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Discussion Starter #1
Does your wife have a friend she talks with on the phone about what a pric& she is married to?

My wife has a friend she talks with frequently....The gist of many if not most of these conversations is what an a$$hole their respective husbands are.

The girlfriend says her husband wants too much sex, and mine complains about how I don't do enough around the house.....

I am going to vent a bit, so here I go.....I am 66 years old, and had a motorcycle accident in 1969 that left me with a severe limp....

Last June the temp was 96, when she decided she just HAD to have a 30 x 4 foot flower bed in the back yard.....

Tilled it up with the tiller, put down 15 bags of top soil, planted shrubs, put down 15 bags of mulch...Had to dig the holes for the shrubs with a post hole digger due to the drought....

She straw bossed the whole time, and constantly complained about how many breaks I took, etc...

I told her I didn't feel all that well, but to no avail....

Drove her 250 miles to sisters the next day, 5 hour drive (she refuses to drive on the interstate)...

When I got there I started having back pain spent night in agony, went to walk in clinic, found I had a kidney stone (dislodged by the post hole diggger).....

Urinary tract infection, and blood glucose of 365...It took 28 days of IV antibiotics, and prostate surgery to clear the infection.

I left the hospital on insulin.

And when I want sex she says she resents me for not doing enough to help her around the house

Yea, I guess I did take a lot of breaks.....:mad:
 

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Did she hold a gun to your head when you planted her garden in that heat? Did she hold a knife to your neck when you dug the holes? Threaten you with bodily injury when you drove hundreds of miles on the interstate?

Learn how to say "no".

Saying "yes" isn't getting you anything anyway.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Did she hold a gun to your head when you planted her garden in that heat? Did she hold a knife to your neck when you dug the holes? Threaten you with bodily injury when you drove hundreds of miles on the interstate?

Learn how to say "no".

Saying "yes" isn't getting you anything anyway.
No, I have found that a full blown explosion followed by going MIA for a few hours will usually bring her into heat within 24 hours.

Two days ago I was on the recieving end of a 3 hour sexathon brought about by a huge blowup the previous day....

I would much rather bring her to bed with sweet talk and gentle wooing, but a "THIS $HIT HAS TO STOP" encounter is the only thing that is working right now.....

I am starting to think she actually likes the drama, even though she says no.
 

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I couldn't live like that. She likes the drama.
 

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No, I have found that a full blown explosion followed by going MIA for a few hours will usually bring her into heat within 24 hours.

Two days ago I was on the recieving end of a 3 hour sexathon brought about by a huge blowup the previous day....

I would much rather bring her to bed with sweet talk and gentle wooing, but a "THIS $HIT HAS TO STOP" encounter is the only thing that is working right now.....

I am starting to think she actually likes the drama, even though she says no.
Clearly the drama turns her on.

As for the friend thing, I have a few "associates" that sit around and diss their husbands. I was told that I come off as having the perfect marriage, just because I don't sit around and complaine about my H. Not to say I don't vent to a select few when needed. I'm just careful about what I say.

Never understood that mentality, if I complain about him all the time it's like I start to get upset about stuff instead of letting it go.
 

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A woman at work always talked crap on her husband. Every lunch period would be her mouth runnin about what an idiot he was. finally, one day, I looked at her, interrupted and said, "Well, you picked him."

If you have to talk trash about the man/woman you love, if that person is SUCH a moron/idiot...then what does that say about you? gawd. Stfu. So tasteless in my eyes.

Your wife seems to just use this drama for the passion it brings. don't feed into it...maybe it will stop.
 

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Your only mistake was after driving her the 250 miles, you should have dropped her off and turned right around for home.

We teach people how to treat us. As was less bluntly noted by posters above, your tolerance/acceptance of her behavior is a part of the problem

Good luck
 

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Does your wife have a friend she talks with on the phone about what a pric& she is married to?
If my wife was on the phone yapping to friends about what a pric*k I was, she wouldn't be my wife.

My wife has a friend she talks with frequently....The gist of many if not most of these conversations is what an a$$hole their respective husbands are.

The girlfriend says her husband wants too much sex, and mine complains about how I don't do enough around the house.....

I am going to vent a bit, so here I go.....I am 66 years old, and had a motorcycle accident in 1969 that left me with a severe limp....

Last June the temp was 96, when she decided she just HAD to have a 30 x 4 foot flower bed in the back yard.....

Tilled it up with the tiller, put down 15 bags of top soil, planted shrubs, put down 15 bags of mulch...Had to dig the holes for the shrubs with a post hole digger due to the drought....

She straw bossed the whole time, and constantly complained about how many breaks I took, etc...

I told her I didn't feel all that well, but to no avail....

Drove her 250 miles to sisters the next day, 5 hour drive (she refuses to drive on the interstate)...

When I got there I started having back pain spent night in agony, went to walk in clinic, found I had a kidney stone (dislodged by the post hole diggger).....

Urinary tract infection, and blood glucose of 365...It took 28 days of IV antibiotics, and prostate surgery to clear the infection.

I left the hospital on insulin.

And when I want sex she says she resents me for not doing enough to help her around the house

Yea, I guess I did take a lot of breaks.....:mad:
And after reading this, I see she shouldn't be your wife either.

Get a divorce.
 

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I don't subscribe to the do less mantra. You sound like a great man OP and if it is who you are to be a giver then don't change who you are.

Your wife on the other hand is a taker, a user.

Life is short, don't waste it on a person that does not love and respect you.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both have our faults, but she is a wonderful person. She has had my back through thick and thin, and I love her dearly.....

She just has this quirk where she equates how much physical labor I do for her with how much I love her....

If I am not willing to work till I drop, I am just being LAZY....And that is a cardinal sin in her book......

It's not like I sit on my a$$ all day, I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking......Take care of my dad, and drive her to her doctors appointments 3-4 times a month......

We have a big yard, and I cut all the grass. I stipulated that if she wanted flower beds she would have to mow around them with a push mower, and she does...(like I said before I have a bum leg)...

This week, I did ALL the grocery shopping for the hollidays. We are having family in, and I am going to smoke a turkey along with the one we do in the oven......

I fixed dinner tonight, and she did the cleanup. Tomorrow I will make the cornbread for the stuffing, make 5 pounds of potatos into potato salad, chop all the fixings for the dressing, do all the hand mixing, and get the smoker ready for the next day etc...

She will bake 3 pumpkin pies, and do the prep work for the deserts and side dishes, she will do all the cleanup......

Thanksgiving day I will get up at 6:00 to put the turkey on the smoker.......Fix breakfast for my dad (he is 96, lives with us and I am his primary caregiver), and help her get the big turkey into the oven. She will do the side dishes......after dinner she will do most of the cleanup.....

Sure the cleanup is tough, but It is not like I sit like a lump in front of the big screen.....but when she sees me on my laptop, I get the stink eye...I tell her that if she wants me to do more chores, make me a list of what she wants done.

I do this because if I don't have a list of chores they will have no end, and I like to know when I am finished.... She is infuriated when I ask for a list for that reason.

She is a perfectionist when it comes to housekeeping, and fusses way too much, she does all the laundry, and makes the beds every day. But when I offered to help, but she says I would not do things well enough........

I have never criticised her housekeeping, and am always telling her to take it easy and rest more.

Currently this is the biggest cause of conflict in our marriage....

Sure, I guess I could do more, but I honestly ladies, would you be satisfied with this kind of help from your husband?

I think I do more than lots of husbands, and for sure more than her girlfriends old man, who spends half of his time on hunting and fishing trips.....I retired July 2011 and have gone fishing (day trip) 4-5 times since then....
 

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I don't subscribe to the do less mantra. You sound like a great man OP and if it is who you are to be a giver then don't change who you are.

Your wife on the other hand is a taker, a user.

Life is short, don't waste it on a person that does not love and respect you.
Well some people who take and take and take really just want to be put in their place. What they really want is a strong partner that won't put up with this sort of BS.
 

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Well some people who take and take and take really just want to be put in their place. What they really want is a strong partner that won't put up with this sort of BS.
So she can justify her horrible behaviour yet the man that is actually being a decent person is the bad guy?
 

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My wife and I have been married for 46 years, and we both have our faults, but she is a wonderful person.
Nothing you're describing about this woman suggest "wonderful person".

Unless you have a radically different definition of "wonderful" that I'm not aware of.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Talk about mood swings, went into her room last night, lay down beside her and gave her a long back rub...She started pulling her bottoms off, indicating I should rub lower, wound up making out like teen agers, and having great sex.......

Woke up this morning feeling like a newlywed, started to test my blood suger...She had cleaned off my nightstand, and the lancet was missing....I asked her where it was, and we were off to the races....

I told her not to worry, I would buy a new one, but she went off about me accusing her of loosing it....It had been there for 10 weeks without walking off by its self!!!

Went into the kitchen and got breakfast ready for dad, made corn bread, chopped onions celery, green onions, bell pepper, sweet pickles, and peeled and chopped a dozen boiled eggs...

She had boiled the potatos, turkey giblets for the broth, and the eggs....She baked 3 pumpkin pies with frozen pie shells...

I made the potato salad, and cornbread stuffing. Now I have to feed dad his lunch, and get the smoker ready to do a 20 lb. turkey in the morning.

The whole time she filled the air with a steady stream of negativity about tomorrows company, what a downer the hollidays were, and how I had ruined her with overwork throught our marriage.

Then she put the potato salad and the stuffing in the fridge, cleaned up the work area, made a few cracks about how I would probably spend the rest of the say on the computer, and went for a lie down in her bedroom.......

Ya know somehow turkey day is starting to loose it's sparkle for me too...

Let me say in her defense, she has gone through a horrible three years during wich 2 of her sisters came down with cancer, and eventually died...The last one in August.

The constant phone calls from her family (we live 250 miles away) took a horrible physical and mental toll on her.....

She would talk for hours with her dying sister, and then get more hours of blow by blow details from her other relatives...

Two weeks before her death her sister was physically assaulted by her drug addict son trying to get her car keys so he could sell it for dope...

This was all conveyed to my wife in graphic detail by her family, like she could do something to make it stop from 250 miles away...

I know I can't bring her sisters back, but I am always here for her, and during their illnesses offered to drive her up there any time she wanted....When we went there I would sit up overnight in her sisters hospital room so the family could catch a break and get some rest....

I had feelings for both her sisters, and they liked it when I sat up with them, and the rest of the family was glad for a break....

So, maby I am a lazy pric$ but I do have a heart, and try to make life easier for others.

Got to get off now, It's time for dads lunch....
 

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Discussion Starter #18
She took your lancet?

Wow! Never thought anyone would stoop so low as to steal someone else's lancet.

One question..

What's a lancet?
Well, if you are diabetic, it's that little thing you stab into your flesh 4 times a day to draw enough blood to test your blood glucose.......

And no she didn't steal it, she just has no respect for my things, and pays absolutely no attention to where she tosses them......

I am constantly telling her "If you don't know what something is, don't move it.
 

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And no she didn't steal it, she just has no respect for my things, and pays absolutely no attention to where she tosses them....
I googled it.

It's a small sharp surgical tool designed for making incisions in the human body.

Maybe she took it for more sinister purposes?
 

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So she can justify her horrible behaviour yet the man that is actually being a decent person is the bad guy?
No. She is not owed him doing things for her? She has no right to them and him doing them is by his choice.

By stopping these actions, he is aligning his actions with his words. Right now he is teaching her that if she treats him badly, he will do nice things for her. He is also communicating that although he says he does not like when she acts this way, he really is fine with it because nothing he does actually changes. There is a reason for the saying "actions speak louder than words."

Finally, stepping back helps avoid resentment, which is pretty prevelant in the OP. He does this work and sounds pretty resentful over how he is treated. By stepping back, he can restore a bit of balance in the relationship.

The key is being honest about why you are not doing the things.
 
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