Relationship help!

953 Views 10 Replies 11 Participants Last post by tom67, Oct 12, 2012

JJNos01

Discussion Starter · Oct 12, 2012

I am in my mid-20s and have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He's really great and any girl would be lucky to be with him. We recently talked about our future and I let him know that I want to get engaged before our 3 year anniversary and we agreed that it was a good time to do that. I've met his family and they seem to like me and even want to have dinner with my parents. But, my parents don't exactly feel the same. I grew up in a middle income family but my parents want me to marry into a higher class family. My parents have seen what happens when someone marries into wealth and what happens when they dont. My cousin who married rich is living a very comfortable life and I agree that marrying rich would be nice. Im not very against their views on this because Im sure my parents feel this way about their daughters. My boyfriend isn't making a lot of money and I don't see that he will be making the amount of money that my parents want for me in the future. There is also the issue that my parents have put a lot of money into me so that I could marry into a wealthy family and they really believe that I can marry into a wealthy family. I want to be able to make my parents happy,,, what do I do? Do I stay with him hoping for the best or break up with him?

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Samayouchan

· #2 · Oct 12, 2012

First of all, your parents are NOT the ones getting married. YOU ARE!

You need to follow your heart. If you're both in love with each other and want to be with one another, your parents aren't going to hate you for the rest of your life or dis-own you just because you marry into a regular family. I mean you cant buy love. That's earned.

Mind you, money will be and mostly always is important in relationship, but thats NOT what it is about. You have to do what makes you happy. Your parents will see how happy you are if thats the case and will accept it, because thats really what it should be about.

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Emerald

· #3 · Oct 12, 2012

Usually the rich marry the rich.

Are you rich?

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Shaunee

· #4 · Oct 12, 2012

It comes down to what you truely value in a relationship.

Money isnt everything but it does help.

And if thats your only concern, then your a lucky gal!

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3Xnocharm

· #5 · Oct 12, 2012

Your parents will not be the ones living in your marriage. No offense, but marrying to make your parents happy is a ridiculous notion. As long as your husband is willing to work, and is good to you and loves you, then those are the most important things. Marry the one you love!

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that_girl

· #6 · Oct 12, 2012

This isn't 1890. Marry who you want. Either they get on board or they don't. If they don't, that's on them.

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KanDo

· #7 · Oct 12, 2012

JJNos01 said:
I am in my mid-20s and have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He's really great and any girl would be lucky to be with him. We recently talked about our future and I let him know that I want to get engaged before our 3 year anniversary and we agreed that it was a good time to do that. I've met his family and they seem to like me and even want to have dinner with my parents. But, my parents don't exactly feel the same. I grew up in a middle income family but my parents want me to marry into a higher class family. My parents have seen what happens when someone marries into wealth and what happens when they dont. My cousin who married rich is living a very comfortable life and I agree that marrying rich would be nice. Im not very against their views on this because Im sure my parents feel this way about their daughters. My boyfriend isn't making a lot of money and I don't see that he will be making the amount of money that my parents want for me in the future. There is also the issue that my parents have put a lot of money into me so that I could marry into a wealthy family and they really believe that I can marry into a wealthy family. I want to be able to make my parents happy,,, what do I do? Do I stay with him hoping for the best or break up with him?[/QUOTE]

Quite frankly, I would be embarassed to have written this. Are you and your parents nothing more than golddiggers? Please break up with your boyfriend. he deserves better than someone who feels like this.

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RClawson

· #8 · Oct 12, 2012

No offense but your parents are boorish at best. Who do they think they are the efn Rockefellers?

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questar1

· #9 · Oct 12, 2012

Does your BF know that you're debating this issue? what would he say/how would he feel if he knew you were going thru this? If you haven't discussed it with him, why not?

At the very least, you need to be on the same team with the guy you think you want to marry. He needs to weigh in on whether he wants to be with someone who finds this a legitimate dilemma.

If my BF had struggled with this issue, my own family's ethics would obligate me to run for the hills and find someone who doesn't look at life this way. How does your BF feel? what are his ethics?

FWIW, my H makes decent money as a physician. Before we married we designed a simple engagement ring (under $1000!) although my girlfriends tried to coach me on "going for 3 months' worth of his income" and calculated a breathtaking amount of finger bling. I jokingly asked my fiance what he would say if I demanded he spend $x amount on the ring rather than the pittance he had put out. He made a waving motion with his hand, toward the door. I laughed with relief. I wasn't marrying a ring; I was marrying HIM. Big difference, esp in the long run.

Who or what do you think you are marrying? Be honest.

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KathyBatesel

· #10 · Oct 12, 2012

It's nice that you want your parents to be happy, but it's important to understand that sacrificing your own happiness isn't the way to do it. You cannot make them happy. They decide whether to be or not, and it has very, very little to do with you.

I'm sure they'd be thrilled if you married the rich dude - until he's arrested for embezzlement. I'm sure they'll be thrilled if you ditch your boyfriend, until he turns out to be far better off in his middle age than the rich kid who wastes what he has.

Your parents do have a valid point in one way - wealth tends to beget more wealth. A rich guy stands a greater chance of being wealthy in thirty years than someone who starts with nothing. However, so much can happen in our futures and there's no way to predict.

Others have asked how your guy feels about their attitude. I hope that his response is to say, "Don't worry about it. They'll see that I'm good for you emotionally AND financially. I'll make it a point to make your well-being my life's mission." If his response is to get angry and criticize them, consider it a yellow flag.

But whatever choices you make, your parents love you and they will continue to love you even if they feel temporarily disappointed in your choice.

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tom67

· #11 · Oct 12, 2012

KanDo said:
JJNos01 said:

I am in my mid-20s and have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. He's really great and any girl would be lucky to be with him. We recently talked about our future and I let him know that I want to get engaged before our 3 year anniversary and we agreed that it was a good time to do that. I've met his family and they seem to like me and even want to have dinner with my parents. But, my parents don't exactly feel the same. I grew up in a middle income family but my parents want me to marry into a higher class family. My parents have seen what happens when someone marries into wealth and what happens when they dont. My cousin who married rich is living a very comfortable life and I agree that marrying rich would be nice. Im not very against their views on this because Im sure my parents feel this way about their daughters. My boyfriend isn't making a lot of money and I don't see that he will be making the amount of money that my parents want for me in the future. There is also the issue that my parents have put a lot of money into me so that I could marry into a wealthy family and they really believe that I can marry into a wealthy family. I want to be able to make my parents happy,,, what do I do? Do I stay with him hoping for the best or break up with him?[/QUOTE]

Quite frankly, I would be embarassed to have written this. Are you and your parents nothing more than golddiggers? Please break up with your boyfriend. he deserves better than someone who feels like this.

Click to expand...

Read his thread also it's an eye opener.

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