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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello,
I am new to this forum but have found it to be extremely informative as to issues dealing with relationships, etc. Without going into a lot of details, at present, I would like to direct this question to the married men on this forum. Why would a husband continue to advocate medication for his spouse, or anyone for that matter & not attempt, nor comprehend, the various dynamics involved, which may contribute to her not being so not "happy go lucky, etc.? Wouldn't one want to understand & be receptive to the "why's" & so on....which may reflect in the relationship & interaction, etc., especially given the past year? I welcome female input as well.....thank you!
 

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Honestly it’s because men are simple. I’m not interested in all the how’s, why’s, ifs, what if’s, and all that other junk and it’s complex intanglment and effects on my relationship. If as a woman you aren’t willing to tell me directly what you want and how you fell then I absolutely have no desire to try and figure out for you that which you won’t verbally announce on your own (unless we are in the middle of [email protected])
 

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You are your own best advocate and know best how a medication affects you, as this is something that directly affects you; it's indirect or seemingly inconsequential for him. If you have concerns, you need to state them clearly. Now, if my wife were unable to do the research needed to understand the complex drug interactions, etc., I'd do it for her and be her advocate - but only if really necessary. I might rely on the doctor to inform me - and I would ask questions (we go with each other to appointments where we may need help understanding, remembering, or advocating for each other).
 
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What are "the various dynamics involved" in taking a medication? Are you saying that you're taking a mediation with side effects that negatively impact your husband? Your post may not have enough information to provide you with a meaningful answer.
 

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From my perspective: perhaps the issues the wife is dealing with and the behaviors they manifest are hurtful to the husband to a degree that the wife doesn't comprehend. Perhaps the husband hopes that the wife will be easier to live with, more loving, less angry and volatile, more considerate, and the household they share will be less stressful. Perhaps the husband sees the wife's lack of willingness to take the medication as an indication she doesn't value her relationship with him. All of these are speculative for your situation, of course, but they fit with my own reality.
 

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Hello,
I am new to this forum but have found it to be extremely informative as to issues dealing with relationships, etc. Without going into a lot of details, at present, I would like to direct this question to the married men on this forum. Why would a husband continue to advocate medication for his spouse, or anyone for that matter & not attempt, nor comprehend, the various dynamics involved, which may contribute to her not being so not "happy go lucky, etc.? Wouldn't one want to understand & be receptive to the "why's" & so on....which may reflect in the relationship & interaction, etc., especially given the past year? I welcome female input as well.....thank you!
Honestly the only reason I can think of is, from his perspective the alternative is worse in some way. If it's medication for you, you should be open to the possibility that your perception might not be the most objective.

Most men are bottom line type people, which is a good thing, you should see that side of your husband as a kind of check, meaning you don't have to agree but he my have a perception of the situation that you just don't see and can be useful information that you can use in your decision making process. I know my wife is that for me, often in the opposite way. The point is not to be right but to make the correct decision. You have a better life that way, it is also a good way to build a marriage. I would look at his advice in this way, does he generally give you good practical advice? If so maybe he is doing so here too.

I might bring this all up with your doctor, including his concerns, even if you decide to go forward, I might talk to my doctor about paying close attention to those concerns and being willing to act on them if they turn out to be true. Finally after you do that you can sell your husband on the idea in the context of your at least addressing his concern.

A good thing to always remember is, you are not always the most objective a narrator of your own life. That's normal, that is why you need assertive honest friends whose eyes you can look through, if you get my meaning.

Seriously it takes humbling yourself but let go the idea that you always know what's best and really use all the information you can to make the best decision. You will have a greater amount of success.

A little secret is, no one cares if you were the one with the best perception of the situation, they only care about the outcome.
 

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Not sure I fully understand the question without more context. Maybe, as some of the "sisterhood" here say, I am a simple being.
 
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I would much prefer a non-medicated spouse if at all possible. But sometimes it isn’t. The main issue with meds, from personal experience with my wife, is that you can’t tell what’s personality and what’s caused by the meds. If there’s an underlying cause, an experience or childhood issue that’s at the root of things, I’d rather see that addressed first, meds if that’s not successful.

But not sure if that’s what you’re looking for?
 

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Why would a husband continue to advocate medication for his spouse, or anyone for that matter & not attempt, nor comprehend, the various dynamics involved, which may contribute to her not being so not "happy go lucky, etc.? Wouldn't one want to understand & be receptive to the "why's" & so on....which may reflect in the relationship & interaction, etc., especially given the past year?
I can infer what you are saying, but my response can merely be speculative. Could you give concrete examples of what is going on in this situation?

For all I know, the medication is for bipolar disorder or paranoid schizophrenia. OTOH it could be for mild depression or anxiety. Without that type of information, and some solid background, I can't respond. BTW, I'm a woman.
 

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Need to know more about it. If my wife has medical issues she doesn’t want to treat and it’s affecting our marriage then I have an opinion.

If she’s up in the middle of the night in pain I’m either taking her to the emergency room or staying up watching her. She can pick one or the other but if it turns south I’m taking her in.
 

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Medication issues are between a doctor and patient. After all, there are many years of study invested and there’s a good reason why doctor usually knows best - they did the hard yards to be able to prescribe them.

Now if a spouse believes they know more than a doctor, and genuinely care for their spouse (above themselves, because after all they have the benefit of great health and don’t need medication), they should come along to appointments and Discuss these concerns in front of their partner.

Isn’t that the mature and responsible way to do things?
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
You are your own best advocate and know best how a medication affects you, as this is something that directly affects you; it's indirect or seemingly inconsequential for him. If you have concerns, you need to state them clearly. Now, if my wife were unable to do the research needed to understand the complex drug interactions, etc., I'd do it for her and be her advocate - but only if really necessary. I might rely on the doctor to inform me - and I would ask questions (we go with each other to appointments where we may need help understanding, remembering, or advocating for each other).
Thank you for your response !
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Need to know more about it. If my wife has medical issues she doesn’t want to treat and it’s affecting our marriage then I have an opinion.

If she’s up in the middle of the night in pain I’m either taking her to the emergency room or staying up watching her. She can pick one or the other but if it turns south I’m taking her in.
Understand your position.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Discussion Starter · #17 · a moment ago

ccpowerslave said:
Need to know more about it. If my wife has medical issues she doesn’t want to treat and it’s affecting our marriage then I have an opinion.

If she’s up in the middle of the night in pain I’m either taking her to the emergency room or staying up watching her. She can pick one or the other but if it turns south I’m taking her in.
Understand your position.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Hello,
I am new to this forum but have found it to be extremely informative as to issues dealing with relationships, etc. Without going into a lot of details, at present, I would like to direct this question to the married men on this forum. Why would a husband continue to advocate medication for his spouse, or anyone for that matter & not attempt, nor comprehend, the various dynamics involved, which may contribute to her not being so not "happy go lucky, etc.? Wouldn't one want to understand & be receptive to the "why's" & so on....which may reflect in the relationship & interaction, etc., especially given the past year? I welcome female input as well.....thank you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I really appreciate the responses from everyone. Further, I will be more than transparent with why I posed the question if there are those that are really interested & care. Ours is a complex dynamic & it would really take alot of writing to truly address why I asked the question. Perhaps if I detailed the reason why it would help another. I will share that we have been married 16y, a blended family of what was once 7, now 6, because my husband's 20y old son took his life in 2014. We also have a daughter, mine, who is 37y of age who is disabled and resides with us. There is really so much involved. His background growing up is Ozzie & Harriett, mine not so much. I have been in counseling on / off for a couple of years & diagnosed with situational depression. I have been on meds but I do not need medicinal means to obtain the optimal happiness that we all achieve to acquire. I have been a full-time caregiver to my daughter since I was 17y of age. Many molestations occurred in my childhood, in addition to an eating disorder, years ago, although never really goes away, which most, not all, men fail to realize is a control thing. Our marriage has been extremely difficult due to the blended family dynamic, a not so good relationship with his ex-wife, his parents residing with us & the obvious death of my stepson. We married in 2015, as a christian couple & were involved with many ministries in church. Church can be anywhere you make it.
To make a long story short....in the past year, my husband is now a devout athiest, in addition to other life changing events. He is an extremely intelligent man...a go getter, however, self absorbed. His children are all athiest, however, this has caused a great division in our family with regard to my youngest daughter, who is 33, and adored him, although, now she wants no longer to have anything to do with him. I could go on....I am a simple woman who just craves peace & my life has been turned upside down in the midst of the events of the past year....My husband is a good man but has changed in many ways. And he believes that I need to be on meds! I do not think it is appropriate for a spouse to advocate medication when he is the one that probably needs the meds. I cannot accept responsibility for everything that is not so right with our relationship & the world for that matter. Thanks for the input...
 
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