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First a little back ground. My Ex and I are currently talking about getting back together. We were married for 24 years and have two great kids. The last two years of our marriage were very rocky. We both had multiple emotional affairs. I am not sure about physical affairs on her part (she says there were none). I did not have any physical affairs. I filed for divorce after I found out she was discussing ways to move our marital assets out of my control and telling her family members about our private intimate relationship secrets. She claims she was just talking and would have never actually moved the assets. After filing for divorce we lived together as a family discussing our problems and having intimate relations on a regular basis. I really think we love each other. Now that our divorce is final, my Ex is really struggling with our relationship. The actual act of divorce is incredible important for her. My divorcing her was the ultimate hurt. She asked me to move out of the house and I did. All the hurt and pain we caused each other in the past we call our “ball of goo”. When we talk about the ball of goo, we each have our reasons and the pain bubbles up to a point where further discussion turns into a pointless argument. We are currently doing a good job of not discussing the ball of goo. If it does come up, we have been keeping the topic at a high level. This has been working in that we are talking about the ball of goo not arguing.
Here is my current problem. How do we get the trust back? Currently while we are talking about getting back together we have agreed to tell each other if we are talking to or are interested in another person romantically. Trust issue number one - My Ex does a lot of texting. This is how she communicated with her emotional affairs in the past. I have also caught her urgently getting her phone to text when I am showering or when she is going into the ladies room at public events. She explains this by saying she needs to text her psychologist for advice and is embarrassed to admit she needs help in front of me. She texts often. Seems like a lot to me for only her psychologist. I am insecure and think she is texting romantic interests. Trust issue number two – Her work is a black hole for me. She never discusses details about the people she works with. Only at a very high level. Never detailed interactions. People she works with did not know she was in a committed relationship. Her boss even asked her why she never makes an attempt to have a relationship with anyone (totally inappropriate on his part). When she goes to conferences or on out of town business trips she says she is too busy to have an extended conversation with me via phone and will only text me when she has a moment. Sometimes no texts for hours. When she is in town we typically text each other throughout the day. Her behavior seems odd to me and I am insecure that she is romantically involved with others. Any help in how I get past these hurdles will be appreciated.
Here is my current problem. How do we get the trust back? Currently while we are talking about getting back together we have agreed to tell each other if we are talking to or are interested in another person romantically. Trust issue number one - My Ex does a lot of texting. This is how she communicated with her emotional affairs in the past. I have also caught her urgently getting her phone to text when I am showering or when she is going into the ladies room at public events. She explains this by saying she needs to text her psychologist for advice and is embarrassed to admit she needs help in front of me. She texts often. Seems like a lot to me for only her psychologist. I am insecure and think she is texting romantic interests. Trust issue number two – Her work is a black hole for me. She never discusses details about the people she works with. Only at a very high level. Never detailed interactions. People she works with did not know she was in a committed relationship. Her boss even asked her why she never makes an attempt to have a relationship with anyone (totally inappropriate on his part). When she goes to conferences or on out of town business trips she says she is too busy to have an extended conversation with me via phone and will only text me when she has a moment. Sometimes no texts for hours. When she is in town we typically text each other throughout the day. Her behavior seems odd to me and I am insecure that she is romantically involved with others. Any help in how I get past these hurdles will be appreciated.
