Question for men with LD spouse regarding masturbation

5341 Views 31 Replies 20 Participants Last post by mineforever, Mar 14, 2013

kingsfan

Discussion Starter · Nov 9, 2012

I've heard that frequent masterbation without sex doesn't help with stress release but in fact makes you want sex more.

For the men who are in a low sex/no sex relationship, do you find the frequency of masterbation affects you level of sexual desire (IE the more you masterbate, the more you want sex?)

I know for myself when I was going through some long dry spells in the past I found that even if I wanted to masterbate, it was only a very temporary fix, as in not even good enough to hold me through the day sometimes,and really didn't curb my cravings at all.

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JoeHenderson

· #2 · Nov 9, 2012

Yes, masturbation makes me think more about sex, but then the lack of sex also makes think more about sex. Perhaps it's that masturbation just can't replace the intimacy of sex between two partners.

Reactions: 5

IndyTMI

· #3 · Nov 9, 2012

Same here...
There are times where I had nearly given up on sex and masturbation also took a back seat. Found myself focusing on other areas of my life and actually getting so involved with politics, seemed like nothing else mattered.

But at some point, I feel lonely and the desire for sex becomes ever so strong. The wife isn't making herself available, so chronic masturbation ensues. I found myself looking forward to particular times during the day, as those were when I had a few mins away from the wife that would allow me to crank one off. I got so good at it, I could literately crank one off within a min or two.
When the wife focuses sexual attention toward me, the desire to masturbate diminishes.
Lately, I've decided that I am getting tired of masturbating (seems to be all I ever do), when I have a sexy wife that could be sharing this intimate time with.
While trying to reconnect with the wife, I am not afraid to let her know if and when I take matters into my own hands.
Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch.

Maybe that is what she needs to observe, so she knows how to do them better.

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CanadianGuy

· #4 · Nov 9, 2012

JoeHenderson said:
Yes, masturbation makes me think more about sex, but then the lack of sex also makes think more about sex. Perhaps it's that masturbation just can't replace the intimacy of sex between two partners.

:iagree:

Revel

· #5 · Nov 9, 2012

When I've gone through dry spells, I've found that a quick orgasm did not help much. However, if I were able to periodically set aside some time, maybe 20 minutes to an hour, where I was able to experience a sustained level of high arousal, then it did seem to make a noticeable difference. Visual stimulation with adult videos worked as a very effective tool for increasing and enhancing arousal. I felt soothed, more relaxed, happier with my place in the world, and less sexually frustrated. It still wasn't the same as a good sexual experience with another person, but it was MUCH better than a quick orgasm.

The key for me was the sustained high level of arousal. Being in the state of high arousal, I can feel stress leaving my body, and being replaced by happy emotions. Alcohol also seemed to give the brain chemistry a little nudge as well. A couple of beers, a favorite mixed drink, or some wine seemed to compliment the other stimulation.

PBear

· #6 · Nov 9, 2012

To me, masturbation was the sexual equivalent to being really hungry and stopping by a convenience store to get a snack to tide you over. Sex with a partner ranged from a nice home cooked meal to an expensive steak dinner out on the town.

I masturbated a lot more in my marriage than I'm actually getting sex in my current relationship, but I have zero desire to self serve. I'm a very satisfied dude for the past two years.

C

Reactions: 1

YupItsMe

· #7 · Nov 9, 2012 (Edited)

IndyTM said:
Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch

This makes my wife horny it does help but not always

Chris Taylor

· #8 · Nov 9, 2012

I agree that an extended state of arousal is better than a quicky. That's one reason that "real" sex is better than masturbation.

What I have found is that masturbation is fine for taking care of things during a dry spell, but not an acceptable replacement for sex. In fact, I get a real feeling of resentment once I finish masturbating because I know I have a wife who is physically and mentally capable of a sexual relationship, yet I have to take care of myself.

Reactions: 2

IndyTMI

· #9 · Nov 9, 2012

Chris Taylor said:
I agree that an extended state of arousal is better than a quicky. That's one reason that "real" sex is better than masturbation.

What I have found is that masturbation is fine for taking care of things during a dry spell, but not an acceptable replacement for sex. In fact, I get a real feeling of resentment once I finish masturbating because I know I have a wife who is physically and mentally capable of a sexual relationship, yet I have to take care of myself.

That's exactly where I have come to be. I look in the mirror in the bathroom after finishing and don't like what I see. I see a sex starved man taking care of himself instead of enjoying the flesh of his beautiful wife. How did things come to this? Time for a change...I'm tired of spanking it. I want real passionate sex with my wife.

Reactions: 1

Plan 9 from OS

· #10 · Nov 9, 2012

IndyTM said:
Same here...
There are times where I had nearly given up on sex and masturbation also took a back seat. Found myself focusing on other areas of my life and actually getting so involved with politics, seemed like nothing else mattered.

But at some point, I feel lonely and the desire for sex becomes ever so strong. The wife isn't making herself available, so chronic masturbation ensues. I found myself looking forward to particular times during the day, as those were when I had a few mins away from the wife that would allow me to crank one off. I got so good at it, I could literately crank one off within a min or two.
When the wife focuses sexual attention toward me, the desire to masturbate diminishes.
Lately, I've decided that I am getting tired of masturbating (seems to be all I ever do), when I have a sexy wife that could be sharing this intimate time with.
While trying to reconnect with the wife, I am not afraid to let her know if and when I take matters into my own hands.
Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch.
Maybe that is what she needs to observe, so she knows how to do them better.

Ha! Don't use your best effort when she watches. If she learns your "Rapid Crank Explosion" Technique, you'll be lucky if you see her for 5 min per day...

Reactions: 1

jaquen

· #11 · Nov 9, 2012

Not in an LD/sexless marriage, but I was celibate voluntarily for a years, and it's true for me. The more I masturbate, the hornier I get.

It applies to my married sex life. If, for whatever reason, we have a period where sex isn't as frequent as normal, the best way to walk through it is to avoid jerking off. Because once I start that my appetite for sex just grows and grows.

It's true for some; the more you itch, the more you scratch.

ladybird

· #12 · Nov 9, 2012

kingsfan said:
I've heard that frequent masterbation without sex doesn't help with stress release but in fact makes you want sex more.

For the men who are in a low sex/no sex relationship, do you find the frequency of masterbation affects you level of sexual desire (IE the more you masterbate, the more you want sex?)

I know for myself when I was going through some long dry spells in the past I found that even if I wanted to masterbate, it was only a very temporary fix, as in not even good enough to hold me through the day sometimes,and really didn't curb my cravings at all.

I am not a man, but the more i masturbate the more I want sex. It fuels it, but doesn't kill it for me. I could masturbate 3x a day and still want sex the same day. It really does suck though!

Reactions: 2

Snookums

· #13 · Nov 9, 2012

IndyTM said:
Last time I masturbated after a failed attempt at a hand job by her, she said next time she wanted to watch.
Maybe that is what she needs to observe, so she knows how to do them better.

actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!

Reactions: 3

kingsfan

Discussion Starter · #14 · Nov 9, 2012

Snookums said:
actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!

Really?

The mental image of what I look like grappling with my member doesn't look like it'd be a turn on to anyone, even the blind!

Snookums

· #15 · Nov 9, 2012

:rofl:

then maybe it's just me, it absolutely drives me wild for my fiance to stand over me why doing that over my breasts or what ever part of the body he chooses at the time.

kingsfan

Discussion Starter · #16 · Nov 9, 2012

Yeah, I guess that's different cause in a way your participating. I thought you meant to just sit and watch him wax the magic wand.

That sort of thing isn't a turn on for me really, but I could see how in that situation it would be a turn on for you if you enjoyed it.

ARF

· #17 · Nov 9, 2012

kingsfan said:
Really?

The mental image of what I look like grappling with my member doesn't look like it'd be a turn on to anyone, even the blind!

:rofl:

:iagree:

ARF

· #18 · Nov 9, 2012

Honestly had the opposite effect with me. My wife still is fairly LD, but had no drive after our first child for over a year, I found that I'd take care of my own business and become content with that rather than making me desire sex more.

I limit my masterbation, so that i may be more "desparate" to pursue nailing my wife.

jaquen

· #19 · Nov 9, 2012

Snookums said:
actually if most women gave it a chance and watched they would be surprised at how arousing it is to watch their man pleasure themselves. It can be quite a turn on which make syou just want to attack your man!

Truth!

I remember the first time I masturbated for my lady. She'd never been interested in watching any man before, but she asked to watch. I was nervous. But I will NEVER forget the look on her face. She was beyond mesmerized, and horny as all get out. Even now, if I whip it out and start going at it, she can not keep her eyes off me. It's a great way to tease her on the way to work, when I know she wants to just jump me, but she doesn't have the time. She gets so exasperated with me! LOL!

Reactions: 2

FoolMeOnce

· #20 · Nov 9, 2012

My hubby of nine years finally got over his "shyness," and it's been lots of fun. Don't know why, but it really gets me going!

He said, "It's much better than doing it alone."

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