am a lesbian now". Or if you didn't want kids and now you want them. It is when you change from what you were together. That is where the problems come from.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Both Excellent replies to my initial posts.

Agreed Drac, that religion can help someone get out of a bad situation in life, IE drugs, Alchohol, other abusive issues and lead them to a better more productive life. i also agree that there is more positive with it then negative.

Unfortuantely the negative makes the news, while the positive is a normal everyday occurance.

And happily, what a whirlwind of self discovery, kudos to being intelligent and open minded to accept what the world has brought you. By altering your religion to fit your life and not altering your life to fit your religion shows me you are smarter then the average person. So mucho props.

I onced asked a co-worker for this scenerio....

Person A was a good father, A great husband, never stole anything never hurt a sould, did everything right by society, but he did not go to church or beleive in any religion.

Person B was a bad man, he killed 2 people, raped 3 women, stole money for his drug problem. But 1 week before he was scheduled to be executed by the state, he decided he had "found Jesus and wanted to change his ways"

I asked so they both die the same day, who goes to Hell who goes to heaven. She replied. Person B goes to Heaven, Person A goes to hell.

I asked why, she said because Person B found Jesus, Person A did not.

It's opinions like this that DRIVE ME NUTS, so i said to her, so I can do what ever I want and as long as I find "jesus" before I die, I am ok? She said Yes....I said, hmmmmm I really don't think GOD would view it that way.

That is the stuff that DRIVES me Bonkers. That is any religion and that is any fanatic from it.

Ok the safety dance is on, I must go groove to the music instead of ranting! (off soap box, now grooving to the beat)
 

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I use to write a religious e-zine which included the simularities of Christianity, Muslim, Jewish, Buddism, Wicca and other religions. So I have done quite a bit of personal research myself.

Most people refer to John 3:18, 36

18: He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already 36: He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

However they ignore, John 5:29

And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

So both men might be saved. However, it is only if man B has truly repented that he would be saved.

draconis
 

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Most people refer to John 3:18, 36

18: He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already 36: He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

However they ignore, John 5:29

And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.

draconis
Yay--Kudos to you Draconis. I knew it was in the bible somewhere :):smthumbup:
 

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Believing the bible and that God exist automatically leads to your life being lived in a particular way. Among other thing the ten commandments which I see governing the world. Thou shall not kill, steal etc. It doesn't matter which religion or not, most of those things are fundamental in any society. Believing in the bible should cause you to love your neighbours whether or not they are good to you, help those in need etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I disagree witht hat lisa, that may work for you, but it surely has not worked for others.

there is enough bad priests, pastors, and "church going folk" that have ruined that for me personally.

I find to many bad people hide behind "faith" and prey on gualable people for their money.

I agree religion can be a wonderful thing and it is a very personable matter, and that the good far out weigh the bad, but I can not use a broad stroke saying if you believe the bible you will be good, to many people have proven otherwise. Plus history has cleary demonstrated that people have used the bible for the wrong purpose. Take the KKK for example...they used the bible but they were pure evil.
 

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Religion is and should be a personal thing between you and your God. I remember the days I worked for the trucking industry and I first got to know "True Christaian" it was a religion started by truck drivers but for anyone. There belief was simple.

Church is when two or more people sat down to talk about God, Jesus and the bible. They stressed how to live your life better for yourself and humanity through the best teachings of the bible. I was impressed at the fact they knew the bible so well inside and out.

In the end though people are people. Many go through the motions of religion. Many abuse it for power and money. On the whole I have seen so many people have there lives changed for the better. But with all good things there are bad apples.

Take AA a wonderful organization helping people. Most there are good people trying to be better people. You have those that do it just because they have to for court or to make others think they kicked the habit to keep around loved ones. But on the whole they are humbled people, making themselves better people.

I look at my mother and see all the wonderfulness in her. She is very devout and because of her faith she is a very good person giving much of her free time to help other in need.

How many churches give away free food here and abroad? How many give people hope? How many times have you heard a criminal see the light after going to jail and finding religion?

Every where you go you will find phonies and frauds from every walk of life and every part of society but they never speak for everyone. As long as there is religion some will be improved by it others will abuse it.

draconis
 

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GAsoccerman, I grew up in Georgia in the bible belt constanly fearing doing wrong and that if I did the wrath of God would come down on me. I went to a christian high school and spent many of me early years in the church really out of fear more than anything else. I ended up forgetting about church and God altogether for the past 10 years or so. I was given a book called The Shack by William Young about a month ago and the fact that it was an interesting story got me to read it, but after seeing his perspective on God it really changed my whole outlook on religion. Basically the moral of the story is that bad things in our lives are ultimatel put there by our own actions and the actions of others and that it is God's will for us to trust in Him and have a relationshipwith Him to get His support and and that will help us make it throughthe bad times. If you are interested you should give it a look.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
So you are saying your book is like the poem, "footprints"

I am glad you found some clarity in your life, but as you said, people use religion to put fear into others and control their actions.

As I explain to my son, EVERYTHING is a choice, either a good choice or a bad choice, think before you act. Try to visualize what will happen with your choice, what will be the outcome.

Some things are a leap of faith....but to me that leap of faith is with in your own confidence., I control my life by my actions and my choices.
 

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We all try to do the best you can in life. Sometimes, even trying to do the best you can with the choices you have made, you don't get the outcome you wish you had, this when you ask God for help.
 

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I am not sure, but being a very "non-religious" person more of a Deist then any formal religion.

I find on alot of Marriage forums, including this one, Religion is a big "road Block" for many relationships on various levels.

I am almost dumb founded that this is such a big problem to get over.
GAsoccerman, speaking as a Christian single man who is dating, I'd like to offer this point of view. As a believer, I have a worldview that is remarkably different than non-believers. My faith drives my life, God is not only very real to me, but active in my life and decision-making. For me to become married to a non-believer would be a complete disaster -- the disconnects would be huge and the marriage would almost certainly falter. What happens when I want to tithe 10 percent of my income to the church and my wife tells me I'm a fool giving away his money? What happens when I donate time and effort to help support Christian activities and my wife accuses me of not spending enough time with her? What happens when I try to take my kids to church and my wife objects? Religious beliefs ARE a big deal. Especially for Christians.

I hope this helped!
 

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Oh wow, what an interesting subject for me!! I'm currently in some state of transition. First off, let me just say that I drive a school van and take the kids to christian schools. Last year I had four girls, all under 9 years old. It was AMAZING to see how much weight they put into their religion, and how scripted their thoughts are. This year I have two christian schools, three kids under 9 and one that is 16. Again, I'm just blown away listening to them chatter. The 16 yo will explain what she's been taught to me, in a very nonjudgemental way. I'm actually amazed that the Brethern church that I take the 16 year old to seems to have nicer people than the baptist church I take the other kids to. I'm floored that the people parading into that church look so humdrum and are so snotty!! Are they not supposed to be spreading all the good they are taught? It's like pulling teeth to get them to smile at me!!!

Like I said to one of the husbands on this forum who just kept going on and on about how his wife is leaving him and he's been doing all that he can to save her... everyone makes him out to be such a great guy, etc. What I want to know is her side of the story. We can't judge a single thing about their life and why she's leaving him until we hear her side. Same goes for the bible. Who wrote this thing? I mean were there not two sides, one side won, and they were the ones to write the book? So what is it that we're not hearing from the other side? Of course the side that won is going to want you to hear their story from their point of view! None of it is objective, it's all biased. So that's what you "know" and worship. Furthermore, how much got lost in translation? No one can answer these questions, yet they put all their faith and build their lives around it. Seems kind of shaky to me.

Next... when I was planning my wedding, I called some churches in my town to get married in. The final church that I called (because after that I was DONE), I crap you not, this is the actual conversation, word for word:
me: Hi, I'm calling about using your church to get married in.
church: are you a member here?
me: no
church: then why are you calling?

I still can't believe it.

My husband was raised brethern. What I have seen come out of that family is enough to turn my stomach from religion forevermore. I know of deep dark family secrets that would be shameful to even put on this forum. I have seen first hand things that I should not have physically seen. I have been treated like an outcast in that family for as long as I have known them. And the gossip... it runs their lives!!! Is this any way for any religious person to treat another? Absolutely not. I'm just appalled.

Last year at christmas I went to one of my schools that I take kids to, to hear their concert. At the end of the concert, the pastor got up and did his schpiel. Well, he went and ruined a nice peaceful evening, for me at least. He started out with three totally judgemental stories from his past week or so. The first one he complained because at a four way stop someone didn't wait their turn. The second one he complained because someone parked in a handicapped spot at walmart and was not handicapped. And I forget what the third story was. The way he came across was so judgemental. Yet everyone in that congregation just sat back and took him all in and never questioned his tone. He lost me immediately. What did he know about these people that he was so quick to judge? Maybe the person who didn't wait their turn at the four way was on their way to the hospital b/c their wife was in labor? Maybe the person at walmart was picking up their handicapped grandmother? I don't know, but I just know I was offended immediately at his tone and judgement. I didn't think this was very appropriate for someone leading a group of people.

Next, as I said, I'm currently in a state of transition. I don't have strong roots where I came from, which is christian science (NOT to be confused with scientology). A lot of judgement there, too, not to mention, things that just don't make sense to me. I don't know where I'm going yet either. Since the marriage issue above, I have been to church a total of three times in the past nine years, and all three times I have gone through an anxiety attack to just get in the car to get there. I question whether there really is a god or not. I don't konw, no one knows. Does it make a difference whether I pray every day and ask god for this or that? No... things still happen, good and bad. I've talked to a few agnostics/athiests and gotten their points of view. They sure seem more realistic to me. What I am just beginning to think about is the comfort we get from attending church, regardless of the teachings. It's a place of peace and quiet. If you show up to a church, chances are, you're going to appear as a believer to them and they're going to try to accept you. They'll be nice and cheerful and warm. I know that feels good... to be accepted. I do miss the calm of a church service, but just don't agree with what's being preached.

As children some of us believed in Santa and the Easter Bunny, etc. It was fun. It was a place to put all our hopes and aspirations for that holiday. It was about being good so we get good in return. It gave us hope. I think the whole religion thing is basically the same concept, just on a more complex adult level. It gives people a place to unload all their fears and hopes. If we're not good, we don't get good when we die. I've been going through my own hard times lately and though I don't believe in any religion, don't pray, and certainly dont' attend any church, I'm understanding why people turn to religion... it seems like a rock to stand on when the **** gets deep. It's a family to be there for you when all else fails. It's a place to unload all your burdens. I'm not turning to religion, I'm just going through some tough stuff right now and understanding how some people would be tempted by it.

When I had some contact with an athiest that I found on craigslist because he was giving away his bibles because they didn't work (hehe), I explained myself to him and my views. He told me I sound like a humanist rather than anything else. I'm not out to hurt anyone. Just because I question religion and god doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I don't want to hurt people, and I try to help people as much as I can... let the guy with one item go ahead of me with the full cart at the checkout at the grocery store, wave when someone lets me get out ahead of them while driving, try to avoid gossip, smile!, and I try to have a happy positive attitude because I believe that's what it's all about. Don't they all go to church to feel good? Isn't that what being happy and smiling do for us?

So if you've made it this far, thanks for listening to my rants. I've seen a lot of crap come out of people who put on this big act that they're so religious. We're all human. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them. Some of us just learn differently than others. We're all on this path of life together, we're just all travelling in different vehicles along the way.

=)
 

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Brethern is a religion... like Mennonite, the women wear "coverings" on their heads and dresses all the time. Some denominations are strict and drive only black cars with black wheels and black bumpers and black grills and all that jazz. They're very gossipy b/c they aren't supposed to have TV's. No jewelry. Kind of reminds me of Amish, but not that strict.
 
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