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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay so my husband started this new job these past two days he hasn’t put time for us to talk only at night for like 10 min or less because he was getting everything organized where he is staying
So today he had time but he decided to go bbq with the guys I haven’t really talk to him just a 5 min call and it’s already going to be 10 am should I be okay and talk to him like I am not bothered which he knows I am or should I ignore him since he isn’t putting time for us to talk say something like going to bed already . Because I feel like I shouldn’t be left till the end at night when he wants . What do you all think??
 

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should I be okay and talk to him like I am not bothered which he knows I am or should I ignore him
No and no.

You should talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, without making him feel attacked. Pretending everything is fine will solve nothing. Ignoring him is incredibly immature and also won't solve anything.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
No and no.

You should talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, without making him feel attacked. Pretending everything is fine will solve nothing. Ignoring him is incredibly immature and also won't solve anything.
I did already I told him how I felt and he promised he would put in the time today and he didn’t
He just messaged me right now and said sorry
he will make time tomorrow
 

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Your first sentence is over a hundred words long (about 110 words give or take). I'm betting any advice you get would be better if you attended to punctuation and paragraphs.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Your first sentence is over a hundred words long (about 110 words give or take). I'm betting any advice you get would be better if you attended to punctuation and paragraphs.
Okay and ? I am just venting smh
 

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First rule of marriage is you talk to your spouse. If you are unhappy tell him, that is a requirement to be a good spouse. Nothing you said is unreasonable.
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
First rule of marriage is you talk to your spouse. If you are unhappy tell him, that is a requirement to be a good spouse. Nothing you said is unreasonable.
I asked him so you can’t make time for your relationship and work and he said idk
And I said wdym you don’t know and he said I don’t have a response to that
Like wtf I been there’s since day one I am soooo understanding and patient when it comes to his job and he tells me that .
 

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Are you saying that this behavior is new and only has happened for the last 2 days, or is this a behavior that's been going on before he started his new job?
 

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No and no.

You should talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, without making him feel attacked. Pretending everything is fine will solve nothing. Ignoring him is incredibly immature and also won't solve anything.
Yep.

Is your husband working away or coming home at night? Hard to tell from your post. Either way, in this situation I would say to my husband "I need you to make some time for us each night, I'm feeling disconnected and I don't like it". If the next night came and he did the same old thing I would say "Lastnight you said you were going to make time for us each night, and tonight you haven't, why?". If he continued I would make my own plans and if he called I would answer and say "I can't talk now, I have plans, try me tomorrow".

Of course, the above would only apply if it were an ongoing scenario. If he'd started a new job two days prior I'd give him some grace, because it's stressful.
 

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I'm a bit confused. Are you upset that he isn't calling you during the day to talk? Or after he comes home? Or is he working out of town so isn't home?

Here's my short answer...new job means he is very distracted because he wants to make a good impression in those first few days. Don't be needy, be supportive, give him a week to get acclimated, hopefully things will return to normal.
 

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I asked him so you can’t make time for your relationship and work and he said idk
And I said wdym you don’t know and he said I don’t have a response to that
Like wtf I been there’s since day one I am soooo understanding and patient when it comes to his job and he tells me that .
It sounds like your communication could really use some work. Making him feel attacked won't help you.

Look up "I feel" statements.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm a bit confused. Are you upset that he isn't calling you during the day to talk? Or after he comes home? Or is he working out of town so isn't home?

Here's my short answer...new job means he is very distracted because he wants to make a good impression in those first few days. Don't be needy, be supportive, give him a week to get acclimated, hopefully things will return to normal.
I really needed to hear this one . He works away from home, and I do need to be a little more supportive in the sense that he does need to make a good impression and adjust himself there . It just really sucks I don’t speak to him during work 7am - 5pm I don’t see him and than he has been busy after work these past days . I know not all the time we will be able to talk after work but there will be other days and if it continues to be the same I guess that’s where it becomes a problem .
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Yep.

Is your husband working away or coming home at night? Hard to tell from your post. Either way, in this situation I would say to my husband "I need you to make some time for us each night, I'm feeling disconnected and I don't like it". If the next night came and he did the same old thing I would say "Lastnight you said you were going to make time for us each night, and tonight you haven't, why?". If he continued I would make my own plans and if he called I would answer and say "I can't talk now, I have plans, try me tomorrow".

Of course, the above would only apply if it were an ongoing scenario. If he'd started a new job two days prior I'd give him some grace, because it's stressful.
Away from home , i think I am going to do that but give it time i should be a little more understanding in the sense he is adjusting new job position has to make a good impression but if it continues I thinks that where the problem is . We talked about it and I did apologize and he apologized to there will be more days where we can talk vs days he can’t . I hope so will just see how it turns out thank you
 

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I had this problem when I was away with the military.
He should be happy that he has a wife who cares.

That said, don't smother him.
He is an adult, and he does not need a mother, he needs a supporting wife.

Yes, some men and women, once they get away from home, become a different person.

And, some men and women are independent and do not need constant assurances from their significant other.

Your man may be the independent type. You are not.
That makes him less compatible for you.

If he has a cell phone and it is within range of some tower, then he should text you, at minimum.
I did not have that luxury!



Good luck-
 
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Away from home , i think I am going to do that but give it time i should be a little more understanding in the sense he is adjusting new job position has to make a good impression but if it continues I thinks that where the problem is . We talked about it and I did apologize and he apologized to there will be more days where we can talk vs days he can’t . I hope so will just see how it turns out thank you
That makes sense. He's started a new job and is trying to make a good impression and get along with his colleagues after hours, it's all new to him. Give him some grace.

Once he's found his feet, and he will, this will all change and you two will find a routine.
 
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