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I have done this. I have walked out the door and told him adios. Then he said that I'm not stable and I clearly want to leave him, if that's all it takes.

He plays both ways. Makes me a problem, always.
Except that you haven't. You're still there kissing his arse so you have no credibility.

You should get some help to find out why you're so desperate to get this guy to love you. Beggars are not attractive.
 

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Having now just realized your other thread

sounds like dude does ideed have a drinking or drug problem in addition to NPD

See when you have multiple threads about your situation - it makes it harder to see the real picture

they are not mutually exclusive....they are intertwined

In this one you are sounding more passive aggressive - that isn't a healthy mix with a drunk selfish person



bottom line - you teach people how to treat you
You can only control your own behavior and your reaction to another's behavior
 

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Your husband is narcissistic and abusive.

He will never change.

He will never get better.

He will only get WORSE.

If you stay with him, in 20 years, you will be a shell of a person, unable to make a single decision for yourself for fear of triggering his anger, which by then you will have been brainwashed to believe is ALL YOUR FAULT, and you will believe nobody else would ever want you, you are stupid, you are ugly, you are worthless, and you're a waste of air, and you should be GRATEFUL that he even bothers to keep you around, and why aren't you licking his boots to make up for it.

Read this book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft | 9780425191651 | Paperback | Barnes & Noble

I guarantee you will find your husband in it.
 

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Well, the problem is I don't think we have "good arguments". Anytime I tell him how I feel (rejected...hurt ...stressed) he will say... fine. Clearly I can't make you happy -- why don't you try finding someone who will.

I can't even express my feelings without this wall of immediate torment.
He tells me that he went and bought me a new car and he STILL doesn't see my smiling all the time.

I let him know I asked him NOT to buy the car because our budget is very tight and "I" am the one paying for it.

And now he will let it slip "everyone" thinks I am always angry. I try to do for my kids...my family and no one cares about ME.

It's true he is very disconnected with his kids.

When he thought he was "dying" last night from a heart attack (his drama) he said maybe that's why my kids don't want to see me anymore. It's God's way of helping them heal when I die of this heart attack.

DRAMA!
Did you ever think of buying an Oscar award?

He seems quite the drama actor.

Every time he makes a drama filled statement, you should give him an Oscar award. And then smile and clap and be all happy - but only give him 45 seconds to talk.

If he were my buddy, i'd tell him to shut the eff up and stop treating his wife to these huge wheel barrels of cow manure.


Well, he takes a lot of pride in his appearance and he has gained about 15 lbs. He gets VERY upset about it. He will sit on the couch and hold the fat around his former 6 pack and say "look at this!" "Why don't you tell me that I'm fat!" I will tell him he looks great to me and I love him no matter what...and he will respond with ..."what is wrong with you...why can't you see how ugly I am!"

If I dare say...okay let's go to the gym more together ...he'll say "oh so you DO think I'm fat."
HAHAHAHAH. Is your husband 5 years old? Tell him to stop the pity party.

So, I think he thinks he's unattractive and that's playing into it.

But, what do I do? I try to help him -- even suggest he go to the gym with me....and he will sometimes -- but he eats too much. If I suggest we eat at home...he will say no...

I can only do so much.

But last night he said the reason he doesn't work out and he's getting fat is because he's constantly worried about making me happy and trying to please me.
AHAHAHAHAH....NO

When he makes stupid comments (And they are stupid), you look him in the face with a blank, emotionless look and ask "Are you finished?"
And stare at him until he tells you yes.


Your husband acts like a petulant child.
When he acts like a child, treat him like one.

I'd even suggest you get a diaper, a Bah Bah, and a binkey if he keeps acting this way.
 

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Next time he suggests finding someone else agree that this is a good idea and tell him you'll start packing and he can kiss own own arse.

Watch his tone change when his bluff is called. This one isn't that hard to see..... he uses emotional manipulation and bullying to keep you unsure and chasing him. Stop doing it and the behavior will stop, after some toddler tantrums to see if you'll break.
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I did this 3 times actually. It didn't work with my X. It just made him more resentful I think.

IMO, If you truly love him and figure out that what he has is treatable and you can live a happy life, go the counseling route.

Please do not separate if you want to reconcile.
 

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Read the articles on this page, they sound a lot like what you are going through with your hubby. It will do you well to find out why you continue to give into his demands and whims...

GettinBetter.com's Articles
 

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I don't understand how people don't catch on to these things.
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I guess I'm gullible. I think everyone posts because they need help or want to honestly help because they care like me. I wouldn't post here just for kicks...I have better things to do with my life.

Bibi
 
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