[RandomDude]

Just curious actually... for me from time to time I enjoy man-handling my wife, and she enjoys it too. In fact, I always save up our favourite positions (standing) for the sessions when I'm the dom. Puts her in a bliss everytime.

However, it's not something that happens all the time. Sometimes I'm in a loving mood, other times I'm in a playful mood, then other times I just like to force her down and have my way with her. But!

There have been times when at the back of my mind I wonder if it's actually rape. There are times when she's doing something and I just grab her and take her to bed kicking and screaming. Sometimes her responses are teasing and playful, other times she really means no but I take her anyway.

She never complains after the deed is done though, about 5 minutes into it whatever was on her mind disappears and then she starts getting carried away with the sex. Still... isn't it bad?

Could this be why she has a fantasy of bending ME over and doing me up the ass (which I will NEVER let her do)? She has a lot of rape fantasies involving me... which is downright scary to be honest. Am I contributing to this?

Also, in the past she tortured me sexually and no safe word helped. She hasn't since, but aren't I doing the same thing to her when she says no (as in NO) and I take her anyway?

 

[Holland]

I would be taking this one to the marriage counsellor, The whole dynamics of this sound whacked and unhealthy.

 

[ankh]

I guess you'll know if she ever feels like the rape is real, when the nice officer shows up, or the nice attorney mails you a summons! Until then, it sounds like it's all good clean fun!

 

[RandomDude]

Heh well, if I take this to MC in front of my wife she's going to explode thinking that we wont be playing games like "caveman" or "superior officer" anymore and will get even more depressed (she's already depressed enough that I'm no longer putting out as often and that we're doing MC)

I'm worried about the boundaries however. When I take her like this it may be giving her the impression that boundaries are meant to be broken (something that helped us get together prior to marriage ironically - as we broke a lot of ethnic/cultural/religious rules by being together)

So maybe I'm contributing to her lack of respect for my own sexual boundaries? There are times when she "rapes" me too, many of which I did not enjoy. Strangely, my wife has always enjoyed being man-handled no matter how extreme I took it - though I've never really hurt her, or tortured her like what she did to me ( darn woman -.- )

My wife will most likely deny this has anything to do with anything however.

 

[Jellybeans]

You and your wife have a very sexually dysfunctional relationship. Like, severely dysfunctional.

I am sure this has to do with her past as being an sex escort and the fact that you have an emotionally dysfuctional relationship as well.

I really hope your child is ok in this environment you guys have.

 

[Mavash.]

You guys have no idea what a normal sexual relationship looks like. Yours is riddled with abuse and while she appears to get off on it - it's far from healthy.

 

[wiigirl]

I would be taking this one to the marriage counsellor, The whole dynamics of this sound whacked and unhealthy.

:iagree:

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Cosmos]

There have been times when at the back of my mind I wonder if it's actually rape. There are times when she's doing something and I just grab her and take her to bed kicking and screaming. Sometimes her responses are teasing and playful, other times she really means no but I take her anyway.

For me, this would be the end of all future physically intimacy. However, you seem pretty certain that your wife actually likes this, and I find that pretty disturbing and potentially dangerous...

 

[cherrypie18]

Just curious actually... for me from time to time I enjoy man-handling my wife, and she enjoys it too. In fact, I always save up our favourite positions (standing) for the sessions when I'm the dom. Puts her in a bliss everytime.

However, it's not something that happens all the time. Sometimes I'm in a loving mood, other times I'm in a playful mood, then other times I just like to force her down and have my way with her. But!

There have been times when at the back of my mind I wonder if it's actually rape. There are times when she's doing something and I just grab her and take her to bed kicking and screaming. Sometimes her responses are teasing and playful, other times she really means no but I take her anyway.

She never complains after the deed is done though, about 5 minutes into it whatever was on her mind disappears and then she starts getting carried away with the sex. Still... isn't it bad?

Could this be why she has a fantasy of bending ME over and doing me up the ass (which I will NEVER let her do)? She has a lot of rape fantasies involving me... which is downright scary to be honest. Am I contributing to this?

Also, in the past she tortured me sexually and no safe word helped. She hasn't since, but aren't I doing the same thing to her when she says no (as in NO) and I take her anyway?

If she has rape fantasies then could this just be role play?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[TCSRedhead]

A typical hardcore BDSM relationship starts with defining what each partner is ok with and NOT ok with and defining how to stop the situation if it crosses that line.

So.... you don't know and won't know until you start there. This is something you would talk to her about and establish those limits.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

You sir, need a safeword. And you need to stick with it.

 

[RandomDude]

I know she likes it, but most probably because she knows I won't and have never hurt her, rough yes, but not too rough. Completely dominant however, the issue is more with the boundaries, guess I can't expect her to respect mine if I don't respect hers.

Guess it's time for a pet talk about this with my wife

 

[SlowlyGettingWiser]

Random Dude:

With respect to your original post in this thread, I answered a resounding "YES" to every single question you asked.

Seriously, have you two considered sex therapy? You both have a LOT of aggression that you take out sexually (passive/aggressive).

 

[RandomDude]

I just had a chat with my wife about this and she reckons I'm thinking up too much **** and that we already have enough to deal with and that I should let her be the one to bring it up if it's an issue... erm, sorry hun, but it IS an issue because we're not respecting each other boundaries.

We're going to MC BECAUSE of this, so need to identify ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that causes it. Anyways she's rolling her eyes at me atm... *sigh*

Rather uncooperative, does she just fear change or something?

 

[Mavash.]

As I often say talking rarely works. These days I find it almost a complete waste of time to discuss problems with your spouse. Stick to what you are and aren't okay with and then shut up.

The answer to your original question requires no conversation with your wife. When she says no you stop. End of story. If you want to stop contributing to the rape fantasies then well stop contributing to them. No discussion required.

 

[RandomDude]

At this point it's almost like she allows it to happen, has never complained about it, and refuses to talk about it now... because in the end, it gives her leverage and force me to accept what she wants, and if I don't - she easily convinces herself that I'm in the wrong, and justifies her own selfish behaviour.

I'm definitely convinced now that what I have done is wrong, and directly contributes to this problem. I'm bringing it up in counselling later. Right now I'm starting to understand the reasons behind alot of things alot more. That little chat didn't solve anything, but I guess it has made me realise what has happened. In the end, I don't think it was a complete waste of time, her reaction nailed it for me.

That's assuming if my analysis is correct.

She doesn't want boundaries, her parent's marriage had no established boundaries, her mum practically controlled her dad. It seems her tactics are akin... and I fell for it. Bah!

 

[Mavash.]

Of course she doesn't want boundaries. Broken people don't.

So your choice is to live that way or establish your own boundaries whether she agrees to them or not. She's constantly setting you up to fail and you can stop it if you want to.

 

[WyshIknew]

You sir, need a safeword. And you need to stick with it.

:iagree:

This.

It is a definite requirement if you wish to push the envelope sexually with your partner. Otherwise how do you differentiate between "No! Don't! Stop!" and No! Don't stop!

Alternatively a knee in the nuts is quite effective.

 

[Faithful Wife]

Mavash said: "These days I find it almost a complete waste of time to discuss problems with your spouse."

What an odd thing to say. Are you only speaking for yourself here? Because discussing problems with a spouse is usually the only way to identify them and work on them.