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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.

So here's my story. Was married for little over 2yrs. Together for 6 years. We've shared a lot of great memories. Been through are fair share of ups and downs. We both don't do drugs and sober. We've traveled out of the country and across the country and live life to the fullest. She is my soulmate my best friend and my everything. She has always got my back if I needed her. We have stayed truthful and loyal to one another.
Well about year and half ago we had our first child, son. Born premature and spent 180days in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My wife had endured a lot in that pregnancy. Lots of stress in that period. Well not long after our son came home, about 2 months, my wife was pregnant again. Long story short, we lost our second child and devastated.
This ordeal started the decline of our marriage. Lots of blaming and arguments etc... She said I was not there emotionally for her in time of need. I thought I was but I take responsibility for all my flaws. I regrettably blamed her for the loss of our child out of anger and during an argument. YES, that was a low blow and I sincerel apologized to her about my comment. She sadly has not forgiven me and rightfully so. Not long after in October last year decided to file for divorce and served with papers after I dared her. Yes I'm an idiot thinking she wouldn't do it but she did. But shortly after reconcile and had a great Christmas holiday with few arguments in between.
New year was different and saw a decline again in the marriage. One of our recent argument, I called her out and said to her to finish and make the divorce final. I just said it thinking she still love me and wouldn't do it,Well guess what, she did. So after getting home the other day she told me she's moving out of state with our son.
As you can imagine, I'm devastated. Hurt and lost and betrayed. I helped her pack her thing in a trailer, spent the day with her and our son. We talked about about our life and situation and what are plans are etc. all the while I'm heartbroken to know they are leaving later that night.
She says time will tell. I asked her if it was ok for me to cling on "hope" and possibly reunited again as a family, she says yes. She also said nothing is for sure at this point. She just wants to figure herself out and time will tell.
Its been about a day now since they left and I feel like crap. Lots of emotions right now and deservedly so. Btw she had left me before for about a week to her parents before we got married with kids. She returned because she misses and loves me.
Back to my story. I know I gotta giver her space and as I'm typing this I got a text message that she wants to skype. Should I just ignore her for now. I'm confused. I simply want her back with our son and be a family again. I am far from perfect. What should I do or don't do to win her back? Will I ever gain her trust and get her back? Women encouraged to respond and would like their insight. Thanks
 

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I'm sorry that this happened to you. Suck painful events in a short time frame. Unfortunately words like the ones you said to your wife cut like a knife.
 

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Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.

So here's my story. Was married for little over 2yrs. Together for 6 years. We've shared a lot of great memories. Been through are fair share of ups and downs. We both don't do drugs and sober. We've traveled out of the country and across the country and live life to the fullest. She is my soulmate my best friend and my everything. She has always got my back if I needed her. We have stayed truthful and loyal to one another.
Well about year and half ago we had our first child, son. Born premature and spent 180days in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My wife had endured a lot in that pregnancy. Lots of stress in that period. Well not long after our son came home, about 2 months, my wife was pregnant again. Long story short, we lost our second child and devastated.
This ordeal started the decline of our marriage. Lots of blaming and arguments etc... She said I was not there emotionally for her in time of need. I thought I was but I take responsibility for all my flaws. I regrettably blamed her for the loss of our child out of anger and during an argument. YES, that was a low blow and I sincerel apologized to her about my comment. She sadly has not forgiven me and rightfully so. Not long after in October last year decided to file for divorce and served with papers after I dared her. Yes I'm an idiot thinking she wouldn't do it but she did. But shortly after reconcile and had a great Christmas holiday with few arguments in between.
New year was different and saw a decline again in the marriage. One of our recent argument, I called her out and said to her to finish and make the divorce final. I just said it thinking she still love me and wouldn't do it,Well guess what, she did. So after getting home the other day she told me she's moving out of state with our son.
As you can imagine, I'm devastated. Hurt and lost and betrayed. I helped her pack her thing in a trailer, spent the day with her and our son. We talked about about our life and situation and what are plans are etc. all the while I'm heartbroken to know they are leaving later that night.
She says time will tell. I asked her if it was ok for me to cling on "hope" and possibly reunited again as a family, she says yes. She also said nothing is for sure at this point. She just wants to figure herself out and time will tell.
Its been about a day now since they left and I feel like crap. Lots of emotions right now and deservedly so. Btw she had left me before for about a week to her parents before we got married with kids. She returned because she misses and loves me.
Back to my story. I know I gotta giver her space and as I'm typing this I got a text message that she wants to skype. Should I just ignore her for now. I'm confused. I simply want her back with our son and be a family again. I am far from perfect. What should I do or don't do to win her back? Will I ever gain her trust and get her back? Women encouraged to respond and would like their insight. Thanks
Some thoughts...

1) If you want your wife and family back then of course you should NOT ignore her. F*cking DUH. Give her space, but eagerly welcome every opportunity to talk and/or spend time w/ your wife and son.

2) Grow the f*ck up and stop daring her to do things. Hell... I'd be willing to bet that that's easily 50% of your problem.

3) Oh... and, just because it seems like you may very well be that clueless, I'll just come out and say it...

No girlfriends. No NSA/FWB relationships. No other women. Period. Not if you want your wife and family back, anyway.
 

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Why did you let your son go so easily?

Granted my ol lady could go were ever the hell she wanted to go, but taking *my* boy would be out of the phucking question!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm sorry that this happened to you. Suck painful events in a short time frame. Unfortunately words like the ones you said to your wife cut like a knife.
Thanks. Completely understood the hurtful words that I said but i simply was in the heat of the moment. I have to live with it.
I hope she will eventually forgive me.
 

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Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.

Some thoughts...

1) If you want your wife and family back then of course you should NOT ignore her. F*cking DUH. Give her space, but eagerly welcome every opportunity to talk and/or spend time w/ your wife and son.

2) Grow the f*ck up and stop daring her to do things. Hell... I'd be willing to bet that that's easily 50% of your problem.

3) Oh... and, just because it seems like you may very well be that clueless, I'll just come out and say it...

No girlfriends. No NSA/FWB relationships. No other women. Period. Not if you want your wife and family back, anyway.
Thanks for being real. Sounds like what my friends are saying.
I've definitely gonna return her text. Keeping it short and simple.
I realized how stupid I am for daring her. Guess I'm pretty naive.
Dating etc.. Is the least of my concerns right now. I simply don't want to jeopardize any chances.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Why did you let your son go so easily?

Granted my ol lady could go were ever the hell she wanted to go, but taking *my* boy would be out of the phucking question!
Good question. Long story short, after my wife had file for divorce and after being served. I was told to respond at a certain time to the courts. Well I didn't. Time had expired but my wife and I had already reconciled but soon after the holidays it changed for the worse.
Regarding my original post, after I had stupidly ask her to finish the divorce is when she, I think, decided to proceed.
When she told me the bad news about the divorce and moving out of state with my son, I said she couldn't take our son and her answer was, "the divorce went into default". Meaning all her request from the filling was basically met. Yup, got screwed but it's my own responsibilty and being too naive about the situation.
Yes I admitted that it's my fault.
I spoke with an attorney which they said will be a hard but doable battle to fight against the issue of why I didn't respond to the divorce. It's a battle I can't afford right now and in all honestly, I would not want to put ex wife our son through more crap. I simply want my family back and going this extreme will further push them away.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
What caused the death of your second child? Why did you blame her even in anger?
After discovering from the 1st baby that she had medical issue with the thinning of her cervix, the doctors told us then to wait fo at least 6mon to a year before having more. Obviously that didn't happen and soon after the first baby came home that she was pregnant again.
We new that the second was prolly going to go through the same issue as the first baby.
So after 26 wks with again all exhaustion from the Dr's etc.. They couldn't save our second baby again due to her medical issue.
Like I mentioned before, I think this made her spiral down hill and rightfully so. My problem from her was I wasn't there emotionally through it.
I didn't blame her literally, it was simply heat of the moment and idiotic comment that I knew would push her buttons. It worked and now I'm paying for it.
 

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I have done plenty of stupid shyt in my day, but what I do know is I have learned from my phuck ups and work real hard not to let those phuck ups define me.

A guy has to dust off and get back in the game and not let shyt define ones self.

Some of the hardest shyt in life that we have to deal with bring the greatest rewards....never back down from a challenge and never say shyt you don't mean.

Next time some chick throws you a challenge take them up on it and over come it....it's sexy as shyt and chicks dig confident guys.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I have done plenty of stupid shyt in my day, but what I do know is I have learned from my phuck ups and work real hard not to let those phuck ups define me.

A guy has to dust off and get back in the game and not let shyt define ones self.

Some of the hardest shyt in life that we have to deal with bring the greatest rewards....never back down from a challenge and never say shyt you don't mean.

Next time some chick throws you a challenge take them up on it and over come it....it's sexy as shyt and chicks dig confident guys.
Thanks for the advice.
I am for sure learning from my screw ups. Unfortunately I had to learn it the hard way.
I'm trying to keep it together but it's still fresh. Time will get this confident back that I need for sure.
 

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They wouldn't be 'screw ups" if it wasn't "the hard way"......

You will get through it...we all get through the bull crap in life.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
How old are you both?

You sound like a pretty angry guy.

What was your childhood like?
39 yrs and she's 29.
I admit I get angry and short tempered. I don't go punching holes in the wall or anything. Sometimes I feel like she puts me in a "corner" and I would defend my self verbally.
Her parents always said to my wife that her mouth always get her in trouble.
So when in the heat of the moment there are harsh words said to one another and I regrettably would love to have those back.
Like I said in my other post, I take full responsibility for the mess I'm in now. I should've pick my battles right.

My childhood was a traditional, if you screw up you get a whopping. Nowadays they call it child abuse.
Parents stll happily married for I belive over 35 yrs.
 

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39 yrs and she's 29.
I admit I get angry and short tempered. I don't go punching holes in the wall or anything. Sometimes I feel like she puts me in a "corner" and I would defend my self verbally.
Her parents always said to my wife that her mouth always get her in trouble.
So when in the heat of the moment there are harsh words said to one another and I regrettably would love to have those back.
Like I said in my other post, I take full responsibility for the mess I'm in now. I should've pick my battles right.

My childhood was a traditional, if you screw up you get a whopping. Nowadays they call it child abuse.
Parents stll happily married for I belive over 35 yrs.
Is your anger and short temper "after" you hold things in for awhile as they build up?

Good relationship with your mom when you were young? Did you work to put a smile on her face?
 

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Re: Recently divorced - Really want my ex wife back.

Thanks for being real. Sounds like what my friends are saying.
Listen to your friends. And you're welcome.

I've definitely gonna return her text. Keeping it short and simple.
Short and simple is fine, but be sure to make it very clear to her that you WANT to spend time w/ them. So, instead of replying w/ simply "Yes", instead try "Yes, thank you. I'd love that."

After all, if there is any merit to her comments w/ respect to you previously being "emotionally unavailable" (and, given what you've posted, it sounds like there may very well be), now isn't the time to pull a "Mr. Data" on her.

I realized how stupid I am for daring her. Guess I'm pretty naive.
Yeah... it would be best for you to put a stop to that.

Dating etc.. Is the least of my concerns right now. I simply don't want to jeopardize any chances.
That's good.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Is your anger and short temper "after" you hold things in for awhile as they build up?

Good relationship with your mom when you were young? Did you work to put a smile on her face?
No I don't hold thing in, I'm the type that would let you know right away. I changed most of my ways and came a long way since she mentioned her issues but at times it slips and I'm far from perfect at it.
I admit fault but the other issue I have for her is seeking help. I and most of my family suspect that she could be suffering from post partum depression in which when approached with the possibility, she got upset and denies having it and always putting the blame on me for her misery and unhappiness etc..

I have a good relationship with my mom. We've had our fair share of disagreements but for the most part, I love her and she's my rock.
 
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