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Relationship Thesis

Before anybody reads this and has a cow this is my disclaimer. This is my opinion only on the matter at hand. I believe this is why my marriage is doing so well. This is only my opinion. I have gathered this through life experiences and talking on many forums. I hope this helps some people that they read this and honestly look at their relationship and look for ways to improve it. Feel free to comment on it anyway you see fit.

What makes a relationship work and what are the keys.

I.) Communication~ An Open line of communication can build a great relationship, keep it moving or repair it when there is damage to it. In my view there is nothing more important then being able to talk to your partner about every thing. By communicating I know my wife what she wants and what she expects. The lack of communication almost lost a great thing. The ability to communicate not only saved it but strengthened us.

A.) Listen~ A part of communication has to be the ability to listen. No one wants to spill their heart out if the other person isn’t listening or just paying lip service.

1.) Boundaries~ Listen to what your partner thinks as far as limits. Is hugging okay, how about dancing with someone else? Knowing where your boundaries are can keep you from having to repair a relationship.

B.) Acceptance~ You have to be able to accept what you are being told from your partner. Saying you do doesn’t help if you can’t or refuse to use the information.

C.) Sharing~ You must be willing to share the good and the bad of the day or even your dreams to communicate well.

D.) Conflict Resolution~ Use communication to solve your problems. Most arguments are not because people disagree but rather they can’t or will not compromise or they can’t understand what the other wants. Arguing is the worst form of talking because things not meant to be said are out of anger and most arguments would not happen if there was good communication.

II.) Trust~ If you trust your partner it is easier to communicate with them. there is less jealousy. Although I put trust behind Communication it is only because trust can not save a marriage but can make it stronger. If trust is lost it has to be rebuilt with communication.

A.) Honesty~ A large amount of trust can be built from honesty in everything you do and say. For every lie you tell you must tell a thousand truths to be a square one.

B.) Dependable~ If you say you are going to do it, do it. There is only so many times you can make and break a promise before people no longer take your word for it.

C.) Forgiveness~ Once something is in the past there is no need to bring it up to be solved again. I am not saying that if your partner cheats you should forget the whole thing and more on but if s/he forgets to do the laundry and you have made it a point and they do something to make up for it there is no reason to bring it up six months later. This only drags a relationship down.

III.) Love~ Loving yourself and loving your partner is an important part of a relationship. If you do not love yourself then you will not be able to love another other then be co-dependant on them. Truly loving them will keep the fires burning and wanting to trust, communicate and be faithful to them.

A.) Honor & Respect~ We have been taught to treat others with honor and respect. Nothing is more true in a relationship. It cuts quick when your partner will disrespect you in front of friends or family. Kids will even pick up on this and play parents against each other.

B.) Intimacy~ There are multiple ways couples can be together.

1.) Sexually~ Many couples bond sexually, keep a good relationship going and guage if a relationship is faltering solely on sex. It is the identifiable thing. Matching Sexual Libidos was the most important thing for 15% of the people in one poll. Of the forums I have been on the biggest gripe is one partner wants it more then the other and they tend to feel hurt or dejected.

One thing to always remember is that those butterflies you first felt where chemicals in your body dopamine and nor epinephrine which fade quickly, thus the rush. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love you partner as much, just nature knows you can not keep producing those chemicals at that level. Nature has done it’s job now it is up to you to keep it going.

2.) Togetherness~ All intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual in nature. Cuddling is the greatest way to bond. Sex often ends up in cuddling. You always save the best for last.

C.) Faithfulness~ Of the couples polled on why they stay faithful love or the fear of losing their partner was a dominating factor. Love and faithfulness go hand and hand. How can you claim higher love if you choose to hurt them. In the process you cover it up by not communicating with them, and breaking their trust in you.

IV.) Companionship~ It is nice to have someone to do things with. To share experiences with. Ask any old couple that has been through it all and they will tell you stories each adding to the same story. Why because they are friends as well as lovers.

A.) Cooperation~ What is companionship if you are not willing to cooperate together? You need to be as one.

B.) Compatibility~ Having the same likes and hobbies. Some call this the glue theory others the peanut butter theory. Compatibility can keep a relationship together. It can be based on many things too.

1.) Religion~ Not only does this help glue couples together but it gives them an identity. It helps open new ways of communicating and sharing. Because of church schedules it shows families there is nothing wrong with MAKING time to be together. I hear so many times we never have time to do this or that. If you go to church then that is a sign you can make time for each other. It is no wonder that more families that rate religion highly eat together too.

2.) Shared History~ Which can be coming from the same background or area. It allows a couple to have an avenue to communicate to each other.

3.) Friends~ Common friends or groups of friends that like each other allows for greater bonding between couples and are less likely to help drive a wedge between them.

4.) Maturity~ Lets face it you both have to be at the same maturity level even if the ages are somewhat the different. I have known couples where one person just wasn’t there, or willing to put any effort into a relationship. I have know others that while one person wanted to party the other wanted to settle down in the new parent role. You need to be on the same level.

5.) Community~ Or a sense of connection through friends, family or religion but can also come from hobbies.

6.) Politics~ Nothing brings partners together like fighting on the same side and nothing draws fighting like being on opposite sides of politics.

C.) Accommodate~ Sometimes you will not share the same interest. Hey there is nothing wrong if he watches football but gives you the TV for your Drama. This can even be played up. You cater to him during his TV time and he to yours. Of course it has to be a two way street.

D.) Compassion~ Not only for our partners but for those around us. I have been told time and again that people watch on the first few dates how the other person treats a clerk or waitress because it will often reveal a short temper or a mean person. A partner wants someone that will always show them compassion even when the chips are down.

V.) Expectations~ What is your role and what do you expect from your partner. How well do you live up to it and how realistic is it.

A.) Cleaning~ In today’s world we expect most women to work as it takes two incomes to provide for a family, yet we still expect them to do all the chores. Granted chores now a days are not like the past. Cleaning a house dishes, laundry etc. should be 2 hours a day and cooking no more then an hour. There is no reason if both parties work similar hours that they can’t split the chores. (I do the cooking and cleaning plus a majority of raising the four kids plus own my own store, so before someone tells me I don’t know what it is like to be a stay at home I have been with multiple kids. It isn’t hard just time consuming.)

B.) Provider~ Although it often takes two or three paychecks now a days to provide for a house hold you can’t always expect this to fall on just one person. Bills are behind so the guy gets a second or third job. To much burns you out and you wonder if any of it is worth it. All other things fall apart. Try to do with less or mild work increase or both. Who care is you have the money for that new car if your relationship falls apart.

C.) Model~ What type of role model do you want other to see you as? How about your kids?

D.) Avoidance~ Destructive relationship habits and behaviors doom relationships. Alcoholism, Drug abuse, Violence, Cheating etc. Have you been open and honest about communicating things you will not tolerate? Before my wife and I got married I got an earful of what she wouldn’t deal with.

E.) Neglect~ Don't neglect the needs of your relationship (including your sex life) because of outside pressures such as work and children. If you find that this is the case fix it as soon as possible.

F.) Realistic~ Keep any expectation of a partner realistic. If they sleep for eight hours a night it is unrealistic to think they are going to work 120 hour weeks.

G) Support~ You need to support your partner emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually.

VI.) Financial Stability ~ One of the leading causes of fights between couples is money. It is okay not to be rich but live within your means. I had a friend that got married spend $20,000 on her wedding then divorced because of financial stress.

VII) Have Fun Together~ Find things you both like to do or share. It can be collecting things, religion, history or games. Go for walks if one goes on a diet then the other can get involved. But when you smile it is so worth it to share that with your partner.

A.) Humor~ Of all the women I talk to this is always brought up. They like to be able to laugh with their partner. So have fun with it.

B.) Appreciation~ For who your partner really is.

C.) Playfulness~ Those that play with kids great normally are those that are loving and caring.

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