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Discussion Starter · #181 ·
@corneileous, how did the two of you start all this? What was said at the beginning?


But you've been doing this for four years.

Your choices are to stay, and let it go, or move out.

Personally, I don't see this going well for the two of you.

She doesn't want to share property with you. She's told you you're free to leave.

From a distance, it seems dysfunctional. 😔

Well maybe from yours and some other peoples perspectives, it may seem a little dysfunctional but I guess what I’ve come to realize is I’m probably not the only person that has gotten with somebody who owns their own home previously and had to pay half of that other person‘s house payment and be totally fine with it.
 

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Spot on, his name on the deed has no bearing on how the property is split in case of divorce. His fiancee is clueless if she thinks having the title makes it separate property

I'm not a lawyer, but if she keeps everything separated, by putting the house in a trust for her kids. Whatever he pays her will not be considered paying towards a mortgage, but living there rent/expenses, so it would do matter how she protects the property before marriage.
 

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Well maybe from yours and some other peoples perspectives, it may seem a little dysfunctional but I guess what I’ve come to realize is I’m probably not the only person that has gotten with somebody who owns their own home previously and had to pay half of that other person‘s house payment and be totally fine with it.
I don't know how this began with the two of you, but you didn't have to - you chose to. And you kept on doing it for four years.

You're not a victim.

And according to a couple of the other posts, you may very well have legal rights. I have no clue. You'd need to talk to a lawyer. Better now than later.
 

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@corneileous

Important question here?

Is she asking for a pre-nup that specifies that the house is her separate property and that any marital income/assets used to pay the mortgage and/or do maintenance on the property does not constitute mingling her private asset with marital assets?

A lot of the info you are getting here is not necessarily so. If there is no pre-nup that clearly states that the house remains her sole property, and marital income (that means your income and hers) is used to pay the mortgage, the house becomes community property. If there is ever a divorce, if she has very very good records, she could argue that her down payment and the equity at the time of marriage is hers, but that any equity that builds after marriage is community property and you get 50% of it.

You really need to talk to a lawyer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #185 ·
For some reason it appears like OP believes he is entitled to live rent free. That boggles the mind.
If the tables were turned, I wouldn’t charge her rent. If I had that house… or well, let me start this way; if that was my house and she moved in with me, I’d make her pay for half the utilities and such but especially… If I had every intentions of making it clear that if anything ever happens to us even after we get hitched, this is my house, I wouldn’t make her pay for half of my house payment. Am I wrong for feeling that way?
 

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Discussion Starter · #186 ·
I don't know how this began with the two of you, but you didn't have to - you chose to. And you kept on doing it for four years.
Egh, not necessarily, I just never did pay full attention when she broke it down telling me when I moved in there how much I was gonna have to pay her every month and when we were talking about this the other day about a possible increase because certain things have gone up, that’s when I guess I made the mistake about pointing out that part of what I’m paying her every month is going to pay for half her house payment so that’s how it started.
You're not a victim.
I never said I was and I don’t claim to be so I don’t know where that came from.

And according to a couple of the other posts, you may very well have legal rights. I have no clue. You'd need to talk to a lawyer. Better now than later.
I don’t know, maybe I do but what good is it going to do me because if I go talk to a lawyer behind her back and then tell her about it, I probably just sealed my fate anyway and might have to walk out whether I want to or not but, it’s only money right? As long as I stay with her, I’ll have nothing to worry about. Like I said, she only financed about $55,000 and with my help, whatever that number is that I’ve paid, she’s about $12,000 less than what she financed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #187 ·
@corneileous

Important question here?

Is she asking for a pre-nup that specifies that the house is her separate property and that any marital income/assets used to pay the mortgage and/or do maintenance on the property does not constitute mingling her private asset with marital assets?

A lot of the info you are getting here is not necessarily so. If there is no pre-nup that clearly states that the house remains her sole property, and marital income (that means your income and hers) is used to pay the mortgage, the house becomes community property. If there is ever a divorce, if she has very very good records, she could argue that her down payment and the equity at the time of marriage is hers, but that any equity that builds after marriage is community property and you get 50% of it.

You really need to talk to a lawyer.
No prenup.

But if I do have rights and something happens, we ended up having to have a divorce that I guess we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there.
 

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Well, without reading any more of the replies since this is a pretty hot topic, I guess it’s all good now because I just got off the phone with her and for the most part it was civil. There was a couple times it got a little heated but even after we do get married, I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be because she told me that even in her last marriage before they bought the house they had together before they got divorced, she moved in with him and she paid half of his house payment so I guess that’s just how it supposed to be because what she’s worried about and the reason why she doesn’t want to have my name on her house even after marriage is because being that nothing is certain, if anything was ever to happen between us, she doesn’t want to have to hire a lawyer to get my name off her house and pay me half of it, and then have to start all over again which, that part I can understand but I told her what I don’t understand is the fact that for you to have that security, this comes at my expense because if I stay with you long enough, your house will be paid for and I will have paid close to half of it for you but if something happens and I have to walk away it’s like, well have a good life. Be happy that I paid half your house off for you and I don’t get nothing out of it.

I really wanted to tell her that if we bought a house together, what she incredibly doesn’t want to happen would happen anyway but I guess she’s OK with the fact of having to give me half if we bought a house together but because she already had this house before I came into the picture, it’s all the sudden just not gonna happen that way because it’s all in her advantage because she already had the house before I came in. So I guess there’s really nothing left to discuss because if I have a problem with this then I need to just leave and I guess as long as we never have problems and stay together until our dying days, it won’t matter anyways that I paid off close to half her house.
You'd be paying rent whether you're with her or not and it would be a LOT higher than this is. Your parents won't be there forever to live with. You need to live on your own for a year and support yourself and a place to live so you can understand the simple reality here. It costs money to live somewhere once you leave your parents' home.
 

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No prenup.

But if I do have rights and something happens, we ended up having to have a divorce that I guess we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there.
Anything that you buy together after you marry, like furniture, will be half yours. Unless she has all the receipts showing she's the one who made the purchases on her own. Because I got a feeling, you are going to be not wanting to pay your part, judging by this thread.
 

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You need to find out the laws in your state regarding premarital assets. You should have paid attention in the beginning when she explained how this would go because she definitely hasn’t changed her mind. The amount you’ve paid to date is history at this point since you aren’t married. It was the cost of living there for four years. You need to find out what will happen legally — not what you think should happen or she thinks should happen — with the house. If she discovers you get part she may decide not to marry you. If you discover you don’t get part you may decide not to marry her. Knowledge is always important but it’s especially important now and not waiting until there’s a problem — like divorce — to figure things out. My guess is you’re more invested in getting married than she is so you’re going to go into this with your eyes shut and then scream to the heavens that you’ve been robbed if it doesn’t work out.
 

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If the tables were turned, I wouldn’t charge her rent. If I had that house… or well, let me start this way; if that was my house and she moved in with me, I’d make her pay for half the utilities and such but especially… If I had every intentions of making it clear that if anything ever happens to us even after we get hitched, this is my house, I wouldn’t make her pay for half of my house payment. Am I wrong for feeling that way?
I would not matter if you 'charged her rent' if you were married. By law, anything that is paid with marital community assets become the property of both you and her.

The same goes for the house your fiancé owns. Once you are married, if any community assets/income are used to pay the mortage, you own 50% of the house.
 

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Discussion Starter · #192 ·
You'd be paying rent whether you're with her or not and it would be a LOT higher than this is. Your parents won't be there forever to live with. You need to live on your own for a year and support yourself and a place to live so you can understand the simple reality here. It costs money to live somewhere once you leave your parents' home.
I realize that but I guess what I’m saying is different here is that I’m not renting a house and if I was renting a house, I would be totally and completely free and clear of any kind of maintenance on the house but see, aside from helping to pay her house payment, I’ve been going above and beyond and paying for certain things that we’ve had to do to the house. Being that she stated several times that it’s her house and not mine, maybe I should stop that. Besides, she’s already told me that I don’t have to help with paying for stuff like that. She said she appreciates it when I do but she said I’m not required to pay for stuff that has to be done to the house so there is that at least but I don’t like having that attitude. I would really like to be a true team with this whole thing and co-own that house with her but as I’ve already stated several times, she doesn’t want me to own any part of that house because of her own insecurities, this guarantees her from not having to start over again if we ever split up.

And I realize how much more expensive it could be if I rented my own house, I don’t need you to tell me that which therefore I don’t need to go live on my own for a year to see what it’s like because you shouldn’t have to do that to see what it’s like. Anybody with common sense knows that it’s not very easy on your own and paying your own bills unless you got a damn good job that supports at all and still has money left over to have fun with.
 

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No prenup.

But if I do have rights and something happens, we ended up having to have a divorce that I guess we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there.
It sounds like she does not know the law on this and does not know that any verbal agreement she thinks she is making won't hold up in court. If there is no pre-nup and income earned while you are married, the house is converted to a martial community asset.

Are you going to let her know that this is a high probability and that she needs to see an attorney to get a pre-nup drawn up?
 

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Discussion Starter · #194 ·
Anything that you buy together after you marry, like furniture, will be half yours. Unless she has all the receipts showing she's the one who made the purchases on her own. Because I got a feeling, you are going to be not wanting to pay your part, judging by this thread.
Really? What have I said to cause you to lead to that conclusion? That’s an awful bold thing to say. If we do get married and end up having a divorce, I’m not gonna try to take her for everything that she has unless she does something bad enough to me that would come even close to warrant that kind of behavior.
 

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I realize that but I guess what I’m saying is different here is that I’m not renting a house and if I was renting a house, I would be totally and completely free and clear of any kind of maintenance on the house but see, aside from helping to pay her house payment, I’ve been going above and beyond and paying for certain things that we’ve had to do to the house. Being that she stated several times that it’s her house and not mine, maybe I should stop that. Besides, she’s already told me that I don’t have to help with paying for stuff like that. She said she appreciates it when I do but she said I’m not required to pay for stuff that has to be done to the house so there is that at least but I don’t like having that attitude. I would really like to be a true team with this whole thing and co-own that house with her but as I’ve already stated several times, she doesn’t want me to own any part of that house because of her own insecurities, this guarantees her from not having to start over again if we ever split up.

And I realize how much more expensive it could be if I rented my own house, I don’t need you to tell me that which therefore I don’t need to go live on my own for a year to see what it’s like because you shouldn’t have to do that to see what it’s like. Anybody with common sense knows that it’s not very easy on your own and paying your own bills unless you got a damn good job that supports at all and still has money left over to have fun with.
All this is nonsense. She says that you don't have to help pay for house maintenance. That's not going to stop you from gaining rights to the equity in the house.

How is she paying for the house? Will it be out of income she earns while she's married to you?
 

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If the tables were turned, I wouldn’t charge her rent. If I had that house… or well, let me start this way; if that was my house and she moved in with me, I’d make her pay for half the utilities and such but especially… If I had every intentions of making it clear that if anything ever happens to us even after we get hitched, this is my house, I wouldn’t make her pay for half of my house payment. Am I wrong for feeling that way?
You don’t understand that what you would do has absolutely nothing to do with what she chooses to do. Zero. The two of you are different. You think that because you feel that way she should agree. She doesn’t. She’s stated her position. It may or may not be valid legally. It’s up to you to find that out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #197 ·
I would not matter if you 'charged her rent' if you were married. By law, anything that is paid with marital community assets become the property of both you and her.

The same goes for the house your fiancé owns. Once you are married, if any community assets/income are used to pay the mortage, you own 50% of the house.
But wouldn’t there have to be anything in writing that would prove that? I don’t have any kind of statement or written agreement or anything, this was just our verbal agreement when I moved in there that I would pay this amount and what that amount is, which all of you know, is half the utilities, half the Internet bill and half of the house payment.
 

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It sounds like she does not know the law on this and does not know that any verbal agreement she thinks she is making won't hold up in court. If there is no pre-nup and income earned while you are married, the house is converted to a martial community asset.

Are you going to let her know that this is a high probability and that she needs to see an attorney to get a pre-nup drawn up?
LoL, I thought the advice was to not marry someone who values 'assets' more and anyone that wants to protect their assets after marriage is a monster. I guess that only applies to men
 

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What are you looking for from the house, in the event of a divorce? Do you want half of the equity earned after the marriage starts? Half of it starting 4 years ago when you began paying her? Half of it starting from when the house was bought? The exact amount of money that you put in?
 

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Discussion Starter · #200 ·
All this is nonsense. She says that you don't have to help pay for house maintenance. That's not going to stop you from gaining rights to the equity in the house.
It probably won’t, I was just stating that’s how strongly she feels about this that it’s just further “making it clear” on her part that it’s her house, not mine and that she’s saying I’m not required to help her with the upkeep.

How is she paying for the house? Will it be out of income she earns while she's married to you?
I don’t get what you’re asking. Even after we get married, she’ll still be making the payment like she does on all the other bills just as she always has. I’ll just continue giving her the amount of money that I’ve been giving her all along.
 
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