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It's been over two years since I've visited this site. This site was very helpful while being separated and going through my divorce. Fast forward to now. I've been officially divorced for almost two years. While separated, I started talking to a girl that contacted me on Facebook basically because she liked my picture. We learned a lot about each other over e-mail and got together a few times. We were friends for about year before we actually started dating. She didn't want to get involved until my divorce was final.

I have two kids from my marriage. She has one with her ex-fiance. In both cases, our exes wanted out of the relationship because they had "side relationships" going on. We have now been dating for almost a year-and-a-half. Things are good. She has opened my eyes to living life. I look at my marriage and I feel I was living a sheltered life compared to what I'm doing now. It feels great. We have our discussions and an occasional argument but I feel they are healthy. In my marriage, things got bottled up and we wouldn't talk. I think that's part of what led to the split.

Now for the main point: My ex and I have a good working relationship when it comes to the kids. We share custody and are cordial to each other. I don't talk to her much on a personal level but I'm comfortable interacting with her. She is still with the guy from the side relationship. She has never brought him around me but she has met my girlfriend.

My girlfriend and her ex have a different relationship. And I want to know if I'm wrong for feeling like it's too close of a relationship. They chat often. It's usually about their daughter but they do share personal stories with each other...sometimes things that I don't know about her. Last Christmas, I was with her family and her ex had dropped off gifts for everyone. Her mom almost made it a show to make it known that "Ex" had brought gifts. It made me feel small.

Occasionally when my girlfriend has to go to work early, her ex will come over to her place and watch TV until their daughter wakes up so he can take her with him (as opposed to taking her the night before). She pretty much has full custody but he takes their daughter when she works. He brings her coffee sometimes.

I feel like her family is still more connected to him than me. The ex takes my girlfriend's brother places sometimes. He's in the media and has access to things I never would.

On Thanksgiving, they do a walk together with their daughter. Last year was supposed to be the last year they did it together. This year, she asked me to do it but said he would be going too. I respectfully declined telling her that's their tradition.

Last night, I went trick-or-treating with my kids and their mom. She went with her daughter and her ex. I called her to see what time she wanted to get together (her ex was taking their daughter with him afterwards). She said she was going to her brother's. Her ex was going along. So she told me to come to her house later. I said I could meet her anywhere (thinking she would invite me to her brother's) but she just said to go to her house later.

This weekend is her daughter's birthday party. She invited me and my kids along and her ex will be there. I'm comfortable going.

These are just some examples. My girlfriend and her ex seem to be very "chummy" together. They also talk about their relationships with each other. He just broke up with his girlfriend.

I have no reason to believe anything physical is going on. Since she and I both went through the same thing when we split up with our exes, I feel that she feels the same was as I do about infidelity. Should I be worried about how much they interact though or am I just being the jealous boyfriend?
 

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they are far too close for "ex's"

why would her family still welcome him when he left their daughter for another woman? :scratchhead:

this seems very odd, are you sure you are being told the whole story?

he watches tv at her house? he hangs out with her and her family? this is not normal "ex" behaviour,

does she want him back? because it sure does seem like it
 

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This would bug me, too. I'm not a man, but I am sure other men on TAM will tell you that as a man, they'd be annoyed. I know that if I was dating a guy who was all "chummy" with his ex like this, it would annoy me. In fact, I have dated that guy and notice I said "dated," meaning the past tense. No way, Jose.

It seems she has you for the relationship and him meeting some of her needs, too. Him coming over to her house and staying there, bringing her coffee, going over to her family's houses, that is too close, IMO.

Anyone would feel jealous in your situation. The guy is around all the time. Also, them discussing relationship problems is no good. Seems she is either not over him or has poor boundaries. And he may love this entire charade, too. He probably knows it annoys you and gets off on it.

I would talk to her about how you feel. You have a right to express your feelings. She will either empathize and have a more informal relationship with him or she won't. If she won't, then you need to decide whether you want to invest more time with her.

And I think it's weird she sought you on Facebook cause she "liked your picture." Maybe I am old school but that is strange to me. I don't randomly go around chatting up strangers on the net (ok except for TAM). Haha.



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Her "ex" isn't really an "ex". I think you're being used - for what is anyone's guess, but I would confront her and try to find out.

If that doesn't work, insist that she break off contact with the "ex". If she's not good with that, put her in your rearview mirror.
 

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Hmmm....are you prepared to have this third wheel along your entire relationship? They do seem awfully chummy, and that wouldn't be OK with me. We all have seen (on TAM) how easy it is to fall back in with an ex. No. They should be kept at a distance.
 

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Her "ex" isn't really an "ex". I think you're being used - for what is anyone's guess, but I would confront her and try to find out.

If that doesn't work, insist that she break off contact with the "ex". If she's not good with that, put her in your rearview mirror.
This is what my gut is saying.....

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The sad truth is that I wish all exs had this type of relationship when there are kid(s) involved. To often we turn their worlds upside down without a second thought. Now that being said, if it bugs you now and your two are only dating, imagine how you are going to feel if it progresses any further.

Please realize that when the are previous children involved there will always be an ex to deal with. Maybe that is a deal breaker for you. Guess what....that is fine. But just realize it and date accordingly.
 

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don't confront her, just don't call her...move on. if she comes to you then tell her you need some time to sort things out. you need to distance yourself because right now she has her cake and eating it too...
 

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The sad truth is that I wish all exs had this type of relationship when there are kid(s) involved.

Please realize that when the are previous children involved there will always be an ex to deal with.
That is true. However there is a line between co-parenting and then having the ex still hanging around all the time, in your partner's house, bringing them coffee, confiding about relationship problems (the one they have with you) and how they prioritize you vs. their ex.



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That is true. However there is a line between co-parenting and then having the ex still hanging around all the time, in your partner's house, bringing them coffee, confiding about relationship problems (the one they have with you) and how they prioritize you vs. their ex.
This is way over the line imo.
 

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FLD, this is your girlfriend, not your fiance, and not your wife. There is no need to confront or not contact her. She's somebody you date. In fact, what you should really be doing is having 2 or 3 more just like her in your rotation. You're a single man. Start living like one.
good point :smthumbup:
 

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FLD, this is your girlfriend, not your fiance, and not your wife. There is no need to confront or not contact her. She's somebody you date. In fact, what you should really be doing is having 2 or 3 more just like her in your rotation. You're a single man. Start living like one.
Or if that's not your style, just dump her and move on to a woman who shares similar values.
 

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My ex partner i still cook him dinner sometimes and he still gets me some shopping if i need it, my family like him, he does things for my children, meh he was at the birth of both of them ;) and they weren't his. He was watching a film and football at mine, i was doing something else, but he does that and i don't mind, i trust him.

We share an older son and we are on good terms, i left him because he has no sex drive, he really doesn't as he has not had another girlfriend ever, he may be gay, i don't care, he is dependable and not a bad guy to have around.

He is part of my family.
 

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My ex partner i still cook him dinner sometimes and he still gets me some shopping if i need it, my family like him, he does things for my children, meh he was at the birth of both of them ;) and they weren't his. He was watching a film and football at mine, i was doing something else, but he does that and i don't mind, i trust him.

We share an older son and we are on good terms, i left him because he has no sex drive, he really doesn't as he has not had another girlfriend ever, he may be gay, i don't care, he is dependable and not a bad guy to have around.

He is part of my family.
Sorry, I'm confused....he was at the birth of your children and they weren't his?

Are you currently married?
 
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