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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I posted this on another thread and thought to ask everyone this question today.

It is amazing the stories told on the Rejoice Marriage Ministries website. Makes one wonder if they are true. Speaking about waiting on their "prodigal" spouse to return home. But some of those people on there wait for like 8 years!!!

The question is: How long will you guys wait on your wife to come back? If you KNEW without a shadow of a doubt that your wife will come back to you in a better state of mind than when she left and be more appreciative of you as a man and husband, how long will you wait? If you KNEW she would return and be the wife you always wanted her to be how long will you wait? That's the question of the day. Think it about it. Answer then say why.
 

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1 month is too short of a time .

5 years ... I won't remember her name by then LOL. I can't wait for her to ride the druggie for 5 years and then to decide the grasses are not greener there . As much as is sound selfish I need my live and enjoy it , so 5 years ... I don't say " can't happen " but I won't wait consciously for her that long.

After 1 year I'll be used to be away from her and will have a new hunny for sure . Again I don't wanna sit around and wait till she decide I'm worth . And I don't wanna be on the Plan B team anymore .
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
1 month is too short of a time .

5 years ... I won't remember her name by then LOL. I can't wait for her to ride the druggie for 5 years and then to decide the grasses are not greener there . As much as is sound selfish I need my live and enjoy it , so 5 years ... I don't say " can't happen " but I won't wait consciously for her that long.

After 1 year I'll be used to be away from her and will have a new hunny for sure . Again I don't wanna sit around and wait till she decide I'm worth . And I don't wanna be on the Plan B team anymore .
I definitely feel you on that. I cannot imagine myself alone for even a year. It has been over 2 months already. I am most certainly not communicating with her anymore. If she files for a divorce over the next 9 months I will have to deal with it, but until then I am not seeing her, contacting her, or anything. But how long will I wait? Man! To have her back, given the history we have, if she came back "fixed" I would say that I would wait forever. BUT....if I were to meet someone in that time who had potential, great personality, great body (I'm superficial like that), and great character and wanted to be in a relationship with me, really loved me and knew how to show it and communicate, I am not sure I would wait at all. Seriously, if I met someone who was clicking on all cylinders and we were just friends now (because I am hurting too much to be anything more than that) and she was still around after the hurt went away, I may close the door at that moment, be it 2, 3, 4 or 5 months from now. I don't know. I guess if I KNEW that she was coming back for sure and I am saying I would not wait due to me finding someone else better, I guess that means I do not love her like I should.

Maybe those are the marriages that are restored (I think I just had an epiphany!). The spouses who wait for eternity for the spouse to return home, usually gets their spouse back. The ones that won't, don't. There's a thought.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
The second after she walked out the door, I'd call a lawyer.

Why? Because I refuse to sit around with my thumb up my azz while my little sweetie "finds herself" and test drives my replacements.
LOL!!:lol: Now that's a man! God, I wish I could be like that. Some women actually like that too. Sometimes I wonder if I did that if that would wake her behind up. I can file for divorce right now and start a nasty legal battle with her that will break her bank and I could reasonably get alimony for two years. Hmmmm...something to think about. Thanks for that post.
 

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i read somewhere that it typically takes one month for every year married for a WAS to come to thier sences . If that is the case i am in for a 5month wait

I am taking it one day at a time, right now 2.5months separated feels like a long time, but I am not waiting for her anymore, i am moving on with what I want to do in life.

If she comes around we will have to see where i am at.

Her loss may be someone elses gain! I am becoming the man she fell in love with! I was lost for the last few years (stress, $$$, bad habits) but now i am back!
 

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God, I wish I could be like that.
Why can't you? If you lost your b*lls, go read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Some women actually like that too.
I don't know if they "like" it, but they might respect it. It also may show them that you refuse to be the back-up plan while she shops for an upgrade.

Sometimes I wonder if I did that if that would wake her behind up.
It will work better than you acting like a doormat. The old line applies here - you can't nice guy your way out of this one.

I can file for divorce right now and start a nasty legal battle with her that will break her bank and I could reasonably get alimony for two years.
Go file. If she has any interest in keeping the marriage together, you'll find out quickly. If she's checked out for good, get those alimony checks rolling in.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
i read somewhere that it typically takes one month for every year married for a WAS to come to thier sences . If that is the case i am in for a 5month wait

I am taking it one day at a time, right now 2.5months separated feels like a long time, but I am not waiting for her anymore, i am moving on with what I want to do in life.

If she comes around we will have to see where i am at.

Her loss may be someone elses gain! I am becoming the man she fell in love with! I was lost for the last few years (stress, $$$, bad habits) but now i am back!
It has been 2.5 months for me as well and WHOA! That seems like an eternity. When you are used to speaking, laughing, holding someone every day for years, 2.5 months without seeing them or talking to them at all is an eternity.

The last year I was definitely out of it. Work was stressful. I had some serious cases on my hands over the summer. Don't get me wrong, I did not neglect my wife totally, I just wasn't super-husband. Part of me says I will wait forever. Another part of me says, I will wait and take it one day at a time, ready to counter whatever she throws at me. Yet, there is a part of me that wants to do as Thunderstruck said and file for a divorce today! I think if I come to the mindset that I will wait for her for however long it takes our marriage will be restored. The marriage guy, Mort Fartel, says that the marriage is in your hands. I guess that is what he means.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Like you said Solon...I'll wait forever but what if she never comes back?
If she never comes back you will never know.

Think about it, if you are waiting forever, that means you will die while waiting. You'll never know because the last thing you'll remember is "I'm waiting on my wife." But I believe if you have that mindset you will be back with your wife. But the patience it will take. Sheesh! Can you do that?
 

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Solon, thinking about actually I don't need to wait a day ! We'll be in court ( and technically divorced ) in 2 days , 11-30 and that is less then 3 months after the BS speech.

I'm seeing a gal right now and I won't wait for my WA to raid the druggie and to decide if she want me back !

WTF ! Who the beep she think is she ?!?!?

Not waiting at all . Moving on and have a fun ... if down the row something happens ... we'll see.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
God, I wish I could be like that.
Why can't you? If you lost your b*lls, go read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Some women actually like that too.
I don't know if they "like" it, but they might respect it. It also may show them that you refuse to be the back-up plan while she shops for an upgrade.

Sometimes I wonder if I did that if that would wake her behind up.
It will work better than you acting like a doormat. The old line applies here - you can't nice guy your way out of this one.

I can file for divorce right now and start a nasty legal battle with her that will break her bank and I could reasonably get alimony for two years.
Go file. If she has any interest in keeping the marriage together, you'll find out quickly. If she's checked out for good, get those alimony checks rolling in.
Hmmmm....you're tempting me Thunder. I SO want to do that. I'll hit her with three counts; 1) desertion, 2) excessive cruelty, and 3) adultery. We live in an at-fault state. I will depose everyone she knows to prove the adultery and embarrass the crap out of her. I will depose her and ask her questions for 7 hours straight, with a 15 min. break here and there. I will subpoena all of her bank records, e-mail, and other documents. I will force her to give me the names and addresses of all the people who counseled her, then, to top it off, I will file a motion asking the courts to order us to go to one of those 3 day retreats as a mediation before the divorce as most states say it is against public policy to divorce and they try to discourage or prevent it.

I don't know. I just don't have the energy for all of that. Plus, it would make her hate me even more than she thinks she does right now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
You guys are killing me here. There are millions of good women out there who would actually want to be with you, but you're going to wait FOREVER for some woman who walked out on you?

F**K. C'mon, men, grab your sack and move forward.
:rofl: Tell me where these women are and I will seriously think about it. I hear Brazil is the place.
 

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It has been 2.5 months for me as well and WHOA! That seems like an eternity. When you are used to speaking, laughing, holding someone every day for years, 2.5 months without seeing them or talking to them at all is an eternity.

The last year I was definitely out of it. Work was stressful. I had some serious cases on my hands over the summer. Don't get me wrong, I did not neglect my wife totally, I just wasn't super-husband. Part of me says I will wait forever. Another part of me says, I will wait and take it one day at a time, ready to counter whatever she throws at me. Yet, there is a part of me that wants to do as Thunderstruck said and file for a divorce today! I think if I come to the mindset that I will wait for her for however long it takes our marriage will be restored. The marriage guy, Mort Fartel, says that the marriage is in your hands. I guess that is what he means.
I am not saying it was easy, there were days that i sat at work just staring at the screen. There were days were i wanted to call her and convince her what a good life we could have.

I was the same way, i was not a bad husband, just not myself. I too, sometimes feel like i will wait forever, but i tell myself constantly that "i deserve better.."

The minute i started to push the D and split everything up she freaked out! So i slowed everything down. Now we are at the point of limited contact (just exchanges of the kids) thats it. I agree with Mort (i get his emails too) that the marriage is in your hands. But every situation is differnet and only YOU know what to do. Dont focus all your energy and time into "fixing" the marriage.

You need to get a life, focus on you, do things that you have put off for a while. The minute i made that decision, i started to understand how powerful this really is.

It really brings out the alpha male which women crave.
 

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I am not a man, but I am going to answer it anyway. I wouldn't take him back. The moment he decided to put his foot out the door, would be the moment he gave up on the marriage. I couldn't be with a person who lost his faith in me once and might do it again. I would not want to be with a person who does not take his wedding vows seriously and is not willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work.
I would always wonder! And life is to short to live in doubt.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I am not a man, but I am going to answer it anyway. I wouldn't take him back. The moment he decided to put his foot out the door, would be the moment he gave up on the marriage. I couldn't be with a person who lost his faith in me once and might do it again. I would not want to be with a person who does not take his wedding vows seriously and is not willing to do what it takes to make a marriage work.
I would always wonder! And life is to short to live in doubt.
Interesting coming from a woman's point of view. Thanks, Memento.
 

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and 3) adultery.

Plus, it would make her hate me even more than she thinks she does right now.
She cheated on you. She walked out on the marriage, probably so she could keep b*nging the OM without you bothering her.

And you're worried about her hating you more than she does now? I need to hold back so that I don't get banned, but man, does this pizz me off.

Where the hell is your self-respect? File on her cheating azz.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
She cheated on you. She walked out on the marriage, probably so she could keep b*nging the OM without you bothering her.

And you're worried about her hating you more than she does now? I need to hold back so that I don't get banned, but man, does this pizz me off.

Where the hell is your self-respect? File on her cheating azz.
I don't think she has committed adultery, but I will file just so I can use those avenues to get information. I am pretty sure she has not cheated....yet anyway.
 
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