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Discussion Starter #1
Previously, I have posted several topics about me cheating on my wife.

My wife actually employed a private investigator to follow me and discovered my affair with my 6months mistress.

Initially, my wife still wants to give me chance, but I chose to move out with mistress for 2weeks. Wife discovered from private investigator with photo and video evidence.

Now wife wants divorce, she is very firm with it.. Her heart has hardened.. That's when I totally wake up... I want my wife back... I stayed home and we are still sleeping on the same bed and still in talking terms.

Wife wishes me all the best with my mistress, but now... I actually badly want my wife back and totally no intention to stick with my mistress.

I actually beg my wife to give me a second chance.. But she said no.. She has given up hope on me.

The divorce letter is going to be out in 2days time, she expects me to sign without drama, she is not going to claim alimony and only expect me to pay our daughter her monthly living expense which I am okay with it...

Now the thing is... I really want my wife back... I did some soul searching.. Deep in me, I love my wife a lot a lot... I am prepared to give up my mistress (which is maybe too late now)...

I am in a desperate situation and I can't eat sleep well for the past 4days... Non stop thinking about my wife..

Is there any idea to get my wife back?? She is not seeing anyone now..

Or shall I give up?? And start a new life with mistress??

**I know I deserve all these sh!t.. I am the one causing all this and karma has already got back to me..***
I really want to change my ways and be a good dad and husband.. I swear!!
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Additional point, my wife said the divorce will be good for me and her.. And she said we can still hang out as friends and go out with daughter in the future

This is not a messy situation as we are still in talking terms (except we are not talking about romance)

Is there hope?? She keep re assure me that the divorce decision is final.

She has adultery evidences, so i am legally binded by law to sign the divorce letter.
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Why did you cheat on her?

How long have you been married?

How did you get started in the affair?

Why do you think you are worthy of a second chance? You've proven yourself disloyal; do you think she should just take you back because you're done with your plaything, now? Think about what you've put her through.
 

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Your wife's heart wasn't hardened it was probably broken.
My H cheated on me too. We are reconciling. I love him. We are doing well but do you know what? Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I'd never had him back.
Infidelity is devastating. It changes a person. You should have thought about how much you wanted her before you cheated on her.
If she wants a divorce, do the honourable thing and let her go. Give her the chance to find someone who won't cheat on her and treat her the way she deserves.
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Your wife's heart wasn't hardened it was probably broken.
My H cheated on me too. We are reconciling. I love him. We are doing well but do you know what? Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I'd never had him back.
Infidelity is devastating. It changes a person. You should have thought about how much you wanted her before you cheated on her.
If she wants a divorce, do the honourable thing and let her go. Give her the chance to find someone who won't cheat on her and treat her the way she deserves.
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hearts are generally pulverised actually....then we are expected to get up...and breathe...

good luck mister. very sad for your little girl and wife.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
We are in a 5years marriage, seeing this OW 6months.. It's now I realized I have totally screwed up..

I repent and regret..

I sincerely hope anyone can give me some possible solutions to get her back...
Really sincerely seeking for advices
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You won't find anyone on here that will tell you what you have done is ok. If your tough enough to take it, then stick around and you will get some useful advice.
What led you to cheat after only 5 years of marriage?

Actions speak louder than words.
SHOW her how sorry you are
Be totally accountable, transparent and honest with her.
No trickle truth, no rug sweeping. No blameshifting.
If she still wants to be friends then you might have a chance but it sounds like her mind is made up.
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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
Her mind is made up.. I can tell.. But she still feel slight affection to me. Last 2nights, she showed that her mind is made up, but she still weep for a few seconds when we talked..

The next morning, she just be her old self, determined to divorce.

The divorce letter will be out in 2days..

Shall I give up and move on?
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MOVE ON.

Of course she still weeps; she's crying for the life she THOUGHT she was going to have with you, the future she THOUGHT you were going to have together, the family she THOUGHT you were building with your little girl. It's all gone now!

And for what? For a different piece of azz! Some woman telling you how smart and funny you are. Meanwhile, the woman who has stuck with you for 5+ years is treated like trash; the child YOU CREATED TOGETHER has just had her life turned upside-down...and for what? A different piece of azz and some woman telling you how smart and funny you are!

Move on. Learn the lesson. Become the man your daughter deserves as a father - faithful, honest, reliable, upright, strong, respectful of others and worthy of HER respect. YOU WILL BE TEACHING YOUR DAUGHTER how a "man" acts. START doing it right!
 

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If you would not have gotten caught I bet you would not even be thinking of you wife right now. You cheated for a reason so you were looking for something that you feel was missing in your marraige so now you can go find that with somebody else because your wife is done.

You and her need to move on.I can't believe you are still sleeping in the same bed.
 

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Initially, my wife still wants to give me chance, but I chose to move out with mistress for 2weeks.
It seems that she was willing to give you a chance before, but you didn't take it and now that you realize how firm that she is you want it back.

I've heard that even thought some women forgive their men, there's always something lingering, some hurt and resentment, as well as inability to trust anymore, that would end up destroying the relationship anyways. In other words, the issue will always be there, it will never be forgotten.
Maybe for some women they would still take the chance, if they really love their men, but it's big suffering for them. It might or might not work in the end.
 

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"Cheaters never win". Rarely can couples reconcile, unless it is maybe a non feeling one night stand on a drunk stooper.
My wife cheated on me, I followed her & caught her, she divorced me, the other guy disappeared shortly after & 8 yrs were gone just like that. I was crushed for nearly a year & we had two young sons, that thankfully don't remember.
Don't be surprised that after your divorce is done & the "danger element" is gone, so will your mistress.
Sorry but you've lost your wife & the fact that you can still share a bed proves that you are no longer a threat to her.
Hope it was all worth it & best of luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Thanks for the advices.. From what I see from you guys experience.. The divorce is 99.9% concluded..

I will stop crying and beg for her to return even though I swear how much I want my family back...

Mistress actually is extremely sad that I have been paying her no attention ever since I stick at home, trying to get my wife back..
Honestly, I think I am also stringing mistress along... She actually is dying to have a future with me...

Too bad I know what I really want too late...

I still hope for a miracle that my wife will want me back..
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The best shot you have is if the mistress is banished forever from your life and you begin acting like a man who is living & breathing for this woman you hurt/betrayed ....wanting your family back....but this will take TIME... if it happens at all . I've never been cheated on personally or cheated, so I can not relate to these strong feelings most are sharing here, I can only imagine the depth of them... but call my crazy....I do believe that...
can conquer all - no matter what one has been through... if it wills.

If she ovewhelmingly feels your genuine remorse...and allows herself to open her heart again.

The fact she doesn't have anyone else and it still affectionate towards you - I would count a crack in the door... but only TIME and a truly changed man & father before her has the opportunity to allow you what you seek. I've heard of couples divorcing even, then getting back together. With Breathe - anything is possible.
 

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The best shot you have is if the mistress is banished forever from your life and you begin acting like a man who is living & breathing for this woman you hurt/betrayed ....wanting your family back....but this will take TIME... if it happens at all . I've never been cheated on personally or cheated, so I can not relate to these strong feelings most are sharing here, I can only imagine the depth of them... but call my crazy....I do believe that...
can conquer all - no matter what one has been through... if it wills.

If she ovewhelmingly feels your genuine remorse...and allows herself to open her heart again.

The fact she doesn't have anyone else and it still affectionate towards you - I would count a crack in the door... but only TIME and a truly changed man & father before her has the opportunity to allow you what you seek. I've heard of couples divorcing even, then getting back together. With Breathe - anything is possible.
I can banish mistress away of course.. But bear in mind mistress is also a quality girl whom loves me deeply, adore me like a king..

It sounds morally right to banish her away.. But if weighing everything, it does make decent sense to move on with OW..

I am not sure as of now...
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Yes, she knew about it. Initially, she was devastated. But now, she accepts it and from what I see, she is totally into me
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But she didn't know at the beginning?

Even so, if she accepted it, then it's kind of karma that she is now stuck with a man that can ditch her any moment to go back to the wife.

Real love is very rare to happen, and IMO, being with a married man means she can't ever really trust him completely, since she never know if he can also cheat on her even if he chooses her instead of wife in the end.

It would be nice if you can let her go right away if you intend to pursue your wife, it's not fair to make another woman as a 2nd prize (even thought she's the one who accepted it, maybe with some delusion that you can actually want her more than your wife).
 
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