So, I've been doing the parts of the 180 that I could. My H seemed to take this as my acceptance of his actions. Still has shown no remorse, almost seems to be acting ****y and somewhat mean, even for him. Although I have not been able to find a job yet (super frustrating) I think this weekend and yesterday pushed me to my limit. H has been working a cash job in addition to his regular job just during the holiday season. Due to my lack of work, I really appreciate that he is doing this but it was his choice and something that he's done for several years during the holidays because he enjoys it. Both Friday and Saturday nights, he found an excuse to go to his full-time workplace after the cash job (the OW is there) but didn't tell me until after he had done so. Yesterday he called to "let me know" that he was going to his full-time workplace after cash job to have a drink with his boss (who is a 25 year old woman and my H will be 50 next year). I asked him not to go out there again. He basically said he deserved to go because of how many hours he's been working and that he was going whether I wanted him to or not. Such a double standard! When I thought of all the years that I worked extra hours, longer hours, made a lot more money than he did, helped support him and his daughters (who I love as if they were mine) that was it. I never once went out for drinks after work without him or with a member of the opposite sex. I sent him a message that said, drink as much as you want, stay out as long as you want with whoever you want. Then I proceeded to start making a list of what I need to do to begin separating our lives. When he eventually came home, he saw the copy of our lease and asked why I had it out. I asked him if we weren't together if he would keep the apartment. He got very angry and sarcastic. What does he expect? I pretty much just feel used at this point.
At least, thanks to TAM, I am able to sit and write this without crying or shaking in anger.:smthumbup: