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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place. I've posted a couple time before. Married 10 years, husband cheated 6 months into the marriage but I loved him and he showed remorse so we worked through it. I thought everything was fine. We have 4 year old twin boys. Fast forward to Sept. 2012, He told me he was unhappy and wasn't sure we were going to work out. Then in Oct. 2012 I find out he's been having an affair since May 2012 with a 23 year old who has a boyfriend. My husband is 50 and I'm 42. He moved out in November. Now it's Jan. and I find out he's already started a relationship with another 20 something who has a little boy. When he's been spending time with our boys he's been meeting up with her and they'll been all going out to eat, etc. WTF?
What is this serial cheater, sex addict, midlife crisis, mental breakdown, all of the above?
 

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I kept and sometimes keep holding out hope that my wife will will wake the f*K up but I think honestly that these people have character flaws and there is nothing they or u can do about it. Read my threads they are insane. If people are unhappy then end it correctly no problem with that, it happens, but it is the lying that tells the tale of the person. we separated and two weeks later she moved a convicted felon into my home who was watching my children alone, then I had him arrested for warrants and she tried to commit suicide, then she wanted to come home, wouldnt let her back, then she got back with him, I have full custody of children and they gave me back the house, shes still messed up maybe drugs not sure but if not bipolar. She asked me to help her the other day but she is not trying. I have to cut ties and let go somehow. Maybe u should to
 

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Serial cheater. He's likely been cheating on you in some form your entire marriage.

I know this is hard to digest, but you're getting this from a (hopefully) reformed serial cheater.

File for divorce - NOW. And be fully prepared to follow through with it.
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Yes, I agree he probably has been cheating on me throughout the marriage. I will be filing for divorce no doubt about that. I'm just in shock that he could move from one to the other so quickly. If he can move so quickly, then why did he stay with me for 10 years...
 

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I suggest you post this to the Coping With Infidelity category.
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Sounds like he thinks these 20 year olds will stick with him, boy is he in for a rude awakening. Don't be surprised in the future when he comes pleading for you back. Cheaters are the lowest of the lowest.
 

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For me if my W cheated on me once i dont think I can forgive. I been separed for 35 days and yesterday I meet a woman online we dint do nothing i told her it was as friend only. she is 49 and told me that her husband been married for 10 years always cheated on her and she hold back and waited until he can change but never did. Do you want to wait for more years for him to change. Or get divorce and find someone who would never cheat and have morals and respect for himself and you. Trust me he is going to come back when no other young woman wants or fills he needs than is you as a back up. Can you be happy in the future with a man like this.
I love my wife very much and out of no where she drop the bomb on me. i never cheated or hit her or nothing like that. I think is some sort if midlife crisis she wants to get rid of everything but thats enought of me. You are young. Go to the gym take long walks, dont smoke or drink. I hope I made you smile. I am sorry this is happend to you I hope you feel better take care.
 

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Does your H really think that when that 20 year old is 30, that she's going to settle for a 60 year old? Had he stayed with you he would have had a devoted, loving woman at his side.

Yeah, dump him. You deserve better.
 

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Do you work outside the home?

Is he helping you financially since he moved out?
 

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Why did he stay?

Because it is easier for a married guy to get 'sympathy' in the form of 'understanding' that manifests as 'comfort' in particular 'sex' under the guise of 'love' and 'reassurances' that the girl in question can do 'better' for him as he is clearly a 'winner' since he is a 'proven' husband and a good 'provider' and will therefore be a good 'catch' since his 'wife doesn't appreciate/want him' when he uses this 'story' to manipulate and conquer younger females.

After he is kicked to the curb he will just be a guy with some story that doesn't hold up. Plus he will be paying child support and may even be a proven cheater during the divorce (depending on your state and your attorney's legal tactics, if any) and then it will be more difficult for him to use that particular narrative, which I have to say, is incredibly effective. My husband taught me that much. If you can make up a story about your wife being frigid or not loving you or appreciating you or even cheating on you or whatever, you can usually get sympathy, and once you get sympathy from a younger female who is 'on your side' you can pretty much get anything from them. Especially if you are 'proven' to be a good guy and a good catch in a marriage. I'm not sure why women keep getting taken in by this, I suppose it's the allure of the existing daddy husband stable job wants love good provider has a house kind of thing that most women want, and the younger set who lack confidence may feel that the 'proven' older man is a better risk for them. Live and learn!

This type of man doesn't really have what it takes to get a relationship without this kind of tactic. Without the sympathy aspect, and challenging psychologically the younger woman to do better than his wife has, he has to actually put out emotionally, and because he's a predatory type, it's unlikely he's going to do this. Probably anything you've been getting from him is just enough to keep you involved and hopeful (and married.) Kids are a bonus for him, they give him emotional poker chips. Especially since they are boys.

The thing is, he doesn't want a relationship with A younger women. He wants a relationship that allows him to cheat and to pursue other women repeatedly as a manipulative controller who can feed his sexual ego. It's a game. A sociopathic game. He might settle down with another woman, maybe it will even be an older one who is more affordable for him, and then he will use the same tactic to acquire more victims. Anyhow, the rules of play require a home base. Otherwise he will have to change his game, and also do his own laundry and dishes and have to worry about where his 'sure thing' sex is going to come from, and it will come without the knowledge that he's putting one over on someone and it won't feel the same.
 

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Why did he stay?

Because it is easier for a married guy to get 'sympathy' in the form of 'understanding' that manifests as 'comfort' in particular 'sex' under the guise of 'love' and 'reassurances' that the girl in question can do 'better' for him as he is clearly a 'winner' since he is a 'proven' husband and a good 'provider' and will therefore be a good 'catch' since his 'wife doesn't appreciate/want him' when he uses this 'story' to manipulate and conquer younger females.

After he is kicked to the curb he will just be a guy with some story that doesn't hold up... [And other stuff...]
Huh... Wow.

You've given some good insight, HNU, on why, despite the fact the fact that she's been pushing for a divorce for months, my STBXW is dragging her feet on it now that it's a possibility and I'm trying to move things forward, and why she put up so much opposition to me filing for divorce against her and made such a big stink about the perfectly fair divorce agreement that my attorney drafted for us...

It's proof that the sob story she's been telling all her EAs and toxic friends doesn't hold up.



Pb.
 

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Thanks for the comments everyone. He is still helping out financially and yes I do work outside the home. I'm certainly filing for divorce and I will not take him back.
Strategically speaking for you, in order to maintain his 'nice guy' image he won't publicly leave you high and dry. But it's likely he will try to make a move on you sexually one way or the other, because of the allure of manipulation. Just don't get pregnant (and protect yourself from std's) if you find yourself in a weak moment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Hell would have to freeze over before I would have a weak moment with him. Honestly, I don't think he would ever try it anyway or ever even try to get me back. I think he's too selfish and arrogant.
 

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Wow, HNU -- you nailed STBXH. Except that this time, what he hasn't realized is that she's also a proven cheater who's now manipulating him as well. Watching them will be interesting entertainment, now that the soul-crushing part is behind me.
 

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Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place. I've posted a couple time before. Married 10 years, husband cheated 6 months into the marriage but I loved him and he showed remorse so we worked through it. I thought everything was fine. We have 4 year old twin boys. Fast forward to Sept. 2012, He told me he was unhappy and wasn't sure we were going to work out. Then in Oct. 2012 I find out he's been having an affair since May 2012 with a 23 year old who has a boyfriend. My husband is 50 and I'm 42. He moved out in November. Now it's Jan. and I find out he's already started a relationship with another 20 something who has a little boy. When he's been spending time with our boys he's been meeting up with her and they'll been all going out to eat, etc. WTF?
What is this serial cheater, sex addict, midlife crisis, mental breakdown, all of the above?
I am new to this forum, so I hope that I am doing this correctly. I am going through a separation right now, and I am trying to meet people and make some friends. My husband seems to have all the friends standing by him.
Sorry to hear about your marraige. Your husband sounds like he will cheat no matter what. My husband is 55 and he decided to live with another woman after we were married for 27 years. It makes me wonder if he forgot the vows he made when we were married.
If you like to post me, you can send me a post to:
pebbles60 (on this forum)
[email protected] (my email)
I have to learn this forum and how it works, but I would like to hear from you.
 
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