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I don't see any way of doing it except for you to pay rent to her if you're going to live there. It's her house. IMO, the rent should be what you'd expect to pay on the open market if it was you and a roommate sharing a rent home. Your name isn't on the house. It's hers. Of course, you could decide to buy a home together and rent that one out or sell it. I think though if you already have this type of money disagreement, not sure how this will all work out. You can't expect her to just give you half her house she's been paying on that is in her name.
 

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so let me get this straight; you think I should essentially pay her rent but even though her house payment is only $500 a month that I should be paying her the equivalent to what the average rent is? What kind of crap is that? Am I understanding you correctly?
Or maybe she only would want half of that, which would be a VERY good deal for you and save you a bunch of rent money, let's face it.
 
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I think we do too but I almost feel like if I try to have this talk again with her that I might as well just pack up and leave because she has it set in her mind let me paying half the bills and half of her house payment is part of me paying for my house to live there. Which, I don’t mind having to pay all that, I guess what I’m more or less have a problem with is the fact that she just says that this will never be my house if that makes any sense. I don’t know, maybe this is all just because of the fact that I just don’t think no matter what we do, she doesn’t want me to have partial ownership of her house because if anything ever goes sour, she doesn’t wanna have to be the one to pack up and leave and then basically have to start all over again.
I don't get it. I mean you're going to have to pay rent somewhere. You're just not a reason in the world why she should let you live there for free or just paying part of the bills. One way or the other you should be paying half what it's costing to live there. You'll be doing more than that if you were out on your own.
 

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Yeah, it is bugging me. I just get the feeling that it’s not me personally, it’s just anyone in general she’s not allowing herself to trust. I really don’t know what the deal is. I just feel like I live here as a tenant with benefits with no say in anything and I don’t dare try to talk her into doing something with her house that she don’t want to.
She's just smart about money and not going to let herself get robbed.
 

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This is the only way a self sufficient man would do it.
You should be embarrassed if you want her to give you half the house's value she acquired and she paid for before you two got engaged or she let you move into her house.
Yeah. I'm afraid he's the gold digger in this scenario.
 

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And again like I’ve said, I’m not aiming to live there completely free of charge but in your opinion, I should be paying rent? Helping to pay her house off which I’ll never see anything of it? Sure, after we get married and if something ever happens to her I can still live in the house for as long as I want, making her two kids wait to get their inheritance but if I decide to move out of there early and they sell the house, the money that I invested into the house, I may not ever see again that’s what the whole point of this discussion is about.
It's her house. Until and unless you get it together to buy your own house with your own credit and down payment and make the payments yourself, you're never going to own equity in a home. It's not rocket science. You can't do that but you expect her to give that to you. I really hope she's not stupid enough to do that. Meanwhile, you will be paying much higher for a place to stay. You are not a good investment, my friend.
 

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Being that I’ve got other stuff going on right now and you guys guys never gave me a chance to answer that question but yes, when I was living with my mom, I was paying for half the utilities. It’s just that in that case, the house my mom lives in has long since been paid for by my grandparents so there was no half of the house payment in the form of rent.


I have no problem with her wanting to protect her investment. Like I’ve told her and like I’ve told you guys, I’m not looking to take anything away from her. I don’t play that game. And she does know that I know how to manage my finances, I just think what this all boils down to is it’s not just me, it’s any man that she would be with that she’s not willing to do this for and when I said basically why should I help you pay your house she got upset at that and said that it was my cost of living there. I thought my cost of living there was the increased water bill, electric bill, and all that other stuff because whether I live there or not, that house is her responsibility that she’s gonna have to pay for, you see what I mean? I haven’t had a chance to have a lot more of a civil conversation with her on this so I can’t answer everybody’s questions about what she would say if I ask her about putting forth what she’s paid into it to match it or to buy another house and rent that one out and until I do I will update the thread on what her reaction is but as of right now, this is just completely about her expecting me to help pay her house off when she calls it the cost of living there on top of paying for my house of the increased utility bills and the groceries.
She's just expecting anyone to live there to not take a free ride, which is what you're trying to do. She has a right to ask you to pay rent. You have a right to not live with her if you think you can do that cheaper.
 

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OK, I can kind of see where you’re coming from. You’re hung up on the fact that because we’re not currently married that I shouldn’t be entitled to anything which I’ve never said I was expected to be entitled everything because number one, I’m still paying for half of her house payment but see here’s the deal; even after we get married, she still expects us to stay exactly the same as it is right now where I will continue to pay half of her house payment but still won’t ever see anything out of it because she refuses to put my name on the title. Please tell me it’s starting to make a little bit of sense now? Maybe I am in the wrong for seeing this like this before we tie the knot but either way, I still just can’t get over the fact that I’m having to pay for half of her house payment in the form of rent when what I’ve tried to say all along is I would never do that to her. If I was her and this was the other way around, her half would only be half for utilities and half of everything else because if I still had intentions of my house remaining my house, I would not expect her to pay a dime on my house because I guess in my mind that’s what would be right.
You aren't entitled to that house even if you WERE married. It's hers. She bought it before marriage. Even if she married you, it's still hers.
 

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So, even before and even after we get married, you think she’s in the right by expecting me to pay half her house payment along with my half of the other expenses in the household?….hmm.
She's have to be a dumb cluck not to!
 

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Well, without reading any more of the replies since this is a pretty hot topic, I guess it’s all good now because I just got off the phone with her and for the most part it was civil. There was a couple times it got a little heated but even after we do get married, I guess this is just how it’s supposed to be because she told me that even in her last marriage before they bought the house they had together before they got divorced, she moved in with him and she paid half of his house payment so I guess that’s just how it supposed to be because what she’s worried about and the reason why she doesn’t want to have my name on her house even after marriage is because being that nothing is certain, if anything was ever to happen between us, she doesn’t want to have to hire a lawyer to get my name off her house and pay me half of it, and then have to start all over again which, that part I can understand but I told her what I don’t understand is the fact that for you to have that security, this comes at my expense because if I stay with you long enough, your house will be paid for and I will have paid close to half of it for you but if something happens and I have to walk away it’s like, well have a good life. Be happy that I paid half your house off for you and I don’t get nothing out of it.

I really wanted to tell her that if we bought a house together, what she incredibly doesn’t want to happen would happen anyway but I guess she’s OK with the fact of having to give me half if we bought a house together but because she already had this house before I came into the picture, it’s all the sudden just not gonna happen that way because it’s all in her advantage because she already had the house before I came in. So I guess there’s really nothing left to discuss because if I have a problem with this then I need to just leave and I guess as long as we never have problems and stay together until our dying days, it won’t matter anyways that I paid off close to half her house.
You'd be paying rent whether you're with her or not and it would be a LOT higher than this is. Your parents won't be there forever to live with. You need to live on your own for a year and support yourself and a place to live so you can understand the simple reality here. It costs money to live somewhere once you leave your parents' home.
 

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No prenup.

But if I do have rights and something happens, we ended up having to have a divorce that I guess we’ll just cross that bridge when we get there.
Anything that you buy together after you marry, like furniture, will be half yours. Unless she has all the receipts showing she's the one who made the purchases on her own. Because I got a feeling, you are going to be not wanting to pay your part, judging by this thread.
 

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I realize that but I guess what I’m saying is different here is that I’m not renting a house and if I was renting a house, I would be totally and completely free and clear of any kind of maintenance on the house but see, aside from helping to pay her house payment, I’ve been going above and beyond and paying for certain things that we’ve had to do to the house. Being that she stated several times that it’s her house and not mine, maybe I should stop that. Besides, she’s already told me that I don’t have to help with paying for stuff like that. She said she appreciates it when I do but she said I’m not required to pay for stuff that has to be done to the house so there is that at least but I don’t like having that attitude. I would really like to be a true team with this whole thing and co-own that house with her but as I’ve already stated several times, she doesn’t want me to own any part of that house because of her own insecurities, this guarantees her from not having to start over again if we ever split up.

And I realize how much more expensive it could be if I rented my own house, I don’t need you to tell me that which therefore I don’t need to go live on my own for a year to see what it’s like because you shouldn’t have to do that to see what it’s like. Anybody with common sense knows that it’s not very easy on your own and paying your own bills unless you got a damn good job that supports at all and still has money left over to have fun with.
It's not her insecurities. It's her financial competency.

But yeah, stop doing repairs on the house.
 

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No, I really think it is. Every time we talk about this subject and so far it’s only been three times, she says the same thing over and over again that even after we get married and if she put my name on her house, and something comes up we end up divorced, she does not want me to get half of what her house is worth which means she would have to sell the house and then have to start over again. This way, if anything ever happens, she expects me to just move out and she doesn’t have to do anything.
Right, because she paid for the house and it's for her kids. It's not your house. She's just not letting someone take advantage of her, that's all.
 

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And you know what, I totally understand that which is why all along I’ve been saying if I’m never going to have any ties to this house then why are you making me pay for half of it? Oh wait, because it’s the cost of living there and because whether I’m living with her or in my own rental home, I’m gonna have to pay rent anyways, right? I’m really not trying to sound like a donkey about this but how am I supposed to feel? Again, I totally get where she’s coming from but it’s also at my expense. Just so that she can have a pretty good chunk of change to give to her kids when she passes on, I have to still help pay for that.….. because it’s just the cost of living there.
How you're supposed to feel is a man who is supporting himself instead of leaning on a woman. She's not your mother!!
 
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