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@corneileous

Important question here?

Is she asking for a pre-nup that specifies that the house is her separate property and that any marital income/assets used to pay the mortgage and/or do maintenance on the property does not constitute mingling her private asset with marital assets?
 

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@corneileous, how did the two of you start all this? What was said at the beginning?
Maybe I am in the wrong for seeing this like this before we tie the knot but either way, I still just can’t get over the fact that I’m having to pay for half of her house payment in the form of rent when what I’ve tried to say all along is I would never do that to her.
But you've been doing this for four years.

Your choices are to stay, and let it go, or move out.

Personally, I don't see this going well for the two of you.

She doesn't want to share property with you. She's told you you're free to leave.

From a distance, it seems dysfunctional. 😔
 

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@corneileous

Important question here?

Is she asking for a pre-nup that specifies that the house is her separate property and that any marital income/assets used to pay the mortgage and/or do maintenance on the property does not constitute mingling her private asset with marital assets?
She should.
 

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So, even before and even after we get married, you think she’s in the right by expecting me to pay half her house payment along with my half of the other expenses in the household?….hmm.
Which obviously, all together would be much less than you renting, wouldn't it be?

Moreover, the amount of her monthly mortgage, has nothing to do with what you're paying for rent. She could be paying $0.00 dollars, and still she can charge you what she wants. Is up to you whether to accept it or not. Once again, you're still paying less than what renting would cost you.
 

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Which obviously, all together would be much less than you renting, wouldn't it be?

Moreover, the amount of her monthly mortgage, has nothing to do with what you're paying for rent. She could be paying $0.00 dollars, and still she can charge you what she wants. Is up to you whether to accept it or not. Once again, you're still paying less than what renting would cost you.
For some reason it appears like OP believes he is entitled to live rent free. That boggles the mind.
 

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That is what the men who have more assets than their partners are advised to do - protect them, keep them separate so she can't touch them.
And I understand that. I really do.

When I go to bed at night, I know what's in my bank accounts, and I know approximately 😅 what's in my investment accounts.

It's a relief not to have to worry about anyone else's decisions. That's one of the many reasons I'm content single.
 

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Discussion Starter · #168 ·
Well, without reading any more of the replies since this is a pretty hot topic, I guess it’s all good now because I just got off the phone with her and for the most part it was civil. There was a couple times it got a little heated but even after we do get married, I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be because she told me that even in her last marriage before they bought the house they had together before they got divorced, she moved in with him and she paid half of his house payment so I guess that’s just how it supposed to be because what she’s worried about and the reason why she doesn’t want to have my name on her house even after marriage is because being that nothing is certain, if anything was ever to happen between us, she doesn’t want to have to hire a lawyer to get my name off her house and pay me half of it, and then have to start all over again which, that part I can understand but I told her what I don’t understand is the fact that for you to have that security, this comes at my expense because if I stay with you long enough, your house will be paid for and I will have paid close to half of it for you but if something happens and I have to walk away it’s like, well have a good life. Be happy that I paid half your house off for you and I don’t get nothing out of it.

I really wanted to tell her that if we bought a house together, what she incredibly doesn’t want to happen would happen anyway but I guess she’s OK with the fact of having to give me half if we bought a house together but because she already had this house before I came into the picture, it’s all the sudden just not gonna happen that way because it’s all in her advantage because she already had the house before I came in. So I guess there’s really nothing left to discuss because if I have a problem with this then I need to just leave and I guess as long as we never have problems and stay together until our dying days, it won’t matter anyways that I paid off close to half her house.
 

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I guess this is the proper forum for this question but AnyWho, as the title says, I’m just curious about the proper way to split bills between one another and primarily what my question is, I got engaged to a girl who already owns her own house that she’s making payments on and I’m just curious what your guy’s opinion is on her expecting me to pay for half of her house payment when she’s already explicitly spelled it out that the house will never be mine and that it is hers which means I also don’t have any say about what happens with the house what we do with it, unless she agrees with it of course but as far as how the house is decorated or what color the walls are, I really don’t care but I don’t know, please correct me if I’m wrong for feeling like being that it’s not my house and that it will never be my house why I should be ok with half the house payment as mine.

I love this girl a lot but it’s kind of starting to make me feel like I’m just renting the place except I am in a romantic relationship with the landlord and live under the same roof.

I keep telling her that my goal is not to take her house away from her, even in the event of a divorce if that ever happens but still, on the same token, it’s kind of hard to make it feel like it’s my place because although she says she’s sharing it with me but, it’s still not my house.

Granted, I realize that if I was renting my own place, the only money that I would ever get back if I moved out would be my security deposit but is that how this is supposed to be, I’m basically renting what I’m having to pay half for each month? Whenever we talk… Or should I say argue about this, she gets frustrated at me and doesn’t understand why I can’t understand this is how it has to be and that this is me paying to live there when I’m already paying half the bills with her among other things. I’ve bought stuff for her house, I’m supplying the Netflix, the Hulu live and the Amazon prime, even buy groceries a lot of the times as well so as far as I’m concerned, I’m paying my fair share I guess I’m just asking for advice and opinions on if Im wrong in thinking I shouldn’t be paying for half of a house payment on a house that’ll never be mine. Thanks.
Once you get married and you put money for the mortgage, the house becomes community property; she's not going to have a choice in the matter, unless you are dumb enough o sign a prenup and still pay for the house.
 

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Well, without reading any more of the replies since this is a pretty hot topic, I guess it’s all good now because I just got off the phone with her and for the most part it was civil. There was a couple times it got a little heated but even after we do get married, I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be because she told me that even in her last marriage before they bought the house they had together before they got divorced, she moved in with him and she paid half of his house payment so I guess that’s just how it supposed to be because what she’s worried about and the reason why she doesn’t want to have my name on her house even after marriage is because being that nothing is certain, if anything was ever to happen between us, she doesn’t want to have to hire a lawyer to get my name off her house and pay me half of it, and then have to start all over again which, that part I can understand but I told her what I don’t understand is the fact that for you to have that security, this comes at my expense because if I stay with you long enough, your house will be paid for and I will have paid close to half of it for you but if something happens and I have to walk away it’s like, well have a good life. Be happy that I paid half your house off for you and I don’t get nothing out of it.

I really wanted to tell her that if we bought a house together, what she incredibly doesn’t want to happen would happen anyway but I guess she’s OK with the fact of having to give me half if we bought a house together but because she already had this house before I came into the picture, it’s all the sudden just not gonna happen that way because it’s all in her advantage because she already had the house before I came in. So I guess there’s really nothing left to discuss because if I have a problem with this then I need to just leave and I guess as long as we never have problems and stay together until our dying days, it won’t matter anyways that I paid off close to half her house.
Now you get it.

I do suggest take this time in your life to get your finances squared away and you buy you an investment property to have so you can have true freedom. She'll respect this action and it will improve your relationship.
 

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Sounds like you (or your fiancee) might benefit from some of the advice provided in this other thread, in general you should always protect your assets when going into a marriage

 

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Once you get married and you put money for the mortgage, the house becomes community property; she's not going to have a choice in the matter, unless you are dumb enough o sign a prenup and still pay for the house.
She can ask him to sign an inter-spousal transfer deed (with proper transmutation clause). Or maybe not, it appears both OP and fiancee need some education on community property and transmutation.
 

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You aren't entitled to that house even if you WERE married. It's hers. She bought it before marriage. Even if she married you, it's still hers.
Wrong.

The equity at time of marriage is a premarital asset, his contributions post marriage counts as postmarital.

The house isn't hers 😀. There is a mortgage. She has equity and the bank also owns it. It's not paid off.

Actually the whole argument might be moot. Check out the state statutes around property and marriage. I do believe there is a good chance that on the deed or not, if that are married and he's paying half the mortgage, that postmariral equity is half
HIS.
 

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Wrong.

The equity at time of marriage is a premarital asset, his contributions post marriage counts as postmarital.

The house isn't hers 😀. There is a mortgage. She has equity and the bank also owns it. It's not paid off.

Actually the whole argument might be moot. Check out the state statutes around property and marriage. I do believe there is a good chance that on the deed or not, if that are married and he's paying half the mortgage, that postmariral equity is half
HIS.
Spot on, his name on the deed has no bearing on how the property is split in case of divorce. His fiancee is clueless if she thinks having the title makes it separate property
 

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Discussion Starter · #176 ·
The fact you even asked this question is enough for her to not move forward. Have you ever been self sufficient?
What kind of question is that? I guess I just don’t see the difference in buying a house together and co-owing it but if she already had the house and I offer to help her pay it off and get partial ownership is just outta your realm of making sense, huh?
 

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What kind of question is that? I guess I just don’t see the difference in buying a house together and co-owing it but if she already had the house and I offer to help her pay it off and get partial ownership is just outta your realm of making sense, huh?
It's out of the realm of making sense period.

Have you ever been self sufficient, owned a house, lived on your own for a goodly amount of time?
 

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Discussion Starter · #178 ·
Which obviously, all together would be much less than you renting, wouldn't it be?

Moreover, the amount of her monthly mortgage, has nothing to do with what you're paying for rent. She could be paying $0.00 dollars, and still she can charge you what she wants. Is up to you whether to accept it or not. Once again, you're still paying less than what renting would cost you.
True but it’s not really the fact that I’ve been making half her house payments for the last almost 4 years; it’s the fact that even after we do get married, I’m still being expected to pay half her house off for her and not have a dime to show for it but, if we were to buy a house together, then I would but all the sudden because she already had this house, it’s OK to make me pay for half of it and not have anything to show for it. But it’s cool. Thankfully it wasn’t a very expensive house and as long as I stay with her for the rest of my life, I won’t have anything to worry about it anyways.
 

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Discussion Starter · #179 ·
It's out of the realm of making sense period.

Have you ever been self sufficient, owned a house, lived on your own for a goodly amount of time?
Of course I’ve been self-sufficient. I’ve never owned my own home and quite frankly I don’t know why that even matters but as far as living on my own, I haven’t all that much and again, what’s the relevance to whether I have or haven’t? The fact that I haven’t spent a whole lotta time by myself and that I’ve never owned my own home doesn’t have anything to do with this conversation. And as a matter of fact, I would really like to co-own this house with my soon to be wife and even help her pay it off but because of her insecurities of not having to start over again if something happens, just because she has the luxury of already owning her own home before I came into the picture, that’s never gonna happen.
 

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Discussion Starter · #180 ·
@corneileous, how did the two of you start all this? What was said at the beginning?


But you've been doing this for four years.

Your choices are to stay, and let it go, or move out.

Personally, I don't see this going well for the two of you.

She doesn't want to share property with you. She's told you you're free to leave.

From a distance, it seems dysfunctional. 😔
Well maybe from yours and some other peoples perspectives, it may seem a little dysfunctional but I guess what I’ve come to realize is I’m probably not the only person that has gotten with somebody who owns their own home previously and had to pay half of that other person‘s house payment and be totally fine with it.
 
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