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Discussion Starter #22
I hope this is seen as a genuine question rather than dig, but I find it somewhat confusing how someone who has had an affair themselves can struggle so much with their own spouse having an affair.

Obviously I understand it being difficult and the unpleasant thoughts, but surely being a DS yourself (a non-directed 'yourself') would be in the best position possible to understand the hows, and whys of it all. Can you not somehow relate your own needs and experiences to that of your spouses?

In a probably unfair way, I see it a bit like 'if it's good for the goose it's good for the gander'.
A fair observation and no offense taken.
I don't completely understand it myself, but I have come to this;
When I had an affair, the guilt tore me apart inside. As I posted, I thought that I was in love with the OW, but knew that my wife and I had so much together and had been so far. It wasn't enough to make me stop, but I couldn't take it and told my wife about two months into the affair. When she had an affair three years before this, she never told me at the time. Her affair lasted about three months and she only stopped when I got suspicious and confronted her about a lot of things. There is a part of me that resents that and that she could keep it to herself and still not tell me what was wrong with our marriage.
There is a part of me that thinks "If she did it once, she can do it again."
That feeling is subsiding. I know that she loves me and only me and only wants to be with me.
Hopefully in time, the suspicions and hurt will be gone completely.
 

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Discussion Starter #23
Dan, I really commend you and your wife for being able and willing to work it out. So many people can't (my marriage is one example).

Good for you guys!
Thanks. We are sill in love with each other and doing great!
 

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Dan, I know this an old post but I got here through your link on another thread. Your story is really heartbreaking and inspiring. The fact that you made it through all of this must mean there is true love. All the best.
 

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Discussion Starter #25
Dan, I know this an old post but I got here through your link on another thread. Your story is really heartbreaking and inspiring. The fact that you made it through all of this must mean there is true love. All the best.
Thanks, couple.
I wanted to put it all here so that someone else can see it and think, "Maybe we can work it out".
 

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thanks danf most of the replies to my story were very negative ok i know thats the normal but i had just lost what i thought i had and i dont think one person said you can make this work eventually they just kept telling me he was still lieing .its nice to see that there are some who make it through this.
 
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