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Discussion Starter #1
When your EA/PA was brought to light did you divulge all information pertaining to your EA/PA? Or did you only tell enough to hopefully satisfy your BS? I'm just curious how open and honest most WS's are. I guess it really depends on how remorseful the WS really is or how deep they are in the fog.

If you did tell your BS everything that took place during your EA/PA, how long did it take you to tell them?

I'd also like honest answers, are any of you still withholding information from the BS? If so why?
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I don't know what all of these acronyms mean. Is there a dictionary somewhere? I'm a very honest person.
Just bumped up the thread "Welcome TAM CWI Newbiies-please read.

You'll find the info you want in the first post.
 

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Oh valid point, thanks Almost.

So if any of you were too afraid to be completely truthful, what were your fears based around?
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possibilities-


-afraid of losing the ability to cake eat
-afraid of hurting their BS further
-afraid of divorce if BS knew everything
-afraid of shame of divorce or of what they did
-afraid of losing financial support
-afraid of facing consequences
 

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When your EA/PA was brought to light did you divulge all information pertaining to your EA/PA? Or did you only tell enough to hopefully satisfy your BS? I'm just curious how open and honest most WS's are. I guess it really depends on how remorseful the WS really is or how deep they are in the fog.

If you did tell your BS everything that took place during your EA/PA, how long did it take you to tell them?

I'd also like honest answers, are any of you still withholding information from the BS? If so why?
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Yes.

Although my wife suspected an affair, and with whom it was, she did not know until I confessed.

At that point, I was burdened with so much guilt and seeing the destruction I was causing, I needed to tell her the truth. And, she deserved the whole truth. It took a couple hours to come out with the "whole" truth - that includes admitting to sex with the OW, and how many times, and where, protected or not, when the affair began, how it began...

I think when first confessed, it was selfish of me. Yes, she deserved the truth but I confessed to try to salvage my relationship with her, my home, my children's home, my past identity of someone who considered himself a good person (but was not). As time has passed and the fog lifted, I realized how much more stressful the situation would have been and how having hidden the whole truth would have been sabotage on what seemed to be a possible reconciliation. Continuing to lie, or omit the truth, would have been as stressful as the affair, and would not help me as I wanted to reconcile.

The OW was a friend of hers. The OW lived very close. I knew if she heard anything from the OW that I did not tell her first there would be little chance of reconciliation. I knew it would hurt her worse to hear it from someone other than me. And more selfishly, I knew it would hurt me and my chances of being forgiven and reconciling.

What I didn't tell her were things I simply could not remember. Even though I have told her everything that happened, there were bits of conversations with the OW simply lost in the memory banks and when the context hit, I often remembered something previously untold.

Here's the problem: telling the truth doesn't automatically make you a trustworthy person. So, while I tell you I honestly told her everything that happened, even these lost bits of this and that make her doubt that I am being honest with her. Each new context still makes her question me, and doubt us.

It's so tragic, and I deeply regret losing control of myself and being so destructive. In my case, it wasn't trickle truth, it was trickle memory. It has been 18 months since D-day...this has been a good week though...we haven't gotten to the point where she says "I don't think this is going to work out" and in fact, are talking about the future together now.
 
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