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I recently met with a counselor (IC, my first time) and showed him my list of questions that I gave my wife (PA 6-7 years ago, D-Day a month ago). His response was don't ask if the answer is not going to help you. I don't know if they will help, if I want to know the answers to all, or what. Here is the list, what do you think?
How did it move from friends to lovers?
Was there a “turning point?” An event that caused the change or was it just time?
Are you or is he more responsible for moving in that direction?
Who was the aggressor? Both in general relationship and sex.
How many times?
Locations? (Specific. Not just “his house” or “our house” but where!)
When was the first and when was the last?
Details: ugh…..
What discussions did you have with him about the affair? The emotional side? The physical side?
How did it end? Just fizzle out? Who ended it? Did you say “I love you but…”
Did you ever tell him that you choose me over him?
How did I weigh in the decision to stop the affair?
Did you tell each other “I love you?”
Who else knows? Obviously you two, me, ******. Anyone else?
Did you suffer from withdrawals after the affair ended?
How close were you to divorcing me? Did you think about it then?
You met with a counselor a while ago. What did you discuss with her? When was it? How many times?
When and where have you seen him since the affair ended?
Have you talked to him since the affair?
How did it move from friends to lovers?
Was there a “turning point?” An event that caused the change or was it just time?
Are you or is he more responsible for moving in that direction?
Who was the aggressor? Both in general relationship and sex.
How many times?
Locations? (Specific. Not just “his house” or “our house” but where!)
When was the first and when was the last?
Details: ugh…..
What discussions did you have with him about the affair? The emotional side? The physical side?
How did it end? Just fizzle out? Who ended it? Did you say “I love you but…”
Did you ever tell him that you choose me over him?
How did I weigh in the decision to stop the affair?
Did you tell each other “I love you?”
Who else knows? Obviously you two, me, ******. Anyone else?
Did you suffer from withdrawals after the affair ended?
How close were you to divorcing me? Did you think about it then?
You met with a counselor a while ago. What did you discuss with her? When was it? How many times?
When and where have you seen him since the affair ended?
Have you talked to him since the affair?