Question for the men?

2505 Views 27 Replies 17 Participants Last post by Stonewall, Oct 22, 2012

KnK

Discussion Starter · Oct 19, 2012

My hubby says his "innocent flirting" is natural it's just who he is. It makes me feel bad and I tell him , he then says he can't help it. It just happens!

Is this something that can be controlled and ultimately stopped are is it truly innocent and natural. Something he means nothing buy?

He says he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but I know he flirts with girls. (he has a very social job) can this be a normal personality?

Reactions: 1

Status: Not open for further replies.

1 - 20 of 28 Posts

rj700

· #2 · Oct 19, 2012

At the risk of being bashed, I think it depends on your definition of flirting. If he has a "social job" then he really has to be friendly. So it is a fine line between friendly & flirting. I think the latter implies sexual overtones, in which case, if that bothers you, he should keep it friendly, but not sexual.

He really could mean nothing by it. But that's not the point. Even if he means nothing by it, it obviously MEANS something to you so he should respect that.

Reactions: 1

KnK

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 19, 2012

rj700 said:
At the risk of being bashed, I think it depends on your definition of flirting. If he has a "social job" then he really has to be friendly. So it is a fine line between friendly & flirting. I think the latter implies sexual overtones, in which case, if that bothers you, he should keep it friendly, but not sexual.

He really could mean nothing by it. But that's not the point. Even if he means nothing by it, it obviously MEANS something to you so he should respect that.

There will be no bashing. I am here for honest opinions. It isn't really sexual at all. Just some hunny's and darlin's a smile bigger than normal and some txt msgs berween him and his co worker. that read ,,

him - you forgot your box
her- I'll be back around later
him- yay you get to see me again lol
her- yep!
her-(later) What's wrong?
him- Nothng at all hunny!
her- ok see ya soon!

ANother time..
Her-what is my sced.
him- Off This weeked.
her-Your so great.
him-I know ..

(just seems weird to me)

See less See more

anotherguy

· #4 · Oct 19, 2012 (Edited)

ahh. banter with his admin assist? ('whats my sched?')

I have seen lots of guys get overly chummy with the female person they routinely rely on for..well... everything. Flirting in the workplace is not a very good idea though. Not uncommon.. depending on his position - she may be privy to very personal details etc.. like buying flowers for you, booking flight details, knowing his meal preferences and likes/dislikes for example. What should I wear to this meeting.. and 'WHERE THE F IS MY (whatever). That kind of constant interaction just gets more involved. I do NOT mean more involved.

Its always a good idea to get invited to workplace parties and meet these people. Get them on your side and they can be very helpful allies (and spies) as well.

Reactions: 1

COguy

· #5 · Oct 19, 2012

If you're not a naturally jealous person than I would heed your instinct.

Does he talk like that in front of you or only when you're not around?

In_The_Wind

· #6 · Oct 19, 2012

KnK said:
My hubby says his "innocent flirting" is natural it's just who he is. It makes me feel bad and I tell him , he then says he can't help it. It just happens!

Is this something that can be controlled and ultimately stopped are is it truly innocent and natural. Something he means nothing buy?

Come on he can be nice or friendly but he doesnt have to flirt

He says he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but I know he flirts with girls. (he has a very social job) can this be a normal personality?

If he cares about you and honors you he would not be doing this in my opinon
I think it is disrespectful !!!!
for example when I am out with my wife I am just with her I dont care whom may be walking by or whatever I am into her I dont look at other females

Reactions: 2

KnK

Discussion Starter · #7 · Oct 19, 2012

COguy said:
If you're not a naturally jealous person than I would heed your instinct.

Does he talk like that in front of you or only when you're not around?

I have to be honest and say I am a naturally jealous person.. and he does a little of both. He sometimes try's to hide things , stating he doesn't want to fight. Although this is not every time or I wouldn't have been able to see what I saw!

KnK

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 19, 2012

In_The_Wind said:
If he cares about you and honors you he would not be doing this in my opinon
I think it is disrespectful !!!!
for example when I am out with my wife I am just with her I dont care whom may be walking by or whatever I am into her I dont look at other females

I agree but this is strictly at work. when he is at home or we are out there are never any females involved in anyway.

anotherguy

· #9 · Oct 19, 2012 (Edited)

p.s. I never am willing to cut too much slack to guys that use 'i cant help it' as a defense for shameless flirting. They have a need to be involved which, to me, is the first red flag.

so sue me. I have seen plenty of guys in 'social' jobs that are fantastically sucessful and popular without the flirting. Your hubby, without my knowing him... is not one of those guys. He uses it to grease the wheels, and it is far too easy to wind up looking for 'lube' rather than 'grease' to needy personalities - particularly if he is in a position over others. Only you know if he fits this type.

I dont mean to compound your insecurity, but that is what I believe.

Reactions: 1

anotherguy

· #10 · Oct 19, 2012 (Edited)

KnK said:
He sometimes try's to hide things , stating he doesn't want to fight.

strike 2. He doesnt get to decide, on his own, what you should and shouldnt know.

Reactions: 1

KnK

Discussion Starter · #11 · Oct 19, 2012

anotherguy said:
strike 2.

I understand what ya'll are saying and I would class it as a strike two as well. I confidently know it is not physical. The type of job my hubby has is at a gas station/convenient store .. he is asst. manager and just training for manager. There are camera absoloutly everywhere and the rules are only worker inside the building at a time. For ex. when she is getting off and he is coming on she is only there for 1hr to stock , clean up etc. after her shift during which time he is running the register and things.Then she leaves and he works his shift. This is the rule for all employees when your shift is over and another person comes in you have one hour to get done and then your out of there. Oh P.s the building is more like a cubicle not a big store. Machines etc. are around the building that's what I mean when I say only one employee can be in there at a time.

See less See more

donny64

· #12 · Oct 19, 2012

KnK said:
My hubby says his "innocent flirting" is natural it's just who he is. It makes me feel bad and I tell him , he then says he can't help it. It just happens!

Is this something that can be controlled and ultimately stopped are is it truly innocent and natural. Something he means nothing buy?

He says he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but I know he flirts with girls. (he has a very social job) can this be a normal personality?

Could just be a natural part of his personality. However, he could be toying with a fine line here...as it seems they work together. Could bring him problems with HR and he should watch out. And I'd say if it's not okay with HR, then it likely won't be okay with you either.

My W sounds like your H. She has a job where she has to smooze a lot of people. I wouldn't say she's a "natural flirt", but she is friendly. And let's face it, there's also a reason they don't put unattractive women or men in some positions. Being such is going to invite some attention, obviously.

I was sitting next to her one time when she was on a call with a guy from work. She closed by saying "ok, by honey, talk to you later". I thought about this for a second and said "hey...did you just call him honey?!!" She did, and does it fairly often with people. Her way of speaking. I've never found anything to indicate otherwise. So, it never raised a concern for me.

I know she gets flirted with a good deal. She is quite attractive, and is in a job where she works around a lot of male clients. They naturally flirt with her pretty often. She'll respond...to a point, the point where their flirting seems relatively innocent. But there's a line she doesn't cross. As soon as she gets an inkling that it's more than a joking or innocent flirt, she politely shuts it down. If they don't take the hint, she'll ratchet things up until they catch the drift.

See less See more

Reactions: 1

KnK

Discussion Starter · #13 · Oct 19, 2012

donny64 said:
Could just be a natural part of his personality. However, he could be toying with a fine line here...as it seems they work together. Could bring him problems with HR and he should watch out. And I'd say if it's not okay with HR, then it likely won't be okay with you either.

My W sounds like your H. She has a job where she has to smooze a lot of people. I wouldn't say she's a "natural flirt", but she is friendly. And let's face it, there's also a reason they don't put unattractive women or men in some positions. Being such is going to invite some attention, obviously.

I was sitting next to her one time when she was on a call with a guy from work. She closed by saying "ok, by honey, talk to you later". I thought about this for a second and said "hey...did you just call him honey?!!" She did, and does it fairly often with people. Her way of speaking. I've never found anything to indicate otherwise. So, it never raised a concern for me.

I know she gets flirted with a good deal. She is quite attractive, and is in a job where she works around a lot of male clients. They naturally flirt with her pretty often. She'll respond...to a point, the point where their flirting seems relatively innocent. But there's a line she doesn't cross. As soon as she gets an inkling that it's more than a joking or innocent flirt, she politely shuts it down. If they don't take the hint, she'll ratchet things up until they catch the drift.

DO you think there could be a double standard? Meaning woman could be innocently flirty were as men cannot?

coupdegrace

· #14 · Oct 20, 2012

^No. Flirting is flirting.

There's a girl I work with that is MAD flirty. She feels really comfortable around me and even makes sexually suggestive comments. Just today, she came to me with a cup of Ice cream, put some on her lips and licked it off in front of me!

Reactions: 2

KnK

Discussion Starter · #15 · Oct 20, 2012

coupdegrace said:
^No. Flirting is flirting.

There's a girl I work with that is MAD flirty. She feels really comfortable around me and even makes sexually suggestive comments. Just today, she came to me with a cup of Ice cream, put some on her lips and licked it off in front of me!

Women like that make me sick!

costa200

· #16 · Oct 20, 2012

KnK said:
There will be no bashing. I am here for honest opinions. It isn't really sexual at all. Just some hunny's and darlin's a smile bigger than normal and some txt msgs berween him and his co worker. that read ,,

him - you forgot your box
her- I'll be back around later
him- yay you get to see me again lol
her- yep!
her-(later) What's wrong?
him- Nothng at all hunny!
her- ok see ya soon!

ANother time..
Her-what is my sced.
him- Off This weeked.
her-Your so great.
him-I know ..

(just seems weird to me)

Hmmm... Yeah that's bad enough alright. Even if it is just foolish banter there is potential there to become something more. If situation fuels it i can see that escalating. Being a bit of a flirt with clients may be a business trick, but this is a co-worker, so, not a bait to bring in the big fish. This is pleasure related only.

If a flirt can stop being one? Of course. But the willingness has to be there. I flirted with girls a lot in college. Right and left, up and down, but i stopped that when i got in a serious relationship. So it can be done.

Reactions: 1

romantic_guy

· #17 · Oct 20, 2012

I do this with a woman I work with, but we also talk about how much we love and appreciate our spouses. She is also friends with my wife. We are just having fun.

Reactions: 1

donny64

· #18 · Oct 20, 2012

KnK said:
DO you think there could be a double standard? Meaning woman could be innocently flirty were as men cannot?

Nope. Goes both ways. Either sex can flirt innocently or with motives.

Amongst true female / male friends, it is pretty harmless. Other than that, I almost always see a flirt as someone "putting out feelers" and "testing the waters". There's usually some kind of sexual tension or interest there. Face it, we don't really "flirt" with the opposite sex unless we see them as attractive....except, as mentioned above, with friends. I have female friends I may sometimes get flirty with that I can promise you I have NO attraction for whatsoever. If there is any attraction, or could be misconstrued as real interest, I abstain from doing so.

Reactions: 1

KnK

Discussion Starter · #19 · Oct 20, 2012

donny64 said:
Nope. Goes both ways. Either sex can flirt innocently or with motives.

Amongst true female / male friends, it is pretty harmless. Other than that, I almost always see a flirt as someone "putting out feelers" and "testing the waters". There's usually some kind of sexual tension or interest there. Face it, we don't really "flirt" with the opposite sex unless we see them as attractive....except, as mentioned above, with friends. I have female friends I may sometimes get flirty with that I can promise you I have NO attraction for whatsoever. If there is any attraction, or could be misconstrued as real interest, I abstain from doing so.

The friends thing is what he claims and H talks a lot with her BF and is his friend also . He says it just happens sometimes without him thinking about it.

gbrad

· #20 · Oct 20, 2012

coupdegrace said:
^No. Flirting is flirting.

There's a girl I work with that is MAD flirty. She feels really comfortable around me and even makes sexually suggestive comments. Just today, she came to me with a cup of Ice cream, put some on her lips and licked it off in front of me!

We have a lot of banter back and forth where I work. There is plenty of what most people would consider "sexual harrassment" in the form of words and touching, that is done in joking ways. Both the women and men do it and most of the people at my work are married.

1 - 20 of 28 Posts

Status: Not open for further replies.