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Hi all, I’m new here. I’m not a man but I am looking for a man’s perspective on this question as I am genuinely curious about the answer to this

When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.

I think the reason I am wanting to know is I see a lot of women that feel compared to the women in porn or self-conscious about their partners imagining “having sex with another person.” For instance, a woman who is chubby with large but saggy breasts, then she sees her husband/boyfriend watching porn with nothing but fit women with perky, large breasts, and she feels as if she is not good enough or that’s who he’d rather have sex with it he could obtain that. Is that true?

Or another example I see a lot of is women that are pregnant and self conscious of their bellies and they feel as if their husbands aren’t attracted to her and sex dwindles, but he still watches porn and gets off(imagined himself with women that are not pregnant. Thin, fit, perky breasts, no stretch marks, willing, etc).
 

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When a man who has promised to be faithful spends some of his time focusing his sexual energies on other women then how can she not feel 'less than' or 'not good enough'.
That's one of the many reasons why I would never use porn. I would never want to be responsible for my spouse feeling that way. Or treating him so disrespectfully.

I think you are right in that one of the consequences of a partner watching porn is that you feel worse about yourself therefore have much less desire to have sex so it's a vicious circle.
I would never have sex with a man who treated me that way. I would never share a guy with other women, I have too much self respect.
 

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Is there a personal experience you’ve had or are having regarding this, or is it just an intellectual exercise? What’s the context for the questions?

For what it’s worth, I think it’s wrong to lump the reasons for viewing porn, and is effect on somebody, into a universal paradigm. It’s probably like alcohol or gambling. Some will have a susceptibility to addiction, while others might be able to engage porn occasionally without damage.
 

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....When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.

...... a lot of women that feel compared to the women in porn or self-conscious about their partners imagining “having sex with another person.” .....
I can't speak for all men, but I will share my perspective.

First a man's biggest sex organ is between his ears and not between his legs. Most men erotically respond to visual stimulation as well. Porn for some is a way to fire up one's hormones and some of them can feel physically good from the surge in hormones.

I would say that most married men watch porn because they are either addicted or there is something important to them that is missing in their relationship. It could be mismatched sex drives. It could be some sexual act(s) that he really wants that his wife has said absolutely not or it could be something that he is too embarrassed to tell his wife for fear of shocking her. All of those are silly things that should really be discussed between them and resolved.

My view is that as long as porn does not get in the way of sex between a couple, it should not be a problem. I feel the same way about masturbation. Sort of an Aristotle view of moderation in all things.

My advice is that a woman who is concerned about her husband watching porn should figure out how to stimulate her husband with words, with outfits (or provocative clothing), with her body, etc. She should make spending time with her more stimulating that watching a screen with images . I honestly believe most married men do not spend all night or all day masturbating to images of porn. I suspect that they watch them for emotional stimulation not ejaculatory release. Sort of like mindless playing video games or watching sports on TV.

So to that extent, I suspect you are partially right when you say, "...... imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off........." Except I don't think it is to ejaculate. I think it is to vicariously experience something emotionally missing in their life. There are some who are addicted who are different or adolescent boys who sometimes masturbate to just about anything.

Now as pron being vicariously having sex with someone else, that is an interesting question. There are lots of studies that say when couples have intercourse some of the time they will sometimes think of past partners, famous people they find attractive, etc. So there probably is some of that going on in porn watching. even it not to ejaculation.

I would say that to really have good sex, requires one to become vulnerable and let down one's guard. It is hard to let down your guard and emotional safety barriers to someone you don't know. However, the way the internet is, porn can be anonymous or at least seem that way.

Do I think some men watch porn to simulate having sexual stimulation with a woman other than their Significant Other? Yes in some cases, but I think that it is probably because there is something missing in their relationship.

Is it being unfaithful to their spouse? I think that depends on what both partners in the marriage feel and if they have set boundaries prior to or during marriage regarding what watching porn means. Considering how common sex is used to sell everything from toothpaste to automobiles, it is kind of hard to draw the line on where watching sexy images becomes being unfaithful.

I am sure many others have different views, but I wanted to respond to your question from one persons point of view.
 

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Not sure about others but its purely visual for me. Its not about pretending you are with the person on the screen and has nothing to do with your partner. Men watch because an attractive woman is having sex and its visually stimulating. It doesn't mean he doesn't find his wife attractive. It simply means he finds other women physically attractive too.

So to answer your question, he is just focusing on the body parts. It also doesn't mean he will cheat, but may indicate he would like more sex from his partner. Atleast I've always noticed my porn interest was non existent if I was in a sexually fulfilling relationship.
 

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Since I would rather have sex with my wife, I tend to watch porn with models who have the same body shape as my wife... so maybe your husband is doing the same? Or have you caught him watching porn with models whose body is completely different from yours? Maybe this is the reason you are here asking these questions...
 

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Your fears are well founded.
Readily available porn is this generation's curse.

A man's choice of porn likely feeds his desire, fuels his fire.

That said, few men are rigidly limited in their desire. Most still enjoy that which is on their plate.

Actually, I suspect some men prefer the chubby over the thin. Taste is always a variable and is habit formed.

What is familiar has value.


The Typist-
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Not sure about others but its purely visual for me. Its not about pretending you are with the person on the screen and has nothing to do with your partner. Men watch because an attractive woman is having sex and its visually stimulating. It doesn't mean he doesn't find his wife attractive. It simply means he finds other women physically attractive too.

So to answer your question, he is just focusing on the body parts. It also doesn't mean he will cheat, but may indicate he would like more sex from his partner. Atleast I've always noticed my porn interest was non existent if I was in a sexually fulfilling relationship.
Since I would rather have sex with my wife, I tend to watch porn with models who have the same body shape as my wife... so maybe your husband is doing the same? Or have you caught him watching porn with models whose body is completely different from yours? Maybe this is the reason you are here asking these questions...
Thank you for answering this and giving me a different view. I know their are couples out there that have no problem with porn and I think that is great. However, there are other women that aren’t for many different reasons and I see a lot of men attach them. I think it’s warranted to dislike a partner watching porn and discussing it without being told your a crazy, insecure, controlling person.

No, this is actually purely for curiosity. It’s actually something that I’ve wondered about for awhile and thought that I would like to get a better understanding, more reasonable view of it. I do a lot of reading on porn and other forms of social media being toxic for modern women and women who dislike it but they usually get so harshly criticized(usually that’s on Reddit), really it’s not even a discussion.

My husband and I both don’t watch porn. I have no reason not to believe him, despite what other people may say. We had that discussion a long time ago. He doesn’t hide anything from me, is open and honest, he has no pass code on his phone and is perfectly fine with me looking at it. He’s even said in the past that if I ever didn’t believe him, he’d even get a phone without internet if he had to(that was extreme)but that hasn’t happened because I trust him, and he’s also not very tech saavy. We have one household laptop and he barely uses it and he when he does, he never remembers the password on it so he has to ask me for it 😅

I don’t watch it now because I realized as a teenager it was giving me a bad body image. I had an emotionally abusive father who cheated on my mother, called her fat(she weighed 120 pounds), and called me fat ugly also, and would constantly go on about how women were supposed to be seen and not be heard or have an opinion. I was also sexually assaulted at 5 by a friend of my older brother. I was introduced to sex at a really young age. By age ten I think, I was already watching porn. I had to be homeschooled due to bullying so I had my own computer and parents who worked full time. I had more than enough time. But at the same time, I had such poor self esteem and that wasn’t helping by any means. I became a cutter for awhile. It was a lot. I met my husband at 18. I had stopped by then and I explained my reasoning and he completely understood. His ex girlfriend who was his guest would use porn to hurt his body image and she’d suggest they watch it together but then she’d talk about how he was terrible at sex and had a tiny ****.
 

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Thank you for answering this and giving me a different view. I know their are couples out there that have no problem with porn and I think that is great. However, there are other women that aren’t for many different reasons and I see a lot of men attach them. I think it’s warranted to dislike a partner watching porn and discussing it without being told your a crazy, insecure, controlling person.

No, this is actually purely for curiosity. It’s actually something that I’ve wondered about for awhile and thought that I would like to get a better understanding, more reasonable view of it. I do a lot of reading on porn and other forms of social media being toxic for modern women and women who dislike it but they usually get so harshly criticized(usually that’s on Reddit), really it’s not even a discussion.

My husband and I both don’t watch porn. I have no reason not to believe him, despite what other people may say. We had that discussion a long time ago. He doesn’t hide anything from me, is open and honest, he has no pass code on his phone and is perfectly fine with me looking at it. He’s even said in the past that if I ever didn’t believe him, he’d even get a phone without internet if he had to(that was extreme)but that hasn’t happened because I trust him, and he’s also not very tech saavy. We have one household laptop and he barely uses it and he when he does, he never remembers the password on it so he has to ask me for it 😅

I don’t watch it now because I realized as a teenager it was giving me a bad body image. I had an emotionally abusive father who cheated on my mother, called her fat(she weighed 120 pounds), and called me fat ugly also, and would constantly go on about how women were supposed to be seen and not be heard or have an opinion. I was also sexually assaulted at 5 by a friend of my older brother. I was introduced to sex at a really young age. By age ten I think, I was already watching porn. I had to be homeschooled due to bullying so I had my own computer and parents who worked full time. I had more than enough time. But at the same time, I had such poor self esteem and that wasn’t helping by any means. I became a cutter for awhile. It was a lot. I met my husband at 18. I had stopped by then and I explained my reasoning and he completely understood. His ex girlfriend who was his guest would use porn to hurt his body image and she’d suggest they watch it together but then she’d talk about how he was terrible at sex and had a tiny ****.
It's very sad when some men are very rude and offensive towards women, (and some men), who refuse to have porn in their marriages or lives.

It's happened many times here on TAM as well. I am in no way insecure or controlling or crazy. On the contrary I am so secure that I wouldn't tolerate porn in my marriage and would rather be single than with a porn user.
A lot of men will do all they can to try and justify it and attacking those who speak out against it is one of their weapons.

Not once have I asked my husband not to watch porn. Nor he me, but we knew early on that it was a no no in our marriage and that we both saw it as damaging and as a form of cheating.

I have even seen men who don't use porn attacked in the past. Apparently they must be either lying or asexual. It's also been implied that women who say their husbands don't watch it are deluded, that their husbands are hiding it. As if they know their husbands better than they do.

Some guys want to think that all men do it, presumably to make themselves feel better I guess.
 

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When a man in a heterosexual relationship(married or dating)watches porn, does he imagine him and his partner in that moment, him with the girl on the screen, or imagined nothing but just focuses on body parts(boobs, butt, etc)to get off.
Man here. For me almost always the last one, say 95%. Part of the thing is the visual stimulation takes the imagination aspect out of it so you can get on with your day quickly

I generally preferred performers with a similar figure to my wife.

As an experiment I stopped watching porn 10 weeks ago to see if it would make any difference. I find myself thinking about the last sexual encounter I had with my wife for “material” but to be honest it’s similar to the porn because I’m looking at the same bits and bobs in my mind that I would be looking at in a porn scene and my wife has all the parts that I want and they look how I want em!
 

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Man here. For me almost always the last one, say 95%. Part of the thing is the visual stimulation takes the imagination aspect out of it so you can get on with your day quickly

I generally preferred performers with a similar figure to my wife.

As an experiment I stopped watching porn 10 weeks ago to see if it would make any difference. I find myself thinking about the last sexual encounter I had with my wife for “material” but to be honest it’s similar to the porn because I’m looking at the same bits and bobs in my mind that I would be looking at in a porn scene and my wife has all the parts that I want and they look how I want em!
Yes but thinking of your wife is far better isn't it. She is your wife😊
 

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It's very sad when some men are very rude and offensive towards women, (and some men), who refuse to have porn in their marriages or lives.

It's happened many times here on TAM as well. I am in no way insecure or controlling or crazy. On the contrary I am so secure that I wouldn't tolerate porn in my marriage and would rather be single than with a porn user.
A lot of men will do all they can to try and justify it and attacking those who speak out against it is one of their weapons.

Not once have I asked my husband not to watch porn. Nor he me, but we knew early on that it was a no no in our marriage and that we both saw it as damaging and as a form of cheating.

I have even seen men who don't use porn attacked in the past. Apparently they must be either lying or asexual. It's also been implied that women who say their husbands don't watch it are deluded, that their husbands are hiding it. As if they know their husbands better than they do.

Some guys want to think that all men do it, presumably to make themselves feel better I guess.
To be fair, you also consider masturbation OK, but what the difference is between using mental imagery vs actual imagery I dont much understand. I feel like it's hypocritical to say one is clearly OK and the other is very wrong.
 

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I haven’t been a porn consumer since early teenage. Back then, magazines were about the only source. Wife has always “done it” for me. We have never viewed porn together either, we too busy with one another.

Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents
 

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I haven’t been a porn consumer since early teenage. Back then, magazines were about the only source. Wife has always “done it” for me. We have never viewed porn together either, we too busy with one another.

Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents
Durn, I could top Aquaman! Beat his a$$. Of course I'd hire it out.
You know, old age and wisdom. 😉🤣🤣
 

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Reading the posts on here from women whose husbands use porn, I imagine if my wife were watching naked men online, it would surely hurt my self esteem and badly damage our marriage. I would be imagining her comparing me to them, there is no way to compete with that. Just my two cents.
I can see if the issue is like “my partner likes huge dongs and I don’t have one 😭” that would be frustrating and annoying.

If instead the partner is more along the lines of, “I’m not going to keep up with you in the sack.” then it’s more like a visual aid than a replacement. I’d be 100% on board with having sex with my wife than masturbating but sometimes she will go for a 2-3 day stretch where she’s not into it. IMO that’s a bit different situation than wishing for someone else.

After having stopped using porn for this aid so far I don’t feel any different at all. It’s still sad.
 

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If instead the partner is more along the lines of, “I’m not going to keep up with you in the sack.” then it’s more like a visual aid than a replacement. I’d be 100% on board with having sex with my wife than masturbating but sometimes she will go for a 2-3 day stretch where she’s not into it. IMO that’s a bit different situation than wishing for someone else.

After having stopped using porn for this aid so far I don’t feel any different at all. It’s still sad.
Sure, brag about it.
 

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For instance, a woman who is chubby with large but saggy breasts, then she sees her husband/boyfriend watching porn with nothing but fit women with perky, large breasts, and she feels as if she is not good enough or that’s who he’d rather have sex with it he could obtain that. Is that true?
I honestly don't think the majority of men would be foolish enough to answer that question honestly, about whether they'd like to be having sex with the porn star in the movie or not. Men can be incredibly stupid but they aren't THAT stupid. 😁

Of course, all the men here will claim they only fantasize about their wives and never think about anyone else. ;) But let's be honest. If a man preferred an overweight woman, he can find them all OVER porn - there are categories just for 'thick' and overweight women as well as search boxes to find literally ANYTHING your heart desires on the porn sites. They're available to your husband if he wanted to see them, so if all he's watching is fit, trim women with large perky breasts, then it's pretty safe to logically assume that these are the types of women that turn him on sexually. Otherwise, why would he always be watching only them?

I'm just being realistic here.
 

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I would say that most married men watch porn because they are either addicted or there is something important to them that is missing in their relationship.
That's a ridiculous statement to make - that any married man who watches porn is either "addicted" to it or that he feels his marriage is lacking something so he watches porn.

I'm assuming these are religious teachings because neither could be further from reality.
 

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I honestly don't think the majority of men would be foolish enough to answer that question honestly, about whether they'd like to be having sex with the porn star in the movie or not. Men can be incredibly stupid but they aren't THAT stupid. 😁

Of course, all the men here will claim they only fantasize about their wives and never think about anyone else. ;) But let's be honest. If a man preferred an overweight woman, he can find them all OVER porn - there are categories just for 'thick' and overweight women as well as search boxes to find literally ANYTHING your heart desires on the porn sites. They're available to your husband if he wanted to see them, so if all he's watching is fit, trim women with large perky breasts, then it's pretty safe to logically assume that these are the types of women that turn him on sexually. Otherwise, why would he always be watching only them?

I'm just being realistic here.
I wouldn't want to have sex with a porn star. That would be like throwing a toothpick into a volcano.
 
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