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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
1 Year, 2 Months, 3 Hours, 17 Minutes, 51 Seconds, 107 Milliseconds ago he told me he cheated on me. Backstory is in my signature..and more of my story scattered throughout TAMS...

I honestly think I handled it better the few months after I found out then I am now. Now, the only time I am not overwhelmed with complete disgust and hate for him is when I am with him. But the second I set foot out of the door and he is not with me, I HATE him. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live another day with a man that hurt me so much.
But then, the second I talk to him on the phone or when I get home from work, I feel better again.

It is sick and emotionally exhausting. He isn't doing anything anymore. Has not attempted to cheat in almost a year to the day. The last screwed up thing he did was contact her last April to apologize for giving her an STD scare...WTF!!!!:mad:

But, really damage done. Doesn't really matter if he tried something else again tomorrow...I am not feeling better now. I am not over any of it. Time hasn't made it any better.

He says things like "If you keep bringng it up, we are going to have a problem." and "If you keep calling me a cheater, I might as well go be one again."

However sorry he acted when he first told me, has long vanished. Now he is sick of hearing it, blames my emotional blow ups about it strictly on me pmsing.

I am in love with him..or the person I fell inlove with intially, but he is gone. Sometimes I see glimmers of him and other times I just see a selfish @sshole.

I still don't understand why sex with that tramp was worth the cost of my pain? How can someone knowing hurt someone that loves them? See...I am still asking myself the same questions now that I did when I first found out.

I wish I could give hope to people to have found out their spouses have cheated in the last year...but I can't. It's still feels like the same Infidelity Mack Truck is running me over on a daily basis.

I am as closer to being ready to leave him...just waiting for that one last push.
 

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hi lisa, hope your feeling a little bit better and stronger, i am in a similar situation as yourself i love or maybe loved my husband more than anything also trusted him 100pc, his affair and leaving-coming back , leaving again on numerous occasions i think eventually destroys any feelings you had or still have for your husband, the respect and trust is gone, its like someone you knew is now a stranger to you, i like you love/hate/hate/love this person sometimes both at the same time, still living together in r, a joke that is for me personally, at the stage im in now is like ...go away you buck stranger i dont know you and i think you maybe are at that as well, i think if you and i both got a little push we would be gone, actually its sounds like just a matter of time before you leave to me, i hope things work out for you
god bless
 

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1 Year, 2 Months, 3 Hours, 17 Minutes, 51 Seconds, 107 Milliseconds ago he told me he cheated on me. Backstory is in my signature..and more of my story scattered throughout TAMS...

I honestly think I handled it better the few months after I found out then I am now. Now, the only time I am not overwhelmed with complete disgust and hate for him is when I am with him. But the second I set foot out of the door and he is not with me, I HATE him. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live another day with a man that hurt me so much.
But then, the second I talk to him on the phone or when I get home from work, I feel better again.

It is sick and emotionally exhausting. He isn't doing anything anymore. Has not attempted to cheat in almost a year to the day. The last screwed up thing he did was contact her last April to apologize for giving her an STD scare...WTF!!!!:mad:

But, really damage done. Doesn't really matter if he tried something else again tomorrow...I am not feeling better now. I am not over any of it. Time hasn't made it any better.

He says things like "If you keep bringng it up, we are going to have a problem." and "If you keep calling me a cheater, I might as well go be one again."

However sorry he acted when he first told me, has long vanished. Now he is sick of hearing it, blames my emotional blow ups about it strictly on me pmsing.

I am in love with him..or the person I fell inlove with intially, but he is gone. Sometimes I see glimmers of him and other times I just see a selfish @sshole.

I still don't understand why sex with that tramp was worth the cost of my pain? How can someone knowing hurt someone that loves them? See...I am still asking myself the same questions now that I did when I first found out.

I wish I could give hope to people to have found out their spouses have cheated in the last year...but I can't. It's still feels like the same Infidelity Mack Truck is running me over on a daily basis.

I am as closer to being ready to leave him...just waiting for that one last push.
You tried and thats all that matters. I told myself I couldnt leave until I had left no stone unturned....here I am still turning stones and theres not even a worm under them! ;)

Does he know how close you are to leaving?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I was contemplating leaving in September but I had this moment with him where he told me he loved me. I thought to myself that I didn't want to those words from anyone but him for the rest of my life. So I abandon the leaving idea. Keep trying to suck it up everyday.

I told him last night that I don't think I will ever stop hating him for cheating. His barely looked away from his phone and said "OK." I started crying again and he *****ed "What do you want me to say, I can't change anything."

No you can't...and I don't think you would if you could. F'ing b*stard. So close...wish I was stronger. Wish I didn't love him.
 

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It's a bit scary to see you like this, I can literally feel the pain.

Maybe you should finish the process of letting him go and get ready to divorce him. Doing this may bring you to a place, where you have "stomacked" the fact that you are with him, because you choose to be with him disregarded flaws and mistakes. Making the choice will make it possible for you to forgive yourself for being with him, and thereby forgive him for his actions.

Don't know if it makes any sense, but it has helped me to think this way. Not that I don't think about divorce anymore, but the level of confidence and clarity makes it easier to cope with.

Best wishes for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
That is exactly what staying has felt like sometimes...that I am stomaching it. I am forcing something down my throat and it is choking me every step of the way.

Those are the off days of the week. I feel okay on the even days.

I want him, but I don't. I don't want anyone else to have him...so I don't kick him out. If I am going to be miserable with what he has done, might as well make him miserable with me. It nearly impossible now for him to go out screwing around..or better yet, make him single which is what I think he really wants. He has no money of his own, no job and no car.

I feel like a massochist. Punishing myself by punishing him.

I feel crazy. I want to believe he has changed and he won't do this ever again...but I also don't care about the future because damage done!!
 

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Lisa, I think it's time to let him go, if not by physically moving on then certainly by emotionally separating from him.
Start implementing the 180, it will help you to protect your emotions and assist you in letting him go.

It doesn't sound like H is acting the way he should be if he truly wants to R with you. He should be doing all the heavy lifting here. A year out from Dday now, you should both be starting to move on and heal. It doesn't sound like that's happening!
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I feel like a massochist. Punishing myself by punishing him.

I feel crazy. I want to believe he has changed and he won't do this ever again...but I also don't care about the future because damage done!!
I have looked through this and some of your other threads you started.

Please don't give yourself a "Life Sentence of emotional pain" GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY.

I can guarantee you your children feel the tension in your home. They don't understand the words they hear, but their emotions feel them

They deserve a home without this. How much do you love those kids?
 

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I was contemplating leaving in September but I had this moment with him where he told me he loved me. I thought to myself that I didn't want to those words from anyone but him for the rest of my life. So I abandon the leaving idea. Keep trying to suck it up everyday.

I told him last night that I don't think I will ever stop hating him for cheating. His barely looked away from his phone and said "OK." I started crying again and he *****ed "What do you want me to say, I can't change anything."

No you can't...and I don't think you would if you could. F'ing b*stard. So close...wish I was stronger. Wish I didn't love him.
I seriously think I could be you! :(
 

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I dont think they realise how tight those demons hang on to us.

I feel for you honey.... I personally couldn't do it. I chose not to even try. Because I doubt I could trust again.

How to get past it? I would be detaching hardcore.

Let him see you indifferent..let him see you become whole without him.

Watch him then.


love strength and peace to you.
 

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1 Year, 2 Months, 3 Hours, 17 Minutes, 51 Seconds, 107 Milliseconds ago he told me he cheated on me. Backstory is in my signature..and more of my story scattered throughout TAMS...

I honestly think I handled it better the few months after I found out then I am now. Now, the only time I am not overwhelmed with complete disgust and hate for him is when I am with him. But the second I set foot out of the door and he is not with me, I HATE him. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live another day with a man that hurt me so much.
But then, the second I talk to him on the phone or when I get home from work, I feel better again.

It is sick and emotionally exhausting. He isn't doing anything anymore. Has not attempted to cheat in almost a year to the day. The last screwed up thing he did was contact her last April to apologize for giving her an STD scare...WTF!!!!:mad:

But, really damage done. Doesn't really matter if he tried something else again tomorrow...I am not feeling better now. I am not over any of it. Time hasn't made it any better.

He says things like "If you keep bringng it up, we are going to have a problem." and "If you keep calling me a cheater, I might as well go be one again."

However sorry he acted when he first told me, has long vanished. Now he is sick of hearing it, blames my emotional blow ups about it strictly on me pmsing.

I am in love with him..or the person I fell inlove with intially, but he is gone. Sometimes I see glimmers of him and other times I just see a selfish @sshole.

I still don't understand why sex with that tramp was worth the cost of my pain? How can someone knowing hurt someone that loves them? See...I am still asking myself the same questions now that I did when I first found out.

I wish I could give hope to people to have found out their spouses have cheated in the last year...but I can't. It's still feels like the same Infidelity Mack Truck is running me over on a daily basis.

I am as closer to being ready to leave him...just waiting for that one last push.
I feel for you!! I am in the same boat....1 year 3 months from DDay. I put my divorce on hold for the last 2 months and I just can't do it anymore. I had my last push when I asked him for the password to his moneygram account and he wouldn't give it to me. I wanted to match up the money he took out of his checking to the amount he said he sent to his parents out of the country. That was it for me!! I am done living with a liar, a cheat, and a self-absorbed a$$hole. I don't think there is such thing as Reconciliation!!! At least for me, as I will never ever trust him again. This last year of my life has been hell.

If he is making comments like ""If you keep bringng it up, we are going to have a problem." and "If you keep calling me a cheater, I might as well go be one again"...he is not remorseful. I'd think twice about staying. :(
 

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Lisa, You have to tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with still loving him, but leaving him because he does not love you. You are simply the better person here. That's it. A lot of us here, myself included, fell in love with people who were not good to us, and did not respect us back. Leave this person NOW, move on with your life, and will eventually find a good person to share your life with.
 

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We are 1 year and 2 weeks from Dday.... I still feel anger and hate. I don't like to say it, but I have told him. He is completely remorseful and has done the heavy lifting, but I have changed. This experience has changed me and how I feel about myself when I am with him. I have felt insecure before- but nothing like this. I have all the passwords to his accounts, but feel like I should not have to (and honestly don't want to) be checking. I never felt like I needed to before and I do not want to live feeling paranoid.
I love him and I know we can be happy, even happier than we were before- but that would be if we had just had a big fight and now we are making up. This is the one thing I always told myself and him (before we married) that I could NEVER get over. I know my personality, I know me. We have been married almost 16 years, have 3 children... but I am still young and have much life left to live. I just need to decide how I will feel living under this shadow.
Sorry but that b*tch used him, he was using her.... he chose that over me. I can't get past that. They are both active miliary, she wanted help building her career and he wanted attention while deployed. I think he had that young kid mentality- I would rather her give me attention than someone else. WTH????
I am over it in my head, but my heart won't let go. My mind keeps telling my heart to get over it and remember how it feels to be broken. This is the worst thing I could ever imagine and I am so sorry you are feeling so torn, I know what you are going through.
 

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'Now, the only time I am not overwhelmed with complete disgust and hate for him is when I am with him. But the second I set foot out of the door and he is not with me, I HATE him.'

Oh boy, do i recognize that statement. it's like when you are with them you remember why you love them, as soon as you are apart all the anger comes flooding back about what they are doing to you. i'm right with you.

Go, find a way to heal the hurt. But first stop the hurt. Leave. (and i guess i'm also talking to myself)
 

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Sorry... but I also think it is time to walk. You can't be responsible for what he did, and if you can't see yourself building a future what is the point? If you file, you could always back out but as of now, it seems like the appropriate decision.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thanks everyone...I shake my head at members here who are in bad situations like mine, sometimes worse and all I think is "Why are they still there."..well duh, same reason I am still here.

I have started therapy, not sure if I like the guy or not. I will say it has been a good week for me mentally. He has been good, attentive, affectionate. He has actually said "I'm sorry" on two occasions last week that I was very down about everything. He insists we will be okay because we do love eachother. A huge part of me believes him, but I still have my doubts. I will always have my doubts. Next week, I could be ready to pack his bags. Who knows.
 
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