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Hi all,

I have found myself in a really unusual situation, that after a very nasty divorce 2 years ago, I realised how much I loved my ex husband. I eventually plucked up the courage to tell hi, which was probably a big shock, however nothing happened, but we bacame very good friends. For a while now, actually since our divorce, he has a drinking problem, and fell off the rails badly. My gut told me something was worng and i went to his house and found him there, and support him to get it together. Even called the boss to save his job. A few weeks later befor a running race, I stayed over there, and it was amazing. It showed there was still lots of passion, and he went on holiday and the last sms, was how much he was going to miss me. Just after he went back to work, he had a drinking episode, as he could not cope with wotk, and once again, I found him, and called his boss to save his job. We had long conversations, something we had not had in a while. I supported him, and asked him if he wanted to come stay with me for a few days, as hee needed to be around people. He said yes, ans we got him booked into a psychiatric hopsital because his drinking was brought on by depression. He had also decided he would move in with me, to help me with the house and it was closer to hime, and he could spend time with his child. Everythign was great, and now suddenly he is so distant from me. I don't know what happend, or what could be going on. All I know was that we both know there were still feelings, now he has pulled away from em so much, he does not even want to talk to me. This is so confusing, although i realise what he is going through is a lot, but he won't talk at all. I just want to know what is happening, and the last thing I got from him was that it is not working for him, and when I asked why, he said, his psychologist and psychiatrist said him and I are a bad idea, but he won't tell me why they say that. I wish i could just get some answers, because I know there was something there and I get the feelig he is fighting it, because others have told him it is not a good idea..I don't know what to think, or how to react towards him, because it feels like everything I do is wrong, and he is withdrwing from me more, without me understand, therefore making me feel worse.

Any ideas or advice would be great, I seriously need some direction.
 

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the last thing I got from him was that it is not working for him, and when I asked why, he said, his psychologist and psychiatrist said him and I are a bad idea, but he won't tell me why they say that.
I have an idea as to why they (and others) would say that... you're an enabler. You think you're helping him when in actuality you are making things worse for him. He has to reach bottom and make the decision to come back up on his own. He doesn't need you there to put band-aids on his problems.
 

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I think you're solving too many of his problems for him when he should be learning how to solve them himself. Even if you think that what you are doing is loving, it is possible that he sees it as controlling him and enabling him to seek destructive behaviors rather than be responsible for himself. I think that you should consider counseling, either individual or marriage counseling, because it might be easier for you to understand what impact you are having on him if you hear it from a neutral third-party who is familiar with your situation and has talked to you both. You don't seem to be receptive to his needs and are confused because you don't know why he is doing what he's doing. You have to ask him what the problem is and instead of defending yourself or modifying your behavior immediately, just listen and see if you can understand things.
 

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I have an idea as to why they (and others) would say that... you're an enabler. You think you're helping him when in actuality you are making things worse for him. He has to reach bottom and make the decision to come back up on his own. He doesn't need you there to put band-aids on his problems.
:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

You simply cannot be there to "save him" from himself (?) every single time. There is a reason that you two divorced in the 1st place and that should be reason enough to leave well enough alone. Sure, it's ok to still care for him and love him, but LET HIM GO! Leave him alone and deal with himself and sort things out for himself. Otherwise, you'll make youself mad trying to "save him"; and it sounds like you're on that path. Just step away from him.... if you care for him, let him go. :(
 
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