[corneileous]

I guess this is the proper forum for this question but AnyWho, as the title says, I’m just curious about the proper way to split bills between one another and primarily what my question is, I got engaged to a girl who already owns her own house that she’s making payments on and I’m just curious what your guy’s opinion is on her expecting me to pay for half of her house payment when she’s already explicitly spelled it out that the house will never be mine and that it is hers which means I also don’t have any say about what happens with the house what we do with it, unless she agrees with it of course but as far as how the house is decorated or what color the walls are, I really don’t care but I don’t know, please correct me if I’m wrong for feeling like being that it’s not my house and that it will never be my house why I should be ok with half the house payment as mine.

I love this girl a lot but it’s kind of starting to make me feel like I’m just renting the place except I am in a romantic relationship with the landlord and live under the same roof.

I keep telling her that my goal is not to take her house away from her, even in the event of a divorce if that ever happens but still, on the same token, it’s kind of hard to make it feel like it’s my place because although she says she’s sharing it with me but, it’s still not my house.

Granted, I realize that if I was renting my own place, the only money that I would ever get back if I moved out would be my security deposit but is that how this is supposed to be, I’m basically renting what I’m having to pay half for each month? Whenever we talk… Or should I say argue about this, she gets frustrated at me and doesn’t understand why I can’t understand this is how it has to be and that this is me paying to live there when I’m already paying half the bills with her among other things. I’ve bought stuff for her house, I’m supplying the Netflix, the Hulu live and the Amazon prime, even buy groceries a lot of the times as well so as far as I’m concerned, I’m paying my fair share I guess I’m just asking for advice and opinions on if Im wrong in thinking I shouldn’t be paying for half of a house payment on a house that’ll never be mine. Thanks.

 

[Livvie]

Don't pay for half the mortgage on a house that will never be yours, as she says.

So what, you are planning on never becoming a homeowner and accumulating equity in a home? Are you okay with that?

If not, rethink this engagement now, before it's too late.

Maybe you should buy your own house and go live in it. That way you can each have your own. Because she doesn't want to share, right?

 

[minimalME]

...rethink this engagement now, before it's too late.

I agree with this.

The two of you need to sort out your views/philosophies about money before getting married.

 

[corneileous]

I think I can kinda understand a little bit where she’s coming from being that when she got out of her last marriage- well, it wasn’t really a marriage, it more of a common law thing or how ever the state of Oklahoma views it but when she moved out, her ex did take out a loan and paid her for half of the house being that they bought it together but, I kinda get the feeling she doesn’t want to have to do that all over again if things go south with me, or whoever else she could be with and I do respect that part but on the other hand, I’m just not cool with the part about having to pay half her house payment when she clearly stated it’s hers and not mine which for some reasons I’m cool with because if things do go south, I can just pack up, leave and walk away not having to worry about anything except finding a new place, of course.

I dunno, would anybody y’all be ok with splitting a house payment if the house wasn’t yours?

 

[Diana7]

Why not buy a home together that could belong to both of you?

 

[TexasMom1216]

No. I would not pay for a house in which I would never gain equity.

 

[minimalME]

I think I can kinda understand a little bit where she’s coming from...

This is why you really need to work through this together - now.

It's not just about the house or the house payments.

It's about what's going on inside her. It's about how she thinks about marriage, money and you.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

I don't see any way of doing it except for you to pay rent to her if you're going to live there. It's her house. IMO, the rent should be what you'd expect to pay on the open market if it was you and a roommate sharing a rent home. Your name isn't on the house. It's hers. Of course, you could decide to buy a home together and rent that one out or sell it. I think though if you already have this type of money disagreement, not sure how this will all work out. You can't expect her to just give you half her house she's been paying on that is in her name.

 

[Andy1001]

How does what she wants you to pay compare to average rent in your district?

 

[ah_sorandy]

Offer to pay for half of all of the operating expenses only. The house is hers, she's not willing to give you co-ownership, so she can foot the bill for the mortgage.

Why should you pay to give her more property equity that you will not be entitled to?

 

[corneileous]

Why not buy a home together that could belong to both of you?

I guess that could be an option if she’d go for it but the thing is, I don’t have the money to put down on one and at this point, I’m not even sure she’d be interested in refinancing the house in both our names because of the fact that she’s already stated that when she dies, her house is going to her two kids which I can understand and she even said that if that happens, I would still be able to live out my days there instead of being forced to up and leave so they can have their inheritance. Not that I probably would, I would more than likely just take as much time as I needed to find my own place and move out.

 

[Openminded]

What are your ages?

 

[corneileous]

I don't see any way of doing it except for you to pay rent to her if you're going to live there. It's her house. IMO, the rent should be what you'd expect to pay on the open market if it was you and a roommate sharing a rent home. Your name isn't on the house. It's hers. Of course, you could decide to buy a home together and rent that one out or sell it. I think though if you already have this type of money disagreement, not sure how this will all work out. You can't expect her to just give you half her house she's been paying on that is in her name.

so let me get this straight; you think I should essentially pay her rent but even though her house payment is only $500 a month that I should be paying her the equivalent to what the average rent is? What kind of crap is that? Am I understanding you correctly?

 

[corneileous]

No. I would not pay for a house in which I would never gain equity.

I know there’s been others that have said this but see, this is how I feel because in the past almost 4 years that I moved in with her and we split the bills up, $250 of what I pay her every month for my half of the bills is going to half of her monthly house payment which adds up to $12,000 for a total of four exact years. $12,000 and counting that I’ll never see again that she benefits from getting her house paid off quicker.

 

[HurtinFl]

May I ask if you are older? My mom's last (and current) marriage began in her mid 50's. She purchased her home on her own. My step-dads name was never put on the deed (she paid it off shortly after they married.) In her will she made a provision for him to stay there and pay the taxes and insurance until he passes or decides to leave. After this the house goes to myself & my sister. They do keep their money separate with the exception of expenses such as groceries and utilities.

 

[TexasMom1216]

I know there’s been others that have said this but see, this is how I feel because in the past almost 4 years that I moved in with her and we split the bills up, $250 of what I pay her every month for my half of the bills is going to half of her monthly house payment which adds up to $12,000 for a total of four exact years. $12,000 and counting that I’ll never see again that she benefits from getting her house paid off quicker.

I’m confused. You’re paying half the bills and the money for your half of the bills isn’t going to the bills? How are you dividing the bills?

 

[corneileous]

I agree with this.

The two of you need to sort out your views/philosophies about money before getting married.

I think we do too but I almost feel like if I try to have this talk again with her that I might as well just pack up and leave because she has it set in her mind let me paying half the bills and half of her house payment is part of me paying for my house to live there. Which, I don’t mind having to pay all that, I guess what I’m more or less have a problem with is the fact that she just says that this will never be my house if that makes any sense. I don’t know, maybe this is all just because of the fact that I just don’t think no matter what we do, she doesn’t want me to have partial ownership of her house because if anything ever goes sour, she doesn’t wanna have to be the one to pack up and leave and then basically have to start all over again.

 

[corneileous]

What are your ages?

46.

 

[corneileous]

May I ask if you are older? My mom's last (and current) marriage began in her mid 50's. She purchased her home on her own. My step-dads name was never put on the deed (she paid it off shortly after they married.) In her will she made a provision for him to stay there and pay the taxes and insurance until he passes or decides to leave. After this the house goes to myself & my sister. They do keep their money separate with the exception of expenses such as groceries and utilities.

Well that’s nice that she paid it off beforehand and he never did have to pay half of a house payment that would never be his.

 

[RebuildingMe]

Divorced, two kids in tow and she’s already saying what’s hers is hers but I want you to pay to help fund my kids lives when I’m dead. If I understand this correctly, I can’t endorse you getting married to this woman.