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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do you expect anything in return after performing oral sex on your partner? I know from reading many posts here that many love to give oral sex and do not expect oral sex in return, but do you get anything in return like a hand job or sex or manual stimulation? Is it ever acceptable for the receiver to fall asleep right afterwards? Are there mitigating factors to make it ok not to reciprocate somehow, like being very tired, or very late.
 

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I don't expect anything in return. Many times, I like to give her oral until orgasm and just leave it at that. This is usually during the day or early evening. Falling asleep? Haven't experienced that one. I assume you are already in bed and it's late, I guess it can happen. Sure, being tired is a reason not to return the favour, as long as it's not on a regular basis.
 

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no. blow jobs are free and plentiful. they are not a gift or given in exchange for anything. there are times especially during morning quickies that he gets to finish and i will wait until later. thats okay because neither one of us is selfish. whoever get left hanging the other makes up for it even more the next time.
 

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Do you expect anything in return after performing oral sex on your partner? I know from reading many posts here that many love to give oral sex and do not expect oral sex in return, but do you get anything in return like a hand job or sex or manual stimulation? Is it ever acceptable for the receiver to fall asleep right afterwards? Are there mitigating factors to make it ok not to reciprocate somehow, like being very tired, or very late.
I don't orgasm giving him an HJ or BJ but I really "get off" pleasing him.I don't want anything in return on those occasions.he has voiced the same opinion in regard to doing things to provide pleasure to me.
If he was consistently receiving and never giving back I'd get frustrated and I'd ask what was up with that.

Is someone doing this to you?
 

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I think it depends on the situation for me and my fiancee. There's times when she'll just surprise me with a BJ and leave it at that, there are times when she'll do oral and then we'll go from there.

For the record she doesn't like or want oral on her, so it's hard for me to comment when I'm being the giver. It's been years since I was down there :(

Essentially, if she's going down on me, I'll let her decide if she just wants to finish me off or if she wants something as well. She knows either way is good with me and I just want to make sure she's happy/satisfied as well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
I had a really long response but I'll keep it short.

I went all out last night and hinted for 2 days via sexy emails to my husband that I read books and posts on how to give a great BJ and wanted to try new techniques on him, although I think he thinks I give great BJ's. The first night he fell asleep early and I still had kids to tend to.

Last night I lit candles, did hair, makeup, lots of kissing up the thighs, had him sit at edge of bed to look down at me, I looked up, make it last a long time. Right afterwards he fell asleep. I had a mantra going all night before he got home, "I am doing this for me and I don't expect reciprocation." I repeated probably 50 times. Despite this, I was upset. We were in an embrace for about 15 minutes with him sleeping and I left room for 1/2 hour because I was upset. Probably because I gave him a BJ just a few days ago with nothing in return. When I returned 1/2 hour later, he DID perform oral sex on me, but that's probably because I NEVER leave the room after we go to bed and he must have known something was up. I even felt like telling him I didn't want him to do that but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

I'm writing here because he is the only lover I've known and after 30 years together, I don't know how things should be. Just lately I want more for myself and I think I'm not getting it. He did reciprocate so I don't know what my problem is. Maybe it's because I'm sure that if I didn't awaken him by getting up out of bed, nothing would have happened. I think I'm just frustrated and I'm not communicating at all. Maybe it's because sex lasts <3 minutes on a good day. Maybe because foreplay is short. Maybe because I feel like I'm doing most of the giving and very little getting. Maybe because I feel paralyzed to say how I feel.
 

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Do you expect anything in return after performing oral sex on your partner? I know from reading many posts here that many love to give oral sex and do not expect oral sex in return, but do you get anything in return like a hand job or sex or manual stimulation? Is it ever acceptable for the receiver to fall asleep right afterwards? Are there mitigating factors to make it ok not to reciprocate somehow, like being very tired, or very late.
I use to pleasure my wife OS wise and did not expect anything in return. I knew she liked it and did it sometimes shortly before bed time since a nice O made her more relaxed. She in turn use to once and awhile offer me a BJ without expecting anything in return.

90% of the time when either one of use would do this for each other we ended up with either PIV or returning the OS just cause we both wanted to. There never were any rules. I use to offer it to her daily. I enjoyed very much pleasing her with OS.
 

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I had a really long response but I'll keep it short.

I went all out last night and hinted for 2 days via sexy emails to my husband that I read books and posts on how to give a great BJ and wanted to try new techniques on him, although I think he thinks I give great BJ's. The first night he fell asleep early and I still had kids to tend to.

Last night I lit candles, did hair, makeup, lots of kissing up the thighs, had him sit at edge of bed to look down at me, I looked up, make it last a long time. Right afterwards he fell asleep. I had a mantra going all night before he got home, "I am doing this for me and I don't expect reciprocation." I repeated probably 50 times. Despite this, I was upset. We were in an embrace for about 15 minutes with him sleeping and I left room for 1/2 hour because I was upset. Probably because I gave him a BJ just a few days ago with nothing in return. When I returned 1/2 hour later, he DID perform oral sex on me, but that's probably because I NEVER leave the room after we go to bed and he must have known something was up. I even felt like telling him I didn't want him to do that but didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

I'm writing here because he is the only lover I've known and after 30 years together, I don't know how things should be. Just lately I want more for myself and I think I'm not getting it. He did reciprocate so I don't know what my problem is. Maybe it's because I'm sure that if I didn't awaken him by getting up out of bed, nothing would have happened. I think I'm just frustrated and I'm not communicating at all. Maybe it's because sex lasts <3 minutes on a good day. Maybe because foreplay is short. Maybe because I feel like I'm doing most of the giving and very little getting. Maybe because I feel paralyzed to say how I feel.
"Just lately I want more for myself and I think I'm not getting it. "

After 30 years you are changing, how often has this been expressed to him? If not at all or very little communication he likely feels what has been good for 30 years is still good.

Tell him you would like some more OS, tell him he is so good at it you would like it daily. You need to be open as to what you want, how often and talk with him to get to a place where you both are happy. As mentioned I would have gladly pleasured my with with OS daily, some men may not. Do not be frustrated, talk with him and work through what you want and what he feels he can provide. Don't let this turn into a cycle of frustration.

Sounds like he maybe in a high stress job, you mentioned he is tired. Could be as he is getting older his T levels are dropping which will make men tired more often.
 

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Aw sweetie your sex life is unbalanced and no wonder you feel this way. You give and give and give thinking he'll magically change but it never works that way. You know in your heart that had he not heard you get up you wouldn't have gotten oral back. He's got PE issues that hasn't been addressed either.

You bring your A game to the bedroom and all you want is for him to do the same.

If you're sexually satisfied giving without getting is enjoyable. If you're not satisfied then all you feel is used.
 

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I'm writing here because he is the only lover I've known and after 30 years together, I don't know how things should be. Just lately I want more for myself and I think I'm not getting it. He did reciprocate so I don't know what my problem is. Maybe it's because I'm sure that if I didn't awaken him by getting up out of bed, nothing would have happened. I think I'm just frustrated and I'm not communicating at all. Maybe it's because sex lasts <3 minutes on a good day. Maybe because foreplay is short. Maybe because I feel like I'm doing most of the giving and very little getting. Maybe because I feel paralyzed to say how I feel.
Bingo! First off, let me just congratulate you on your commitment to your husband. If my wife ever did anything like you did with the BJ talk and what not, I'd be chomping at the bit to please her. I feel your pain though, sometimes when I go down on my wife I get the "I'll pay you back tomorrow" and nothing ever happens. I generally don't expect anything back, but that hurts.

That said, talk to him. As a guy, I'm going to tell you something: We are brain dead mules lost in the desert. Subtle hints DO NOT work in the long run. Just tell him what you want, but in a nice and assertive way. It could arouse him that you tell him exactly what you want, I know I would appreciate it. If you've been together so long you shouldn't have a problem being open and honest, it can only help things and help you both be more satisfied.
 

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what i have learned in 19 years of marriage and really only started getting it recently is that sometimes we create these scenarios in our head right down to the end. When our partner doesnt follow the script we *think* is obvious we get disappointed because we havent really communicated the expectation.

My husband once told me I had been the same way for so long and then I started to change and so did my needs but I never gave him time to catch up or even told him we were going with a different play from the play book and that wasnt fair.

having been where you are I think i can understand where you are coming from. Had I been able to read why you were feeling the way you were, I would have given you this answer instead of the other one.
 

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IMHO, couples who keep a tally of orgasms are doomed.

My ex used to demand immediate reciprocity and began keeping a tally of every O. She demanded the ledger sheet be kept in perfect balance, or she would not participate. I began to resort to pleasing myself due to our unbalanced sex drive, she began to count orgasms I gave myself. Eventually, I swear, she began to count orgasms I had before we met. When I got too far ahead of her count, in her book,

That marriage ended and ….

My wife demands NO immediate reciprocity, and allows me to lay back and enjoy myself.

That's great, but … I'd LOVE to perform OS. She has NEVER let me do it. I'm so surprised because she is so passionate and loves giving ME a bj, but will hardly let me even touch her to return the favor.
 

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sometimes men just want to lay back and enjoy themselves without all our "feeeeelingsssssss" getting involved and then go to sleep.
 

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stop fixing my sht for me ATC:p I dont get to service my husband that way as much as i would like because he HAS to reciprocate. I think he feels guilty or something, type A personality, oldest male child, over achiever thing going on or some such hang up. Or maybe I just trained him to think its not okay. Im working on that:rolleyes:
 

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I would be happy that he did perform after you came back into the room. I have performed countless BJ on my husband and expressed many many times my wishes that he reciprocate, but he never does. It really hurts my feelings, and I've told him so, but still nothing. I've done everything I can think of from making sure I'm properly groomed, smell good, setting the foundation, directly asking for it, getting angry, being flirtacious, and nothing seems to work. And when I try to discuss it, he gets frustrated.
 

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Do you expect anything in return after performing oral sex on your partner? I know from reading many posts here that many love to give oral sex and do not expect oral sex in return, but do you get anything in return like a hand job or sex or manual stimulation? Is it ever acceptable for the receiver to fall asleep right afterwards? Are there mitigating factors to make it ok not to reciprocate somehow, like being very tired, or very late.
sadly, im easy....i expect a slap on the ass, a high five, a squeeze, or a hug. i expect rock, paper, scissor to see how turns the air on/off the heat on/off, get water or food.

i expect respect, i expect to be verbally told, its was great--if it wasnt, tell me you had fun/enjoyed it. its not a secret, that its not my most fav activity, but i do it out of love, and bonding, and enjoyment, i do it because its his intimacy, and his need, so i expect our love and bond to be stronger and deeper.

i expect to be adored as i adore him, and maybe 8 outta 10 times i give a bj, i would like to orgasm too. i expect to be touched, and not made to feel as though i am being degraded while im doing it.

its ok to be tired, and ask for a rain check...but if there is no follow through at the previously stated date, then one might not be as forgiving of tiredness, or headache..or even be as in favor of the ol' roll over and snore.
 
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