That sooner or later he is going to hit you...
really need advice
I relied on my husband to get me a battery for my car. A few days had past and I tried to start my car and of course it was dead. I went in and asked him and he forgot, and said it wasn't his responsibility (by the way, he is a mechanic). I flipped that it was his fault & he was huffed and puffed. He backed his car out to help me and hit the side of the garage, which messed up his bumper. He got out of his car & was furious, he threw my battery cover against the house and then pulled his arm back to hit me, he stopped and ran over to me. As this was happening, I was pleading that I would get a ride to work. He then grabbed my shoulders and took me away from the neighbors view (i am sure they heard & saw enough). while holding my shoulders, he screamed at me that I keep making him so mad, that I don't ever take the blame for anything I do. Then I got away & hit in the back until he drove away. What the heck do I make of this?
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DawnD, what is the next step then?
You can either sit him down and tell him he will take an anger management class to learn healthy ways to deal with his anger or you can leave. If you do decide you want to do either of these things, I would not do it alone. There is a chance that suggesting either of them will push him to physically harm you.
He is a very understanding person & this is the first time anything like this has happened in 8 years. I will sit him down tonight & discuss it. Thank you DawnD.
If this is new behavior then you need to get him to a neuropsych, right away.
If he's always like this, honestly, you can't live around him, it will damage your health. Your adrenal system is not meant to have your domestic life turned into a war zone. At some point you need to do stuff like poop and eat and sleep without having to keep your guard up, and if he's around, trust me, your guard will be up, the stress will take a very physical toll on you.
If he's always like this, honestly, you can't live around him, it will damage your health. Your adrenal system is not meant to have your domestic life turned into a war zone. At some point you need to do stuff like poop and eat and sleep without having to keep your guard up, and if he's around, trust me, your guard will be up, the stress will take a very physical toll on you.
I will agree with Homemaker, that if this isn't his normal behavior, he still needs to know that he was behaving in a way that was unacceptable. He can either open up and get help for anger issues, or he can talk to you and tell you what is happening that made him act so out of character.He is a very understanding person & this is the first time anything like this has happened in 8 years. I will sit him down tonight & discuss it. Thank you DawnD.
I was going to ask what his history was ,but you have already answered that. I don't think he needs anger management sounds like he has a medical problem to make such a drastic turn. I agree with Homemaker "get him to a neuropsych, right away."
I don't mean to scare you.... but it could be something like a; tumor, aneurysm applying pressure, lack blood supply, cancer etc. Since this is totally out of character for him... I wish you the best
It definitely sounds like maybe he should speak with a medical professional about this new behavior. It sounds like this is pretty serious and needs to be discussed.
Or he's very stressed about something and is losing it.
Raise your arm, lose your charm!
Doesn't sound good. First of all you didn't ask anything out of line of him and his reaction was way uncalled for. His behavior is not good and sounds like he will try to hurt you. Please be careful!
So did he actually hit you? Or maybe you are saying you hid? At any rate, I sure hope you have read these posts before you decided to talk to him by yourself! Please, please, please be CAREFUL! I for sure agree he needs to seek medical attention. If he won't, you need to find a safe place.I relied on my husband to get me a battery for my car. A few days had past and I tried to start my car and of course it was dead. I went in and asked him and he forgot, and said it wasn't his responsibility (by the way, he is a mechanic). I flipped that it was his fault & he was huffed and puffed. He backed his car out to help me and hit the side of the garage, which messed up his bumper. He got out of his car & was furious, he threw my battery cover against the house and then pulled his arm back to hit me, he stopped and ran over to me. As this was happening, I was pleading that I would get a ride to work. He then grabbed my shoulders and took me away from the neighbors view (i am sure they heard & saw enough). while holding my shoulders, he screamed at me that I keep making him so mad, that I don't ever take the blame for anything I do. Then I got away & hit in the back until he drove away. What the heck do I make of this?
Three numbers, 9-1-1. If he hits you, call the law and they'll be happy to arrest him. If he raises his hand to them, they'll do more than that. Whether he has stress, chemical imbalance, depression, cobwebs between the ears, or ingrown toenails, doesn't matter. You aren't a punching bag. He manages to control his temper at work and every other place he goes. This guy is out of control. If he hasn't actually struck you yet, it sounds like he will. I'd recommend packing a "go bag" and hiding it. A couple changes of clothes, some money, a spare pre-paid cell phone, some emergency contact numbers, extra keys to the car and the house, etc. Get friendly with your neighbors. You don't necessarily have to tell them you're afraid of your husband, but you need to have a nearby safe place to go and you don't want to meet your neighbors for the first time when a maniac is on your heels, chasing you with an axe at 3:00am. I would clearly let him know that a physical assault is a deal-breaker. I've got loads of patience but I won't feel unsafe in my own home.
You don't need a mechanic to replace a battery in your car, just go to Advance Auto and the guy or gal behind the counter will do it in 5 minutes. That is obviously not the issue here. You have to set him down and calmly have the conversation with him that he never gets to hit you or intimidate you or you will call the police. This must be a no tolerance policy, if you don't address it immediately and decisively, bad things are bound to happen. You insinuate this is not his normal, MO. You need to calmly but firmly let him know this is his official warning, no more excuses.
Brianna, I'm throwing another vote for being very careful and taking this seriously. Do you have a close friend or counselor that you can talk to? For something like this, you need all the support you can get.
Call the police on their non-emergency line and talk to the duty officer and explain what happened. You need to report this as an escalation of domestic violence. If you then need to call 911 at some point because he's been drinking and has no self control then the police will already have a report on file and will take the call more seriously than if they had never heard of you before.
Stash cash ( at least $100 ) and a get away bag in case of emergency. Put the cash separate from the bag. That way if he grabs the bag you still have the money. You would do well to have a well thought out escape plan.
Take full control of the battery issue. You can install it yourself. Look on the net for help with that.
Stash cash ( at least $100 ) and a get away bag in case of emergency. Put the cash separate from the bag. That way if he grabs the bag you still have the money. You would do well to have a well thought out escape plan.
Take full control of the battery issue. You can install it yourself. Look on the net for help with that.
Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't control his temper around others. OP should talk to other people he is around and see if they have noticed any changes in him.He manages to control his temper at work and every other place he goes. .
I am in complete agreement with the advice given by others to keep herself safe, this man sounds as if he could become dangerous.
He did handle it wrong. Do note, wives can very careful with their friends, cavalier with their husbands. Oh, Jane, please don't worry in the least about the dent in the car and the mirror. I was able to easily fix them (for only 1,600) and the photo album that you ran over, I didn't really like anyway.
Bob, where is the 2% milk. You got skim milk, SKIM MILK, SKIM MILK, WHY WOULD YOU GET SKIM MILM??. You're sorry, you're sorry, that's all I ever hear is I am sorry, why can't you just do what I ask for a change.
He should not have pushed her but I have no problem with him screaming at her. I do think men have a right to be treated with respect.
Bob, where is the 2% milk. You got skim milk, SKIM MILK, SKIM MILK, WHY WOULD YOU GET SKIM MILM??. You're sorry, you're sorry, that's all I ever hear is I am sorry, why can't you just do what I ask for a change.
He should not have pushed her but I have no problem with him screaming at her. I do think men have a right to be treated with respect.
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