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September 13, 2012 Déjà


I think that relationships plays a huge part in life. I hope that this post will somehow do some good in those areas.


I got to know Déjà when she was my son’s girlfriend. My son helped her raise her little girl Rachael for a few years. Déjà always d said that my son was the best thing that ever happened to Rachael.

A relationship that is based on drugs, alcohol and a gross disregard for that which is right will never last. Several years ago Déjà and my son went their separate ways. Déjà had many other boyfriends and had two more children and one died before he was 1 year old of infant death syndrome and another one a month for being born.

I would see Déjà from time to time and she would call or bring Rachael by to see us. I e was called Tata by Déjà and Rachael. They would come every year for Halloween and trick or treat.

Déjà was in several rehabs programs but never seem to get her life in order I went to see Deja when she was in rehab for the second or third time. I told the Rehab Director that Déjà seemed so much better but he told me that she was boy crazy and that would be a struggle. Déjà was always looking for a man to fill the emptiness she had.

Her lifestyle kept causing all kinds of trouble and s her fairer is raising her children her boy/friend husband is in prison.

Below is a reprint of Déjà last words on Facebook less than 24 hours ago. The second reprint is Deja’s mother’s post.

September13, 2012

https://www.facebook.com/Chaseyn1https://www.facebook.com/Chaseyn1
Deja Nash
HAVEN'T BEEN DOING SO WELL FOR A WHILE NOW AND I FEEL I CAN'T GO ON.. SO IF PLAINS GO THRO EVERYTHING GOES TO MY MOM ANNETTE WHITE AND SHE'LL KNOW WAT TO DO WITH MY THINGZ. MOM I LOVE U NEVER FORGET THAT...AND PATRICK AND ALL OF MY GIRLZ ARE MY LIFE SO SORRY BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT WITHOUT U GUYZ... TAMMY IN SORRY IM NOT THE PERSON U WANT ME TO BE...
• • 23 hours ago via mobile




Annette Roman White
Hi everyone.. I have Bad news. My only child "Deja Jones" died last night around 12:30am. She was 28 years old, Beautiful, and the mother of 4 beautiful children... Rachel, Mia, Kayden and Chaysen. I love her sooo very much and my heart hurts for her so much. Deja joined her 2 son's Kayden & Chaysen, and her nana Genice in Heaven. She left behind her mother & father Annette & Ruben, Her 2 daughter's Rachel & Mia. Aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family and some very close family members, Please Keep us all in your prayers please!!!




This is very disheartening and depressing as I remember Déjà as a bubbly teenage girl with all her dreams. Yes she was boy crazy but that is not bad.

I cannot imagine what it is like to have your 28 year old child so depressed with life that she commits suicide.

I realize more now how precious life is and how someone’s bad choices in life does not take away from the fact that this girl was a perky, warm, and dreamy girl that wanted love and human relations to fill her heart.

It is beyond sad that a young life was so tormented that it chose death at age 28.

I hope that something good comes out of this, maybe someone can learn something but at the moment I cannot think of anything.

Life can result in such deep despair. I do not like to be a downer but thought that positing this may help me or someone else. I can’t image how but they say talking about such things can give some relief.
 

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Iam very depreesed wife
I love my husband but he is far away from 9 months
I wanna die
We have alot of problems
I guess i have the biggest problem in the world
 

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What a sad story Mr. Blunt & you were a good friend to Deja.

It sounds like she had a possible untreated mental illness (bipolar with its high suicide rate) comes to mind that she was possibly self-medicating with drugs, alcohol & men.

Thank you for sharing.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Alone Wife
Iam very depreesed wife
I love my husband but he is far away from 9 months
I wanna die
We have alot of problems
I guess i have the biggest problem in the world

Alone Wife

9 months seems like a very long time but he will be back. Problems can hurt but they can be solved.

You have hope and you have life; Deja has neither.

Stick around, talk to us; we are in this world together so let’s make the best of it.
 

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Very sad story. My heart goes out to the family.

It reminds us that as hard as we "think" we have it, some people have issues that cannot be controlled on their own.

A lot of people just assume that people self destruct their lives selfishly and "on purpose".
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Emerald
What a sad story Mr. Blunt & you were a good friend to Déjà.

It sounds like she had a possible untreated mental illness (bipolar with its high suicide rate) comes to mind that she was possibly self-medicating with drugs, alcohol & men.

Thank you for sharing.


Emerald, Thank you for responding.

Yes she was bipolar.
She was raised in a fractured home that did not do a good job with nurturing her in mind, body, and spirit. She was desperate for love and was boy crazy. She bought into the destructive part of today’s youth culture and made some very bad self willed choices.
She was uneducated (8th grade education) and had no spiritual training.

These facts seem to put her at a disadvantage when she was so young. Of course she had free will choice when she got older but was unable to make the right choices.

I a not trying to remove all responsibility from Déjà but RELATIONSHIPS MATTER and that is what she wanted most and what she did not get. Without some loving relationships she thought that life was not worth living.

This forum is about relationships so I hope that this post will remind people of how important nurturing, warm, and caring relationships are. Déjà had none and she decided that she could not go on so she took her own life.
 

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I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Mr. Blunt. I agree that relationships matter tremendously. It doesn't have to be a romantic one. Reaching out to someone can make all the difference when they're not at their best. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves from the harmful effects they can bring into our lives, but if we can do that and let them know someone cares, it can make a difference. It sounds like you and your son helped her carry on many times in the past. It's unfortunate that she didn't feel she could reach out to you this time, because I believe that would have made a difference.

Hugs to you and your boy.
 

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So sorry Mr Blunt....that is a hard one to take.....as I was not there with my family yesterday to lay my grandmother to rest....it hurt me so badly.....but when you hear a horrible story like this I guess my hurt is not that bad.....I hope she can find peace now....and I hope you are ok......
 

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Discussion Starter #10
By Numb In Ohio
Very sad story. My heart goes out to the family.

It reminds us that as hard as we "think" we have it, some people have issues that cannot be controlled on their own.

A lot of people just assume that people self destruct their lives selfishly and "on purpose".





I agree 100%!

Both points are very good

It can put things in perspective when we think that we have it so bad that it is worse for us than others.

Yes sometimes people have issues that they can not control on their own. Sometimes it does not matter if they caused it or not you just want to help them get back up.

I hope your post helps somebody as I want something good to come out of this tradgedy
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
By Kathy
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Mr. Blunt. I agree that relationships matter tremendously. It doesn't have to be a romantic one. Reaching out to someone can make all the difference when they're not at their best. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves from the harmful effects they can bring into our lives, but if we can do that and let them know someone cares, it can make a difference. It sounds like you and your son helped her carry on many times in the past. It's unfortunate that she didn't feel she could reach out to you this time, because I believe that would have made a difference.Hugs to you and your boy.


Thank you Kathy for a very insightful post!

The part in bold in your post above haunts me a bit. I know that I have no guilt in this tragedy but if I knew she was in that frame of mind and I was with her I do believe that I could have prevented her from killing herself.

Thank you Kathy for your supporting post.
 

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I dont really know what to say... all of us has our limits... I agree with you.

If I lose my wife and daughter, I will no longer any reason to live
That's fact, I just don't let anyone in RL know that... I've been manipulated and abused as a child, I've been left on the streets when I was 12 yrs of age, I was forced into a life of crime until I turned 18, I've had my heart torn asunder and now I have a family that I've never ever had or experienced.

I lose this, I don't care, I would have reached my limit. I am trusting my wife with more vulnerability now that she can even imagine, if only she truly understands what I've compromised for her - especially after I had to "unharden" myself for my family despite the traumas I've experienced.

What was done is done, honor her memory with the good in her, not just this
 

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Discussion Starter #13
TopazGal
So sorry Mr Blunt....that is a hard one to take.....as I was not there with my family yesterday to lay my grandmother to rest....it hurt me so badly.....but when you hear a horrible story like this I guess my hurt is not that bad.....I hope she can find peace now....and I hope you are ok......
Death is so cruel isn’t it TopazGal? Even if they lived for many years like your grandmother it is still a terrible sting. I hope you have somebody or something to comfort you and your family. Your hurt is real and bad it is just that one death was from a grandmother that was up in years and the other was a 28 year old woman. What makes it so sad is that Déjà was in such emotional and spiritual pain that she did the extreme.

Thank you for your concern TopazGal. I will definitely be OK in short order; I do not know why this got me a bit sensitive. I am usually a blunt, I will worry about me and you worry about you, type of a guy. In other words I am a, I am responsible for me and you are responsible for you, man. This is very disheartening but I will bounce back and probably hurt someone’s feeling with my bluntness in the near future.

Thanks again TopazGal
 

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Discussion Starter #14
By RandomDude

I dont really know what to say... all of us has our limits... I agree with you.

If I lose my wife and daughter, I will no longer any reason to live
That's fact, I just don't let anyone in RL know that... I've been manipulated and abused as a child, I've been left on the streets when I was 12 yrs of age, I was forced into a life of crime until I turned 18, I've had my heart torn asunder and now I have a family that I've never ever had or experienced.

I lose this, I don't care, I would have reached my limit. I am trusting my wife with more vulnerability now that she can even imagine, if only she truly understands what I've compromised for her - especially after I had to "unharden" myself for my family despite the traumas I've experienced.

What was done is done, honor her memory with the good in her, not just this

Random

My grandfather was taken by his father and left in the street at age 12. His father told him that he was old enough to take care of himself and not burden him. However, my grandfather’s brother was not kicked out of the house because he was very smart and got to stay home and put through school.

My grandfather had 9 children and was married for over 60 years. He had a good life and he always bragged that all of his children graduated from high school (my mother was valedictorian so my grandfather must not have been dumb) and that they are all productive and good citizens of the USA.

Random, I am glad to see you have overcome such turmoil; yu are an encourager. I hope that you, your daughter, and your wife live to be 100.

I hate death![/
 

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Well, in my spirituality I believe death brings new life, but that's just what I say to myself. How I have coped with friends and folks who I considered my brothers die from knife-wounds, icepicks and machetes. Or women who commited suicide after rape and/or abuse. Still remember dropping off one of my girls only to have her gang-raped. After she killed herself I hunted them all one by one. Hell this was SO MANY YEARS AGO

We all cope with death different ways I guess. I just know I wouldn't be able to cope with losing the family I have now. Despite all the strength that I have mustered over the years, I am human. I don't judge the girls from my past who committed suicide.

I remember them for the strong women that they were to have overcome so much and with little support. Even though at the end they have fallen, I still honor them in this way. I despise folks who call them "weak" or "pathetic" to have committed suicide.

Everyone has their limits.
 
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