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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello!

I have a situation that I would love advice on. I am currently going through a divorce and had moved out 8 months ago. We tried to fix things, but there was too much broken. We were married just over 10 years and have a daughter in elementary school. I don't expect any fights in the divorce as we both agree that we just need to move on and things are completely over between us.

The part that I am struggling with that has me looking for input is this: I never stopped having feeling for my high school sweetheart and we've been very good friends for about 15 years, (since we broke up). We talk about everything and always have. It turns out that he has feelings for me that are just as strong. We're just starting to date again and it feels like the part of me that has been missing is finally back. We haven't talked about our future other than to say that it would be wonderful to be together, we could see ourselves growing old together, but that we want to be sure to do things right this time.

I have always felt that people need to wait a while before jumping into a relationship after divorce, but this feels different because it isn't someone new to my life. This is the man that knows me better than anyone else, including my to-be-ex. So, given the circumstances, what do you think would be the wisest way to proceed in the matter of time frame? Not that we're there yet, but would it be inappropriate for us to be married within a year or less?
 

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I would say you need to wait a year from your divorce and at least another year before marrying.

You have viewed your relationship with your HSSH as 'greener grass' for so long I think you need to gain some perspective.
 

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I'd go out with him for a while before you decide to do anything. You may 'know' him already but you've just come together having been apart for a long time - no doubt it's all lovely and new and fresh and lustful and you wanna be together forevah....but wait. What's the rush anyway? Have some time to explore each other and be absolutely sure
 

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Go for it, but I would suggest you wait to actually marry. I made the mistake of marrying my first love in less than 5 months after we reunited...he divorced me in less than a year. Also there were a lot of things with his life that may have stopped me from marrying him had I known him better. So, be together, but give it time before you make it legal. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
thanks for the replies.

The divorce had nothing to do with the HSSH. The marriage had serious issues of its own that were beyond repair. Honestly, if it wasn't for our daughter, we probably would have divorced years ago - we were only sticking it out for her.

Although we have been friends all these years, we both moved on and have had our own lives. It hasn't been one of those "i wish i was still with him, or we should be together" situations. We've simply been best friends. We realized recently, (after I was separated), that we talk to each other first when something comes up and are closest to. After going out the other night, we ended up staying up all night talking and realized that we have very strong feelings for each other. We hadn't discussed it before and I've never really thought about it.

We haven't really been apart, we've just been only friends all these years. Even after we initially broke up, it wasn't that long that we didn't talk. We have always been in each others lives.
We had a good talk last night about the things that we each feel that we need to work on individually before we pursue anything together. We both have intense feelings, but we are going to take things slowly.

We're going to try going out on dates and adding romance into our friendship. We had assumed that because we have been best friends and adore each other that it only makes sense that we should get back together. I now know that we need to take things slowly. We may be right for each other, but we can't just jump into anything and I'm not going to worry about the time frame that it goes along.
 
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