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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone,

It is my 1st time so I hope I am posting in the right place.

I've met my BF nearly 4 years ago, we've had a hard start with my ex stalking me, & my current BF kind of blaming me for it, but we went through it. We live together since the beg.

Things went really sarrow in May this year, where he was couting every penny, "you owe me a euro" type of things. I really didnt take it well considering that I always been his "bank". He needed 20, i gave it to him, didnt even ask for money back. We were going on holidays, I was paying, he would give me the money back afterward of course but i've always paid because I earn more, & I am good with money (saving ect..) I just saw us as WE...But I've soon realized that it was going one way. When I was short, he could never help me. He started going out but never offered me to pay a drink or something.
I own my apartment & out of the 1000 i was asking 300 rent...i dont think it's much!
Things got harder & I asked for 100 more, he flipped, told me it was my apartment, ect...even went to ask me whether I would put him on the contract if he was givign me more.
He now tells me he said all this because we were fighting and he was upset.
He was never like this before. We never counted (a friend told me that it's because I was paying most of the time so he didnt have anything to say, but now money got short so...)
Anyways...Back in August he broke up with me. His sister said something I had written on FB about him. The conversation went wrong & he thought I was insulting his family (when i actually love them).
The deal was he was to move out at the end of Sept after my holidays back home. Came back & nothing.
Then he was to move out at the end of Oct, then Nov...nothing. But in the mean time it got to the stage that we even split the shopping. I am not asking him anything money wise, I pay my stuff & him his stuff. It saddens me to see our relationship went down to this.

We can not have a conversation together. He feels attacked each time. We can not work on anything. We just have unimportant talk, have a drink togher with friend but that's about it.
He never never tells me anything, just that I am wrong. he always tries to return the situation and blame me. He never take responsability. & if I press he can become very nasty & will tell me "when you are like this i dont want anything"....so my fault again

ANyways...I could go on and go on...

But he's not living. & this is what i dont understand. Why doesnt he live!!!

Each time I ask him to live, he become all nice with me. We start having a laugh again and in order to keep it like that, we can nover talk about us, & where our relationship is going.

I am 33, I start to want a commitment.

I am lost.

Thanks for reading me
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I have asked him several times. each time he tells me he needs time to find something else...but then nothing happens!

I think he enjoys the confort he has (will be harder for him if he goes), but in an other hand I wonder if I am not the one asking to much or not seeing that he's trying or something.
 

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I don't think you really want him to leave. He knows it so he stays. You haven't made it clear to him that things are over between you. Kick him out if you want him out. Tell him he has until (whatever date) to get his stuff out or you will have it moved for him at his expense. Then DO IT.
 

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I have asked him several times. each time he tells me he needs time to find something else...but then nothing happens!

I think he enjoys the confort he has (will be harder for him if he goes), but in an other hand I wonder if I am not the one asking to much or not seeing that he's trying or something.
It's your apartment. Tell him you'll be changing the locks on Saturday so he should make sure he has his belongings moved by then since he will no longer have a key.

You don't "talk" him out of free rent. You show him the door.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
@ a bit much: it think u kind of right...am afraid for some reason...and he knows it...


Told him this evening a had 2weeks. Since Aug he had plenty of time. I've seen a nice flat for sharing on the web, & cheap...
Told him i deserved better.

I've made myself clear back in Oct, & been asking nearly on daily basis "have u found something?"

But then my nerves go down & I become soft...& he plays on it i think. He knows me..yes he does...he knows when I am calm he can get away with nearly everything.

I am afraid but i still want him to go.
I just dont know why we should fight...why cant we just break up & separate in a sound way? We dont match, ok, end of story, move on.

Do i need to put him against a wall? I dont think wither of us are happy, so why cant we do this as adults

thank u all for taking the time to answer me
 

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Yes, I think other posters are dead on. He is taking advantage of your kindness. You will have to be tough, and it may be hard but you can do it. Give him a date and stick to it.
 
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